94 – Past, Acting, and Last Greed

After entering the mansion, I followed Gilbert’s guidance and walked down the hallway.

It was after Ariel and Rachel went up to their respective rooms to pack their belongings.

Both said they would be back soon… but still couldn’t avoid the awkward situation of walking alone with Gilbert.

Reluctantly, I quietly followed Gilbert, who was walking ahead with a happy expression on his face.

“……”

The atmosphere of the mansion, which I returned after a long time, was a little untidy, unlike what I remembered.

ㅡI heard that Bocchan came back?

ㅡWhy did you come back so early? If it’s academy vacation, there’s still quite a bit left…

ㅡThe head of the house went to see him…

—-Uh, over there…! You pass by…

Maids wandering around, and servants sparsely guarding their seats in every hallway.

At the muffled hum of their voices, I muttered, slightly bending my brows.

“…The mansion seems a little noisy.”

“Heh heh, since the young master has returned after almost six months.”

Gilbert let out an old laugh at my words.

He brushed down his handsome beard and smiled lightly.

“Everyone must be welcoming the young boy who has returned after a long time.”

“Haha… Your humor has improved since I haven’t seen you, butler.”

“Does this sound like a joke?”

“Yes, that’s a very bad joke.”

It’s impossible for servants to welcome me.

When I reacted coldly, Gilbert’s laughing expression hardened a little.

He glanced sideways at the servants hovering around him and opened his mouth as if to make excuses for them.

“…These are the ones who have been preparing to welcome the young master since the day before yesterday.”

“Did your father do it?”

“……”

“I knew you would.”

So… the servants waiting in a row in front of the wagon earlier, that’s what my father thought.

I chewed on my light guesses and at the same time moved on, sorting out the feeble doubts.

Gilbert followed me and slightly bowed his head.

“I’m sorry, Bocchan. I said something useless…”

“Don’t apologize, I don’t really care.”

I resolutely cut off his apology, and waved my hand to signify not to mind.

“And what, isn’t it obvious?”

“Yes…?”

“What kind of crazy person would welcome a fool who ate his mother?”

“……”

Gilbert’s body trembled at my words, but soon his expression darkened and he shut his mouth.

The ongoing conversation is cut off, and an awkward silence fills the gap.

We passed the hallway with a moment of uncomfortable silence in our arms.

trudging

The muffled sound of footsteps reaches my ears. And followed by…

—-Damn it, I’m going to fall over again…

—-You’re just at the academy, so why don’t you come down…

ㅡShh…! What are you going to do if the young master hears it…!!

—-Yes, everyone, lower your voice… If you don’t want your hair to fly away…

I can hear the whispers of the maids and servants chatting in the corner of the hallway.

A clear hostility aimed at my throat.

The whispering sounds, and the unpleasant glances that scan me.

I chewed on all of that and twisted the corner of my mouth slightly.

‘Again… this is it.’

Come to think of it, the place Raiden messed with the most was the mansion…

It’s not that I didn’t expect these reactions, but when I shut up, my chest hurt a little.

I touched a corner of my empty feelings and added a bitter smile to my lips.

‘It reminds me of the old days…’

The atmosphere of the mansion, lingering with cold hostility, made me recall memories from my previous life.

‘The kendo hall where I trained… It was a space like this.”

kendo hall.

In my short life, a space where I spent close to half of my time.

There, everyone always looked at me like this.

Vigilance, worry, fear.

Maybe it was because there were rumors that getting involved with me would not end well.

Except for Chang-ho hyung and Ji-hye noona, most of the people in the kendo gym looked at me like a monster and avoided me.

ㅡEveryone be careful, if you get involved with him…

ㅡHey, Seo Chang-ho…! Don’t talk to him…!!

ㅡI wish I didn’t have that bastard… I got really anxious…

“It’s been a while… this memory comes to mind.”

I mumbled that, naturally accepting the auditory hallucinations in my ears.

I had to stagger my steps for a while at the feeling that my stomach was spinning and my vision was spinning.

Could it be because the ‘iron spirit’ that held onto my trauma was gone?

Memories that would not have come to mind normally gnawed at my head, and swirling hallucinations and hallucinations pierced me deeply.

“Ouch, ugh…”

“Bocchan? Are you okay? You’re suddenly staggering…”

“It’s nothing, I’m just a little dizzy…”

“Are you not feeling well?”

