195 – negative-2

“Are you awake?”

Celia was overexcited.

It would have been enough just to show it as it is, but I forcibly put in a distortion.

As soon as I realized that I was not alone, my body energized.

All of this energy was concentrated in a huge coffin. There’s probably Celia in there.

Again, I took a step. Just because I had power didn’t mean I could move around freely.

My steps are still heavy, and countless emotions are pouring down on me like a waterfall.

However, my will was stronger.

“Who do you know who is blind? Do you think I didn’t remember?”

I couldn’t say it didn’t work.

The vivid memory, as if I had returned to that time, rekindled the embers of hatred, sadness, and contempt that remained in me.

However, that didn’t make me back out.

Maybe it was a simple rebellious temperament. It may have been that she wanted to deny what Celia wanted, that I retreated from here and quietly waited for her return.

“I remember it. No, even if I forgot it, I can’t help but remember it if I show it so vividly.”

Do you think that if you push me through a cascade of clumsy emotions, I will hate them on my own?

It wasn’t wrong, but the hatred didn’t cover my memory.

“You didn’t look like that! I remember!”

At the last moment, Celia wasn’t looking at me with eyes full of displeasure.

A little more sad, pathetic, and exhausted than that. You looked at me with a sick look.

“I bet you made eye contact with me? Did you think I was going to go on like that!”

It is manipulation. Most of the memories were factual, but in the end, her delusions were bound to blend in.

Remains. Memories of the warrior party haunting me, Eleanor’s training and myself washing up alone, Farseer’s errands and Celia’s request.

I didn’t forget any of them.

So, I couldn’t be fooled by her.

“Where are you trying to pollute my memory…”

Laughing, I took another step.

“…Sorry.”

Finally, I heard Celia’s voice.

“What is this? What’s going on?”

It didn’t seem to be a voice that passed from mouth to mouth. Like a wave, her feelings are transmitted directly to my brain.

And that was very confusing. It’s hard to recognize even my own feelings, but Celia’s feelings intervene.

“I was preparing. I was washing myself to send Enerel back.”

words are heavy her sadness flows

Uncomfortable.

It wasn’t the first time Celia’s emotions were transferred. Because before, with her own ability, she forcibly revived me when I was about to die.

Drawing a happy future, she generously poured her hopes into me.

However, it is different now.

The despair, sadness, anguish, pain, depression, despair she felt. And that wasn’t all.

Uncountable, unnamed negative sensations are flowing into me.

You can’t give what you don’t have. Perhaps, these feelings I felt might be fragments of the feelings Celia felt.

“So, are you going to give this to me?”

“I’m sure you’ll be happy when you go back.”

“Killing you?”

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Just a little, a feeling of comfort leaked in.

It was fortunate that I had some time to breathe, but I couldn’t be happier to think that I was responding to what I said.

“…I’m sorry. I didn’t know anything… I made Enerel suffer. If I hadn’t cast that spell then.”

“under!”

It’s funny. After laughing briefly once, I was able to make up my mind.

Celia talks about atonement and apology as if she knows everything, but she knows nothing.

I didn’t even tell you my name, so what are you talking about knowing about me?

“Enerel might be right. I, like an idiot… I couldn’t remember what expression I was making at the time. If you say that confidently, Ennerel is probably right.”

“okay…”

From my point of view, seeing it myself, I think it’s a situation where I can’t even recognize what kind of expression I’m making.

“But that doesn’t change the fact that I, with my own opinion, made Ennelel suffer. It doesn’t change that I couldn’t even imagine how painful Ennelel must have been or how painful it must have been!”

Exciting. Her pain and sorrow, it’s like an electric shock to my heart.

“Do you know what I said to the other nuns when I first came back here? Casually talking about Ennelel, talking about Ennelel’s unprovoked kindness!”

be not interested in.

“When my friends said that maybe Enerel actually liked me… I was about to nod my head saying maybe it was. If I had been interested in Enerel just a little bit longer, I would have apologized instead of delusion like that. I would.”

