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Transformation or Death chapter 74

74 – Severed Traces (7)

Jo A-yoon has no dreams.

Like most modern people, so was she.

I am in a hurry to make a living right now, so what kind of dream or romance are you talking about? It’s been over ten years since I’ve had that kind of cynicism.

The reason was nothing. That was when I realized that Santa Claus didn’t exist. When I woke up in the morning with a pounding heart and I couldn’t see the gift box anywhere in the house, the precious memories that had kept my innocence were shattered.

On that day, Jo Ah-yoon’s world collapsed…

Starting with trivial things like this, people slowly start to change. So did she.

The reason this thought became stronger was when I started being bullied at school.

Since she was a child, she had a lot of tears, was small, and had severe emotional ups and downs, so she was a good toy for her peers.

Even if you tease him a little, the reaction will come back quickly, making you feel worth fighting. Their power is also weak, so the possibility of retaliation is low. Also, I always feel unlikable because I always tremble.

It’s always a little bullying at first, audible gossip or throwing eraser powder in the middle of class.

“Oh, don’t!”

“What’s going on there! I’m in class!”

The moment you overreact as little bullying accumulates, you have a good cause. The teacher does not scold them, but scolds Cho Ah-yoon, and the other third parties who did not play pranks glare at her with displeasure at being disturbed. Of course, the bullying kids too.

Numerous gazes tighten around her as if twisting a circle. In an instant, Cho A-yoon, who became a strange child strangled by attention, is silent. And I regret it.

‘Let’s not do that next time.’

Of course, the bullying doesn’t end there.

“Oh fuck!”

“Jo Ah-yoon!”

If I endure it and explode again, I become a strange child again, and I endure it again and react again.

It was a vicious cycle.

In the midst of this gradual isolation, Cho Ah-yoon thought.

‘I just want to live comfortably.’

There are no dreams. There are no grandiose goals. I just want to play. I want to live comfortably without worries. I want to live comfortably right now, rather than worrying about chasing something or falling into discomfort.

A dream that greets you while you sleep is enough. I don’t want to put more meaning into it.

The heart of young Cho Ah-yoon was filled with such things.

In the midst of increasing anxiety and bullying, Cho Ah-yoon accidentally helped a person who collapsed on the roadside.

Who am I in a position to help, what kind of stupidity I am suddenly, I wonder if I am being criticized for helping. She used to live like this. It was very unusual to reach out to someone to help.

I forgot why I helped him now.

You may have developed a need for recognition to be praised, or you may have coveted something like a reward for helping. It could have been because he was uncomfortable with the thought that that person might die as a result of his ignoring, or it could be because the sunlight was strong depending on the day. It was good no matter what.

Jo Ah-yoon did not regret the remoteness of the day.


The name of the person who happened to receive help was Yun Seol-hwa.

This little help was a life-changing turning point.

“It’s you. Thanks for helping Seolhwa.”

Later, that meeting became an opportunity to meet Han Jaejoong, who was famous as a handsome nerd in the whole school.

Cho Ah-yoon made that day’s remote trip his luck for the rest of his life.


That thought has not changed even now.

“Um? Why?”

“Eat and talk. Eat. It’s not that urgent.”

From the young Cho A-yoon to the present Cho A-yoon, there was one more thought that did not change until now.

I laughed when I saw Han Jaejoong hurriedly pushing chicken down his throat late at night. He said he hadn’t eaten that night, so he ordered chicken in a hurry. I was hungry, so the chicken started to run out soon. There was still a child-like part of him, so he was somehow cute. Just looking at it made my stomach full. Is this the sense that parents often say, ‘I’m full just by looking at it’?

“I was curious about why you signed a contract with Star.”

“Ah, that… it’s nothing.”

The thick uvula trembled once and Han Jaejoong opened his lips. Compared to the thick neck line, it was the fine lips. Lips that are naturally red so that anyone who sees them can mistake them for makeup. It was only one of the features, but it was enough to be evaluated as good-looking. He was a person who didn’t know how to use his face.

“If it’s not a big deal, there’s no reason to hide it anymore. When you reason about your brother’s goal, please bear with me and let me know.”

“It’s not that I can’t say anything, but…”

Han Jaejoong answered her question with a slightly troubled smile.

“If a guardian protects all people, then who should protect that guardian?”

There are no dreams. It was Cho Ah-yoon’s thought that had not changed.

I want to live without dreams. I don’t want to walk the hard road obsessed with that kind of goal. It’s been hard enough already.

Thoughts formed from childhood gradually become clearer.

The mere thought of ‘there is no dream’ paradoxically became the ideal to reach such a state.

The hardened ideal gradually grew and became an ideology.

Only those without dreams can be happy.

This was Cho Ah-yoon’s idea. It can be compared to the martial arts of Taoism. To live a life as it flows without any artificial ideas.

I lived a life without goals.

That’s why, for Cho Ah-yoon, those who have a dream are the ones to be compassionate. they are unfortunate Even if you always try to satisfy your desire, that thirst won’t go away.

“It’s not a grandiose goal. If you’re a guardian, you know? Magical girls. They’re pitiful. Telling them to risk their lives and fight at such a young age is abuse. Even if no one is around, the kids… So, I hope I can be of some help. It’s a goal that I only thought of. A guardian of a guardian. There’s nothing special, right?”

“It’s so grandiose, but wait. But wait, oppa’s transformed form is a monster… Helping magical girls in the form of a monster?”

“That’s it.”

“But you’ll only get resentment for that? If you mistakenly reveal your identity, it’ll cause a stir, and on the contrary, it could harm the magical girl. Isn’t it just insulting? There won’t be anything in return… It’s like a hukou.”

