61. Why do we (2)

It was awkward.

It was awkward and uncomfortable.

Maxim thought so as he faced Theodora. It was a situation he faced several times, but Maxim never liked each situation. The feelings that he had no choice but to have for Theodora, Maxim felt very uncomfortable and painful.

affection? It’s a bitch to be affectionate. Maxim didn’t know what to call that feeling of guilt and affection that was darker and soggy than any other darkness in the world.

How far do you know

Maxim sighed deeply, inwardly.

Are you blaming yourself for everything that happened to Maxim and everything that happened in their relationship? Do you think that the current situation, which was only played by Count Benning, was the result of pouring the potion on himself?

The light from the lantern illuminates Theodora’s face. After the first dispatch of No Man’s Land, Theodora and Maxime had never seen each other face to face. The figure that had been possessed by a certain hatred-like emotion had disappeared. Maxim looked into Theodora’s eyes.

There is no such thing as a dark cloud that is filled with both depression and hatred. The turbid, ash of the forest burned down from its hollow eyes. It was such ashes that would be blown away by the wind.

That figure brought out Maxim’s guilty feeling again and brought it right in front of his eyes.

How is it, isn’t this what you wanted to see?

Didn’t you want to see that face mixed with guilt and responsibility towards you, love-hate and unforgivable self-loathing for past mistakes?

Maybe.

Maxim cut off the voice that was ringing in his head.

Still, I don’t want to see Theodora’s face like that now.

There’s nothing you can do about that.

Know.

So, I can’t talk to Theodora right now. Maxim stopped and walked. Just to pass by without saying anything.

Theodora looked at Maxim’s face.

It was a pale, lifeless face. Neither the light brown hair that was gradually losing color, nor those golden eyes that were getting muddy.

Even now Maxim is dying every minute. No, I was preparing to run to an end worse than death. Theodora was not yet ready to say anything to Maxim. No, as Christine Watson once told her, she didn’t deserve it.

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No right to tell Maxim to be careful, no right to say sorry to put his mind at ease.

They all thought it was just a way to relieve the burden on their shoulders. Theodora forced herself to ignore that gaze, as if an apology would be enough, Maxim would tell her that everything was fine.

Theodora looks at Maxim, who has stopped, with cloudy eyes. I just wanted to let it pass.

Let it go, Theodora.

However, contrary to his wish, his hand was holding onto the hem of Maxim’s dress as it brushed past him. If it weren’t for now, if I didn’t cowardly talk about coincidence as I do now, I thought I’d never be able to talk to Maxim again.

“…?”

To that weak power, only the fact that Theodora’s hand was holding his own was conveyed, but Maxim’s footsteps stopped. The shadows of Maxim and Theodora danced along the flickering lamp. Theodora, unable to raise her head and face Maxim’s face, turned her eyes toward the hem of Maxim’s left hand that she had grabbed.

All in all.

The shining blue ring on Maxim’s ring finger made Theodora’s hand tremble weakly.

The eyes of the two people who were still stopped crossed. Theodora was not letting go of Maxim’s sleeve. Maxime did not let go of Theodora’s hand that was gripping his sleeve.

“That… Maxim…”

Theodora’s words were not clear. I didn’t always have something to say to her. Theodora’s lips made a movement that was nothing more than an incoherent grunt.

Maxim pulled his arm. Theodora’s fingers loosened and she missed Maxim’s sleeve. Theodora thought that Maxim would continue walking.

Theodora looks at Maxim’s back as he moves away.

Maxime took a long stride, trying to get away from Theodora. One step, Theodora moves away. Those eyes, like those of a lost child, lost their way as soon as he took them off, and the pale hands that stirred in the air, shimmer in Maxim’s eyes.

In the end, Maxim could not take a few steps and stopped. Maxim could see that Theodora was still looking at him.

“…I don’t know when I’ll have time to talk to you like this.”

Theodora opened her mouth like that. Maxim kept his distance and listened to Theodora without any reaction or words. As Theodora spoke, she drew closer to Maxim.

“yes. You don’t know when the monsters will come to destroy the castle wall again. So, wait a minute like this…”

Theodora continued, then stopped abruptly. A small panting sound could be heard coming out of her mouth. The lamp held by Theodora was slowly approaching.

A tear fell down Theodora’s cheek. Maxim did not speak. Theodora stepped to Maxim’s feet and bit her teeth, as if trying to stop crying.

“Maxim… I…”

The words Theodora was about to say stopped as if they had been caught in her throat, and she couldn’t come out as a sound.

“Ah… I got it.”

Theodora spat the words out with great difficulty. Tears welled up in Theodora’s eyes as Maxim watched.

“Everyone, why did you have to leave me… what my family did to you, and…”

Theodora spoke like water pouring out of a bursting dam before Maxim had time to stop.

“What I, what I did to you… what I, did to you in the final exam three years ago, what you had to go through…”

Theodora didn’t even try to hide her tears anymore, they were pouring out in a profusion.

“I found out… I finally found out about myself.”

It’s too late.

Everything has become irreversible. The curse he planted in Maxim’s body will continue to destroy Maxim, and eventually disappear, leaving only the shell of Maxim Apart.

“I couldn’t even say sorry.”

I was afraid.

When Theodora finishes this confession, what Maxim will say, or just turn his back on herself and leave without an answer, leaving only a cold glance. Theodora was too afraid to face the end.

“Sorry.”