“So, what is that about?”

“Because I’m a bad person, well, I hope you’ll wait until I’m eaten. Then, if I take out the dragon’s heart, I’ll be able to go back…”

“under.”

“Even the hope I gave at that time wasn’t a proper hope. An idiot who couldn’t grasp the situation, just believed in the divine power and forcibly brainwashed Enerel.”

It was stupid. I was as young as I thought.

Do you think that everything in the world revolves around you?

“You, do you think you were the only one who touched my head then? Do you remember whose power I was using?”

“yes?”

Celia’s wave showed me her feelings, far more pure and open than her expression.

“That spell… I’ll admit it. It was great. It was huge. I can understand feeling guilty. But, do you think you were the only one who put a hand on my head until then?”

It shakes. The waves are oscillating. Celia’s emotions are agitated at the possibility she had never thought of.

“…yes?”

“You were a saint back then. I really didn’t know… Yes, maybe you didn’t know.”

Sometimes different beings, sometimes the same beings. Oh, it was a relationship that I could conveniently attach and detach.

“When my resurrection failed, I already used the power of Erinis.”

The red light, the urges pulsating in my head, the thirst for revenge.

“I beg your pardon?”

Come to think of it, Celia joined the fight quite late. Like everyone else, she had never seen me fight as a hero.

Besides, she had been preparing her divine spell for quite some time, so she might not have known.

-I do it, I do it! Kill them, save them, avenge them or forgive them, I’ll do it! What are you doing, interfering with my choices!

red voice. The voice that constantly encouraged me to seek revenge.

It was a much stronger bondage than Celia’s clumsy flashbacks. It was a divine intervention that restrained my entire mind.

No matter how much Celia, representing the power of the gods, tried to fly and crawl, it was impossible to surpass it.

“It was Erinis, the goddess of vengeance. Well, I didn’t know until then… If it was stronger than your clumsy divine spell, it would have been stronger, not weaker.”

There was also a holy sword that he muttered excitedly next to him, but it was still within the realm of conversation.

However, God’s pressure was terrifying. The idea that I am justified, the perception that this violence is just, the feeling that I will not be able to stand it, the urge to take revenge.

‘Cause you gave me everything

“But, I can’t just say, ‘It’s all Erinis’ fault for messing around there. I didn’t do anything!’, right?”

“that…”

“In the end, it was my choice.”

Nonetheless, I was stronger. I agreed with the goddess of vengeance, so I grabbed the holy sword there, and when we disagreed, I threw the holy sword away and shouted at her.

It’s me. Even if someone besides me can ‘persuade’ me, in the end, I’m the one who admits it and makes the choice.

“I’m the one who put up with the goddess of vengeance whizzing by my side. No matter how much I’m a saint, do you think that such a low-class divine spell like you could have affected me?”

“But, that, then…”

I nodded. Because I fell down then.

However, it was not caused by some supernatural force. My body, which had just received the power of the hero, was reaching its limit.

In that state, thanks to the power of Erinis, he even fired his rage, and returned that anger to Erinis to fight against the god.

After fighting, it was natural to get tired.

“You’re shaking like this now, but I didn’t cast any divine spells.”

In the first place, it was just a bonus. It could be said to be the level of wrapping paper used to wrap presents.

“Because people can persuade people, it doesn’t have to be a spell like that.”

Her divine power was quite vivid. Even if you say the same story, it will be more efficient to persuade by submitting related evidence as a video rather than shouting slogans on the street.

If you sit in a cozy chair with a few comfortable drinks, you might be more persuasive.

But, that’s it.

“I admit it.”

Celia’s feelings and hope for the future might have potential. That’s what I thought.

“In your infantile mind, you might think that I became this way because of your fault.”

From the beginning, I moved on my own volition.

Even though I was shaken because I couldn’t hold on to my will, and it was painful because I couldn’t acknowledge the work I chose with my will.

Falling into this world, I did not do anything against my will.

“So, stop talking nonsense and come down.”

A long silence enveloped Celia and me.