At the same time, they are worthy of respect.

“It’s not something to give up out of resentment…? Isn’t that the nature of human psychology? There’s at least one thing that people can’t understand and can’t give up even if they curse at them. If I do that, I might be criticized childishly for what I like. Even if it’s not just my dream, there’s something to gossip about. Even so, I don’t give up on what I like. I’m the same. Even if it’s like Hogu, it’s something I want to do.

They are courageous people who do not stop advancing despite knowing misfortune.

“So it’s not as grand and grand as you thought. It’s just a poor musician’s goal of selling 1 million albums.”

“So it’s fucking grandiose… Ah, judging from the article, I sold over 100,000 albums?”

“Oh, that’s great. Aha, with that income, I’m eating chicken right now.”

“I don’t remember earning it.”

Jo Ah-yoon laughed bitterly.

I don’t have any dreams of my own. It should have been, but why did the former self choose to become a magical girl?

“Ah! Is that why? Before, my older brother cheesily said that his goal was to save me… Ah.”

Inadvertently muttering a memory she didn’t have, Jo Ah-yoon closed her lips. Han Jaejoong stared at her with surprised eyes. Soon, his lips loosened.

“Hey… you… you! That!”

“Wow what the fuck…?”

It was dizzy. The body reacts before even remembering. Does the language system have muscle memory? It was incomprehensible. As if short selling, he took out memories that he did not have and presented them in reality.

i don’t know but i know Jo Ah-yoon’s lips trembled at the contradictory situation. It was creepy. There was also a shock that seemed to separate the ego.

“What am I…?”

Han Jaejoong stared at her for a while before answering with a smile.

“…Me too. My body reacted first. Isn’t it amazing? It’s not strange. You’re not weird. It’s okay. Do you want to calm down and get some water?”

Poured water into a cup and handed it to her. Jo Ah-yoon hurriedly passed the water she received into her mouth.

‘It really hasn’t changed.’

Jo Ah-yoon, who was always treated as a strange child, was always considerate. You’re a person like us, you’re not weird, you’re not wrong, you’re just an ordinary girl.


Putting the cup on the table, Ayun Jo stared at him again. Why don’t you age when you’ve never been a magical girl? His eyes, which were unnecessarily pretty, irritated me for no reason.


“Yes why?”

I was very tired today.

“I’m tired today, so I’m going to sleep first.”

“Huh? Yeah, yeah. The time is already like this.”

Seeing her get up from his seat, Han Jaejoong, who had a sense of playfulness, added a word.

“Hey, you’re tall.”

flinch. Cho Ah-yoon, stimulated by her complex, stopped. Now it’s time to wait for the retaliation it deserves. Han Jaejoong, who can accept anything cute, took a sip of beer.

“…yes, that’s right.”

But the retaliation never came.

“Oh, that’s right. Oppa, if you still have it, go to the hospital tomorrow. You never know.”

Rather, a worrying response came back.

Worried about retaliation, Han Jaejoong felt guilty.

‘What evaluation do I give to that kind boy who thinks of my brother… I’m sorry, Ah Yoon. I must have been a bastard.’

Regretful for his narrow-mindedness and distrust, he apologized to Jo A-yoon in his heart.


The door to Jo Ah-yoon’s room opened and she moved inside. Since it was a place he could easily see at the table, he naturally moved his gaze toward it. Right before the door closed, a gap was created so that only the eyes could see, and movement stopped.

Jo Ah-yoon was staring at him from behind the door. The bright pink eyes shone like those of a nocturnal beast.

“You’re right. You should go to bed early and grow taller. Just 22 cm apart from you.”

“…? What are you talking about?”

“You know what, brother?”

profit. The door to the room slowly closed again.

“The best height difference between men and women is 22 cm.


The beer he had been sipping little by little went into his airways. He coughed several times and listened to Cho Ah-yoon’s ridicule and teasing.

“That’s right. Oppa, by the way, I won’t lock the door to my room today.”

“Because he only looked for strange things. How many porn have you watched?”

“Hey, how do you count that?”

“I thought so. Go in and grow Dandi!”


Cho Ah-yoon responded cutely and closed the door all the way.

“A real star…”

I drank the beer with a heavy heart.


the next morning.

As Cho Ah-yoon advised, Han Jae-joong came to the hospital.

But not for treatment.

The future of nagging me to get treatment because of how much the hospital bill was was clear, but it was already in my head or cured overnight. The regenerative ability unique to those with starlight significantly reduces the need to go to the hospital.

But why did you come to the hospital?

It was just for a meeting. The hospital was used as a meeting place, not for treatment.

The familiar interior greeted him. Both recently and in the past, the hospital was a very familiar place. The farther away from the hospital the better, but unfortunately he wasn’t. The hospital was a place of everyday life.

Sitting on a hard chair and waiting, the time has come.

Something you can’t give up even if you resent it.

What I said to Ah-yoon Jo last night lacks one condition.

The resentment must exist entirely in the individual.

If other beings suffer because of me, it can no longer be called a goal.

It’s just one-sided nuisance or bullying.

How selfish and terrible it must be to try to do only what is good for me while ignoring the pain of others.

Han Jaejoong looked at the person sitting next to him with his eyes. A tall, long-haired beauty with a hat that was pulled down to the point of being suspicious.

“long time no see.”

“…I know.”

Just by putting it in my mouth, I felt happy as if my whole body would melt, and I called out the painful name as if my whole body was collapsing.

“It’s snowflakes.”


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