93 – something false

“….Rachel.”

“……”

“Don’t tell Ariel that I’m leaving.”

After a short conversation, they were walking towards the carriage stop.

I made that request to Rachel, who was walking ahead.

To that, Rachel didn’t answer, but quietly turned her head and looked back at me.

‘Why?’

The brown eyes staring at me without a word seemed to ask me that.

I put a slightly awkward smile on my lips and added words as if to make excuses.

“I just… I’m afraid I’ll be disturbed. I’d rather not know.”

“……”

“And…if Ariel finds out, she will definitely try to hold me back…”

The more you go to the end of the sentence, the more and more blurry the tail of the horse.

Realizing how selfish I was speaking, I twisted the corner of my mouth that was up.

Please don’t let me know that I’m leaving…

‘sh*t…..’

I let out a small sigh and let out a small sigh.

The exhaled breath that flows thinly between the lips meets the cold air and disperses as thick breath.

“…No, just forget about it.”

“……”

I shook my hand and brushed away the words I had spoken.

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Just as he was about to move forward with an ambiguous smile on his lips again—

“…My lady, are you going to catch me?”

—-Rachel, who had been silent all along, opened her mouth.

“…..Rachel?”

“You just said, ‘If Ariel finds out, she’ll try to hold me.’ Called….”

A strangely trembling voice.

If you look ahead with a sense of incongruity…

A solid line of water color running down her white cheeks catches my eye.

“Then what about me…? Why did you tell me?”

the girl was crying

looking at me

“I can hold on to you too… I also hope you don’t leave…”

Shaking brown eyes, and teardrops dripping to the floor.

Rachel looked at me with a distorted expression, as if the crying she had been holding back for a while had finally burst out.

“What are you going to do if I stop the young master…?”

“……”

“No matter how powerless I am as a mere maid… As long as I tell the lady or the duke…!”

“Rachel.”

I let out a quiet voice and cut off Rachel’s words, which seemed to be filled with emotions.

Rachel realized belatedly that her voice had risen, and shut her mouth.

“……”

I looked at her like that and continued my small talk.

“You won’t.”

That will be too…

“Because you said you were always on my side.”

The dry, wet horse lands on the air.

At the same time, Rachel’s expression, which had been disheveled, could be seen hardening.

Fragments of the short past run through my mind.

ㅡI will always be on the boy’s side.

—-I told you, I will always be on your side…

—-Don’t worry, Bocchan. Everything will be fine.

“You said that, Rachel.”

“……”

This is a word that binds you.

And, a word that makes me unable to hold on to it.

Because you are for ‘Raiden’ more than anyone else, you cannot stop ‘me’.

“I… to me, the young master is everything…”

“……”

“As long as the young master is here, it can be done…”

Traces of tears shining transparently in the dim sunlight.

I held the shimmering glitter in my eyes for a moment, and smiled vaguely.

It was to hide the fact that a strange expression was about to come to mind, dyed with fluctuating emotions.

“…sorry.”

“……”

“Sorry.”

Apologies once again.

Nothing has changed, nothing has been resolved.

The wounds engraved inside each of them only festered.

.

.

.

after that last conversation.

There was no further conversation between me and Rachel.

We quietly took our steps, deeply immersed in our own silence and our own thoughts.

After a while, I was able to see the carriage stop, which was the destination I saw not far away.

“…Ah, brother! Rachel!!”

Ariel, who was waiting for us in front of the bus stop, waved her hand and ran as soon as our eyes met.

Ariel came quickly and hugged me.

She groaned and buried her face in my chest.

“Why are you so late?”

“Sorry, I had to talk to Rachel for a minute.”

“Still, you should have come sooner…”

“Haha, were you worried? That you might not come?”

“…..yes.”

Ariel answered with a slightly subdued voice.

Her voice trembled as she dug deeper into my arms.

“…I was scared, that my brother wouldn’t come.”

“…Ariel?”

“Just in case, brother, like that time…”

“……”

My mouth was again speechless.

…Come to think of it, Ariel also saw me ‘that day’.

I patted Ariel’s back with my other hand while gently tying the area around her throbbing neck.

“Now, stop being spoiled and get on. The carriage is waiting for you.”

“yes….”

Ariel nodded and quietly left her arms.

She timidly came out, took Rachel’s hand, and climbed into the carriage that had stopped beside her.

I followed her, moving my blank gaze to the sky to hide my darkened expression.

“Then, let’s go… uh!”

ㅡHeeheeheehee!!

As everyone sat down, the coachman vigorously waved the reins to announce the departure.

With a slight jolt, the wagon started running on the road.

Watching the scenery outside the window pass by faster and faster, I quietly leaned against the window.

“Bocchan…? Are you going to sleep again?”