“It’s just that I’m tired.”

I tried to keep a smile on my lips and removed Gilbert’s hand from supporting me.

The twisted expression on his face seemed like it would shatter if he lost his guard even a little.

“Let’s go to my room first, I think I should get some sleep.”

“But, if you come back, I would like to see the Duke first…”

“Haha, old man. When did you say I cared about that?”

Since you haven’t seen me for a long time, it seems that you forgot that I was a fool.

When I said that and let out a laugh, Gilbert slightly raised his brow and nodded.

“…Yes, then I understand. I will take you to your room.”

“That’s a good idea.”

thank god.

If you’re in the room, you don’t have to feel this kind of atmosphere.

I let go of the hour and crossed the hallway with a staggering step.

.

.

.

“Then, rest in peace, young man.”

“Good job, old man.”

As soon as I arrived in the room, I roughly took off my coat and sat my swaying body on the bed.

The duvet on the bed, which collapses under the weight of your body, gently wraps your body.

I said to Gilbert, who was tidying up my coat, grasping my consciousness that was clouded by the swaying drowsiness.

“….. The old man.”

“Yes, Bocchan.”

“Can I just give you one command, as the eldest son of the Duke of Lisit?”

“The servant of the Lisit family, Gilbert. I will faithfully fulfill it.”

Gilbert immediately bowed his head and answered my call.

I stared at him for a moment as he stood at an angle, then licked my lips bitterly and opened my mouth.

“…please don’t let anyone enter my room for a while.”

“Nobody, you say?”

“Yes, nobody.”

“How much does the term for a while mean roughly?”

“Until I instruct you otherwise.”

“Hmm, okay.”

Fortunately, Gilbert did not ask the reason for the order.

I said my final goodbyes to Gilbert as he left the room, then quietly collapsed onto the bed.

“Whoa…”

I let out the breath I was holding back, wiping the cold sweat hidden behind my bangs.

Perhaps because the stimulation of the trauma was more severe than expected, her forehead was already damp.

“Damn, damn trauma…”

He chewed light insults in his mouth and fumbled for his pants pocket.

After messing around a few times, what I got was a small box filled with marijuana.

I took one stick out of it and hurriedly brought it to my mouth.

—-Click, chiik…

At the same time as the lighter sounded, a line of smoke began to bloom.

Like a drug addict, I desperately sucked in the misty smoke.

“Huh, uh… uhh, uh…”

After a few rough breathings echoed around the room, I was able to regain my composure.

Psychotherapy had an immediate effect, putting to rest the headaches and traumas plaguing my head.

“Haa…it’s a relief that there’s even a heart attack…”

Perhaps, if I hadn’t been in this state of mind, my mind would have collapsed long ago.

I shuddered a little at the creepy assumptions drawn in my head.

He muttered quietly as he brushed off the ashes scattered here and there as his fingers trembled.

“By the way, when will the status window be restored…”

I should be able to leave this world only when the status window is restored and contact is made with the goddess.

I looked at the empty space somewhere empty.

“…Well, actually, there’s no need to go through such a complicated process.”

His wandering gaze reached the one-handed sword that was tied around his waist.

I reached out and picked it up without a word.

—-Sureureung…..

My face is reflected on the blue sword that was unleashed with a clear sound.

“……”

If I thrust this sword into my throat right now, I will be able to meet the Goddess right away.

No more procrastinating this life and getting an immediate end.

…..However.

Even though I know how to do that, the reason I haven’t stopped breathing myself is…

‘I don’t want to do something like suicide twice…’

It was because of the rejection coming from the death he had already experienced.

I was remembering

How painful the first death was.

What it felt like to have your skull crushed while you were still conscious and your brain bursting out of the torn scalp.

“It hurts, I want to stop now…”

I hated being in pain.

It was already painful enough just to live, but I didn’t want to engrave a story full of pain even at the end.

If they were going to disappear anyway, I wanted to be separated even a little more comfortably.

“Maybe it’s greed…”

But even so,

Could this level of greed be fulfilled?

I just wanted my death to be as soft as a cloud.

“Huh, whoa…”

As I sank into meaningless thoughts, I let out the last smoke I was holding.

I closed my eyes quietly, holding the scattered remnants in my eyes.

.

.

.

And, it had already been a week since Raiden stayed at the mansion.