Theodora said. Uncontrollable tears were pouring down. Was it just her own misunderstanding that she thought that an apology would make her feel better? Every time Theodora said she had done something wrong, Maxim’s approaching gaze hurt her so much.

“I don’t know anything, and I only resent you.”

In every detail, Theodora revealed her guilt.

“…I just put all the blame on you…”

For ruining your life and giving you indelible scars. Theodora dropped the lantern to the floor. There was a high, tinkling sound of glass breaking.

“sorry…”

Theodora’s voice diminished and turned into a single sob. Theodora held onto the collar and begged in front of Maxim as if to ask for forgiveness. I didn’t even ask for forgiveness. He thought that it would be better if Maxim had betrayed him for his own atonement. He resented it, and thought it would be nice if he returned the look he had shown to Maxim.

“Maxim, I’m sorry…”

It was a cowardly apology. Take advantage of the darkness, so that you can’t see your expression clearly. Theodora began to feel disillusioned. Her legs gave way, and Theodora fell to her knees on the floor.

Maxim looked at Theodora. Trembling, he grabbed the hem of his clothes and looked at his ex-girlfriend, who was weeping endlessly. What should I say? Maxim did not resent her in the first place, and he did not hate her. So, I couldn’t lightly say that I forgive or accept an apology.

“I…”

Maxim said.

“I didn’t hate you.”

I just plainly told the truth. Theodora shook her head and pretended not to hear.

“No, Maxim. you should have hated me No, it’s not just that I hate it, I should have hated it enough to want to kill it.”

As if he should have been, Theodora said. Maxim responded calmly to Theodora’s words.

“Atonement, you don’t need my forgiveness, Theodora.”

Maxim picked up the broken lantern that had fallen to the floor. Then he saw Theodora sitting on the floor. With her head down, Theodora swung her head away, refusing to look at herself. Maxim lightly wrapped his arms around Theodora’s shoulder. Theodora winced, stopped, and raised her face cautiously.

It was close.

Theodora’s messed up face, stained with regret and sorrow, was close to Maxim’s.

“Because I forgave you all from the beginning. Because I never thought it was your fault.”

Theodora’s expression collapsed.

That answer was the one Theodora didn’t want to hear the most, and at the same time it was the one she wanted the most. The fact that she was not hated by him, and that his resentment and hatred were not directed at her, lifted her heart.

And soon, the fact that hatred and resentment were the only emotions she had led her to fall again.

“why…”

Theodora’s words parted.

“Why is that? I… can’t be forgiven. You gave me so much despair.”

The answer of apology was something Theodora couldn’t handle.

“…it’s not like that. Theodora. What I gained from being with you was more than what I lost when you left.”

Maxim said that, looking directly at Theodora.

“Your existence was that important and precious to me. Simply… enough that one mistake won’t turn into hate. Because it was precious.”

Theodora looked at Maxim with incomprehensible eyes.

“I… I thought you were important too. The only person who taught me the heart of a person… He taught me how to like people and how to love someone.”

What Theodora hated now was herself, who had turned that affection into love-hate just because Maxim had told her they were breaking up.

“I… I’m sorry, Maxim. I guess I really didn’t deserve your love.”

Maxim raised his hand and lifted Theodora’s head.

It reminded me of the winter, snow-covered training ground. That snowy winter when we were saying goodbye. The figure of Theodora shedding tears, her trembling voice and her shoulders shaking up and down as she sobbed.

It’s okay, I still remember.

Maxim was relieved to know that he could now wipe away the tears he had been unable to wipe before he lost them.

Maxim’s thumb carefully wiped away Theodora’s tears. Theodora widened her eyes in surprise at Maxim’s hand wiping away her tears.

“…I was trying to protect you.”

Maxim said so in a cautious tone.

“But I didn’t want you to know about this.”

Maxim got up from his seat.

“…It was my greed.”

Maxim’s words sounded like self-help. Theodora sat still as Maxim stood up and walked away. I wiped my tear-stained cheeks that Maxim had wiped.

“Maxim.”

Theodora sat down on the floor and called Maxim for the last time.

“…In this battle, can’t we fall out?”

Maxim replied bitterly, with his back turned to Theodora.

“I’m sorry, Theodora.”

Even so, the ending given to you doesn’t change. Because the curse has already deteriorated to the point where it can’t be stopped. Maxim swallowed, unable to get the words out of his mouth.

—

The night in the wilderness is bright.

When the dark clouds that covered the moon clear, only the pale moon remains. The moonlight was so bright that it swallowed up and covered the starlight that densely embroidered the sky behind it.

The Behemoth was loftily raising its head toward the sky.

the time is coming

The time has come for revenge against the arrogant god who imprisoned himself in this land of nothingness, and the humans who followed him.

The reason why he summoned the monsters again was to arrange the forces for the final air strike, and it was a bit of mercy for the weak human beings who were shaking their legs in fear of himself.

The Behemoth slammed its heavy front paws on the ground in the wilderness. I could feel the whole no-man’s-land holding its breath, tense with anxious tremors. The Behemoth took a deep breath as if trying to draw in all the air from the no man’s land.

Witness it, worship it.

Behemoth is an existence that deserves to be in such a position, and is an object to look up to.

When the day is bright, when the dawn drives out the darkness and the dawn takes its place.

Behemoth’s eyes were staring at the cliff at the end.

I will destroy the castle of those humans and confirm once again who the owner of this land is.