“Yeah… I’ll close my eyes.”

I didn’t really think about it, but I answered like that.

I wanted to spend the time quietly while I was going.

As I quietly close my eyes to pretend to be asleep, the thoughts filling my head start to creep up.

ㅡ Mr. Doryun….

—-You said you wouldn’t leave…

‘sh*t…..’

The first thing that came to mind in my complicated mind were the few conversations I had with Rachel a few minutes ago.

Those short voices flowed out of my memory and stuck to my ears.

ㅡWhat are you going to do if I block the young master…?

—-For me… To me, the young master is everything…

—-As long as the Bocchan is there, it can be done…

A voice soaked in tears.

That warm word that still remains in my ears, that word stabs me cruelly.

Recalling the deep pain, I slightly twisted the corner of my mouth.

‘Yes, Rachel… you’ll need a ‘boyfriend’.’

To you, the existence of a young master has so much meaning that you can give up all of your life.

I know everything.

Why do you hang yourself so much against the young master?

What kind of salvation did that young boy give you?

Why do you… do you love that boy?

‘I know everything… I learned while living with you…’

that’s why you want to leave

Because I know too much

Because while I was with you, I learned too much to pass by.

‘That’s true….. I’m not the ‘Raiden’ you think…’

A line of thought that had been deeply locked in passed by, followed by a terrible emptiness.

I chewed my lips lightly as I felt a deep sense of exhaustion.

Raiden and me.

A piece of truth that has been neglected for so long.

The uncomfortable truth that I was able to look back on after ‘that day’ when everything collapsed.

‘Because the me who exists in this world is, to put it mildly… something false.’

Although the shell is Raiden, the essence is completely different.

Like a parasite parasite, a being that enters someone else’s body and acts as if it were her own.

Because that was ‘me’.

‘…..Yes, it’s not me that people love.’

Ariel, Lucy, Rachel…

After coming to this world, the people who became my pillars.

The existence they loved was ‘Raiden’, not a fake like me.

I was just a strange boy who had been given pieces of memories of Raiden who had died.

I didn’t have mine here.

both love and hate.

I clenched my bare hands tightly and dived into the sea of thoughts.

depth.

deeper.

.

.

.

“……”

“… Daddy! Wake up, brother! We’ve arrived.”

I opened my closed eyes at the gesture of shaking my body and waking me up.

A red-haired girl comes into the dreamy field of view.

When she met my eyes, she smiled lightly.

“Uh, uh… Ariel…?”

“I arrived, while my brother was sleeping.”

“…..I, slept?”

“Huh…? What are you talking about? My brother said, I’ll close my eyes.”

“Ah… um, yes. It was.”

Ariel looked at me strangely, and I let out an awkward reaction and salivated inwardly.

Damn… I was just going to pretend to be asleep, but it seems I actually fell asleep.

And that’s over 14 hours…

“Whoa…”

With a slight shivering headache, I shook off the rest of my sleep and woke up.

As the blurred eyes are focused, the vision becomes clearer and clearer.

The wagon, which stopped rattling before I knew it, stopped,

A huge mansion dimly lit through opaque windows.

“It’s home…”

Seeing the house I haven’t seen in a long time, I spit out such a sound.

……Well, strictly speaking, that’s not my house, it’s Raiden’s house.

“Wait a moment, Bocchan. I’ll open the door.”

While I was taking a bitter taste and tidying up my disheveled clothes.

Rachel got off the carriage and bowed while holding the door.

I said, looking at her in awe.

“…You shouldn’t have to do that. No one will care anyway.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t know if it’s normal, but I have to do it when the people in the mansion are watching.”

“Yes, oppa. A maid who doesn’t show respect in front of the mansion, what will people think of Rachel?”

Rachel and Ariel responded by pointing to the servants standing in a row in front of the mansion’s door.

I found it belatedly and let out a sigh as I felt the headache getting worse.

“Damn…. what else is that?”

“What is it, the appearance of servants welcoming the young master?”

“…Don’t you think everyone’s expressions are far from welcome?”

“Well, I’m not sure about that.”

“I’ll be thrilled.”

Who the hell is doing that…

With a slight pain, I grabbed the throbbing brow.

As I forcibly moved my feet that would not come off and got off the carriage, someone greeted me.

“Are you here, young lady… and the young master?”

An elderly man standing at the front of the procession of servants.

Looking at him with a slightly bowed back and a respectful posture, I returned an awkward greeting.

“Ah… It’s been a while, old man.”

“Master Gilbert!!”

Gilbert gave me and Ariel a soft smile.

“Come on, let’s eat inside. You’ve had a hard time staying in the carriage for a long time.”

“Yes… that’s right…”

Ariel, Rachel, and I were guided by Gilbert and followed him through the procession of servants.