Chapter 92 – When The Familiar Me Disappeared

 

Arina’s PoV

 

We had always been arguing about the value of life.

 

It had always been a controversy whether it was okay if someone were to be left alive or not.

 

I didn’t particularly have any opinion about death penalty and I chose not to think about it. Mostly because the arguments for both sides were ridiculous since they sacrificed logic for either emotional attachments or religious value.

 

But in the end, my opinion didn’t matter, the majority ruled and Japan retained its death penalty.

 

When mom said that my dad died, my first thought was that he was sentenced to death.

 

Sui was saying something to me, but both my vision and hearing were blurred, as if I was deep inside a swimming pool. I could feel a small pressure on my neck.

 

If someone were to ask me if my dad deserved to die or not…

 

If my words could decide the fate of the man who abused me, violated my mind, tormented my mom and ruined my life…

 

Would I have said that he deserved to die or not?

 

Was he someone who deserved to die?

 

How did you decide that in the first place, anyway?

 

Honestly, I didn’t want him to die.

 

I just didn’t want to see him. I just wanted him to stay away from my life.

 

*   *   *

 

After that, Sui brought me home.

 

There was a police car parked right in front of my house and there were two police officers speaking with my mom right at the doorstep. The first thought that appeared in my mind was that mom did something to my dad and that made my heart beat faster.

 

I couldn’t understand the swirl of emotions that were shown on mom’s face. Was she sad? Relieved? Confused? Or perhaps, a mixture of all of them. I probably wore the same expression on my face.

 

Sui left without saying anything. I felt sorry for the troubles I caused for him, but I didn’t have the strength to apologize to him.

 

I didn’t pay any attention to the police’s explanation as they brought me and my mom into the car. One of them mumbled something into their radio before starting the car. Where would they bring us to? I didn’t know.

 

My eyes were locked to the passing city lights outside the window. I wanted everything to end quickly. The inside of the car was dead silent, save from the occasional sound coming from the radio.

 

*   *   *

 

Setoyama Akira.

 

The doctor mentioned my dad’s name.

 

In order to clarify whether it was actually him or not, they brought mom and I here.

 

I was aware that the name I was using in grade school was Setoyama Arina, but I had no recollection on referring to myself with that name.

 

The cause of my dad’s death was suffocation.

 

He was so drunk that he fell asleep on the street, vomited and suffocated to death. There was no sign that he suffered from it because his body had been cleaned thoroughly. Until the end of his life, he was still addicted to alcohol.

 

Mom said nothing. I could only see the tip of her nose since her bangs were covering the other parts of her face. She confirmed to the doctor that it was dad’s body, but she said nothing else after that.

 

I had to wait in another room after that was done. Someone approached me, they looked like a counselor, but since I had nothing to say to him, I declined his service and patiently waited for my mom.

 

‘Your dad died…’

 

Suddenly, mom’s words came back to me.

 

I felt a stir in my chest. Someone had died. A death that was far more impactful and real than the ones I heard on the news. It was disturbing. It was hard to breathe. 

 

I wanted to run away.

 

I didn’t want to feel anything.

 

My stomach churned as I curled my back and placed my forehead on the desk.

 

It was only two months ago, December 30th, that he visited me. I still wondered if he really had repented on his mistakes.

 

The words he said back then, were all of them true? He said that he had reformed, he regretted everything that he had done and he would make amends to me.

 

There was no way to find out now. The dead tells no tales after all.

 

*   *   *

 

They didn’t detain me for long because I had nothing to do with this incident. They said that they would contact us again, but it was directed to my mom more than me.

 

The Setoyamas would be in charge of his funeral.

 

We refused to attend it and they didn’t say anything about it. It was a tacit understanding since they knew about our situation.

 

When we got back home, mom told me that I should take a day off tomorrow before disappearing into her room. She looked disheveled and worned out. Was she okay?

 

I entered my room and sank onto my bed.

 

It was currently midnight and I was still in my uniform. I didn’t feel like changing, so I closed my eyes.

 

His death meant nothing to me, but why did I feel uneasy?

 

Wouldn’t I be able to live in peace now?

 

I had been freed from my trauma.

 

Yet, why was I feeling anxious?

 

*   *   *

 

My consciousness slowly surfaced and regained its senses.

 

When I woke up, I felt lethargic. My ribs felt sore and my chest was in pain, probably because I slept in a bad position last night. When I got up and took off my uniform, I felt nauseous.

 

That wasn’t enough to make me vomit, though. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. My head felt strangely heavy even though I didn’t oversleep nor had trouble sleeping. Something was wrong.

 

I unbuttoned my shirt and a wall board entered my vision. It was a handmade board, made by a fourth grader by the name of Setoyama Arina.

 

My fingers froze.

 

I recognized this board. I made this board back then in art class. I remembered how much fun I had varnishing the wooden parts of the board. That day, I smelled so bad to the point I couldn’t even smell anything else properly.

 

A certain memory that I shouldn’t have remembered came rushing.

 

“Ugh…”

 

I stood up and held my head.

 

My dad’s face came back to me. I remembered the time when I graduated from grade school. The memories of my time together with Aki-senpai. The memories when I used to play basketball. My dad’s arrest. My mom changed her name back to her maiden name. Everything that the other me experienced. All the abuse that I suffered by the hands of my dad.

 

It felt like everything came together to form a picture.

 

“Why?”

 

How could I forget about this?

How was it even possible?

 

I suffered from amnesia, I thought I would die alone, not knowing who I was for the rest of my life, yet when they finally returned to me, I was confused.

 

I remembered everything. The unfamiliar arrangements of everything inside my room became familiar in an instant. Everything began to clear up for me.

 

However, I felt like I had lost something.

 

Was I mistaken? I remembered everything now, from my lost memories to the friends I made in high school. Yet something still felt strange. Was it my dad’s death?

 

This uneasiness I felt, I failed to dispel it.

 

*    *    *

 

Sui’s PoV

 

Three days passed since then and Arina hadn’t come to school once.

 

I was curious about her dad, but I wasn’t inconsiderate enough to ask her about it.

 

After Valentine’s passed, everything returned to normal, the hosts disappeared and there were no dumbasses wandering around wearing perfumes anymore. People moved on and talked about class changes and entrance exams instead.

 

“I saw Hiwa just now.”

 

As I put my finger on the lid of my can, Makoto said that.

 

“Really?”

“Yeah, I saw her walking with Shirona.”

 

I went out into the hallway and saw Arina and Shirona’s backs.

 

“Oi~ You’re finally here.”

 

They turned around and looked at me.

 

“Are you alright now, Arina?”

 

She didn’t answer me, instead, she covered her mouth with her hand and whispered something to Shirona’s ear. The latter seemed surprised before laughing it off and patting Arina’s shoulder.

 

Arina seemed puzzled as she furrowed her eyebrows.

 

“Sui, are you fighting with Arina-san?”

“Same old, she’s just abusing me one-sidedly.”

 

Did I do something to offend her?

 

Maybe I did something rude when I dropped her off the other day?

 

No way, right? If I did that, I wouldn’t be alive now.

 

Arina tilted her head and looked at me.

 

“Sorry, but… Who are you?”