4 – Mixed Spirits

“Rather… that day, you should have died instead of my mother…”

Raiden hardened like ice at her words.

‘that day’.

The day that left an indelible scar on Raiden and instilled an obsession to be hated by others.

The words my sister said were words to dig open wounds that hadn’t healed yet.

Raiden’s expression turned white, but his sister couldn’t see it because her eyes were tightly closed.

And her mouth didn’t stop there.

“You shouldn’t have died!! Why did trash like you live and your mother died… Just you! You shouldn’t have died!!!”

Raiden felt his breath tighten.

I felt my breathing catch on.

Even for him who wanted to be hated, this wound was too painful.

-If you hand over the Raiden Receipt, I’ll spare you the rest.

– Run away!!

A voice ringing in my ears, and…

– Push!

The unpleasant sound of metal blades piercing human flesh.

-You should have died!!

On top of that, the words he had just heard from his sister mixed together, creating dizziness.

After the younger brother finished speaking, he turned around and left.

Raiden, who was left alone in the hallway, was blank.

I was just standing there blankly.

and that night.

– Raiden…

-Uh… Mother…?

-Son… Because of you… Because of you, I died…

-mother…!?

-It’s because of you… It’s because of you…

He had a terrible nightmare.

After that day.

The precarious tower he had built through compulsion and stupidity collapsed terribly at the words of his sister.

I sometimes overheard similar words in the whispers of servants, but hearing them from my family was completely different.

Because he was very fond of his family.

Because I was a sister whom I loved as much as my mother.

The words that came out of my sister’s mouth were so painful.

“……”

Raiden quietly got out of bed.

And then I got out of the dormitory.

After 11:00 p.m., access to the dormitory was restricted, but Raiden moved on.

That’s how I got out of the academy.

Raiden walked.

Without any purpose, without thinking, I just repeated the action of ‘walking’.

He kept repeating the cries of his mother he had seen in his dreams, putting on a blank expression.

10 minutes like that.

30 minutes.

1 hours.

2 hours.

6 hours.

By the time I couldn’t even guess how much time had passed.

His body was in the forest of a mountain.

Without thinking, I just headed forward, and it seemed that I had come to a strange place.

However, Raiden did not stop.

Like his obsession, he didn’t stop.

Unable to turn, like his compulsion to move forward, Raiden walked, looking only forward.

So it must have been.

What Raiden didn’t see were the tree roots around his feet.

“……!”

When he tripped over the roots of a tree, a high precipice awaited him.

This, too, was something that Raiden hadn’t seen since he was walking frantically.

With that, Raiden plummeted into the air.

– Woojijik!

With the sound of his skull being shattered, Raiden’s story ended.

.

.

.

I opened my eyes feeling the soft touch on my back.

As soon as you lift your eyelids, what you see is the colorful patterned ceiling.

It’s the first time I’ve seen it, but it’s never unfamiliar.

It was Leiden Lisitt’s room.

“Ugh…”

I stood up, frowning at the still lingering headache.

The academy uniform, which had been tattered, had been replaced with new, dry clothes, as if someone had changed it, and the body was also neatly washed.

Bandages were carefully wrapped around the body.

‘……Is that Rachel?’

A room with a familiar structure.

It was slightly different from before Raiden’s last visit, but for the most part it was the same as he remembered.

A feeling of joy swelled in the depths of his heart.

It wasn’t what I was feeling.

It was Raiden’s feeling.

‘Something feels bad…’

The sense of heterogeneity was no joke as things that were not even my feelings ran through my head.

So while I was calming my pounding head, I heard a rustle from the side of the bed.

“Ooh…”

Looking to the side, the maid girl I saw right before I collapsed, Rachel, was sleeping with her head on the bedside.

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Judging from the bandages and empty potion bottles lying next to her, it seemed that she was the one who did this treatment.

Seeing her made my heart ache.

Rachel was the only one who didn’t turn her back on Raiden despite his madness.

Raiden, who didn’t fall apart no matter how badly he treated her, treated her badly in order to somehow get rid of her.

There were dark stains of tears on her cheeks.

“Ugh…”

She squinted as if it was uncomfortable because her hair pricked her eyes.

I quietly stroked her hair.

It wasn’t what I was trying to do.

It was something my body did reflexively.

I felt dirty because I felt like my body was moving on its own.

Of course, it’s not really my body.

He sighed as the complicated thoughts tangled in his head.

I quietly called the status window.

“Status window.”

-Titling!

“Search for details about synchronization.”

-Titling!

A blue window appeared before my eyes.

[synchronization]

It is a perk of possessing that is given to better melt into this world.

Raiden Lisit’s past and your consciousness fuse.

You can fully convey the emotions Raiden felt.

“……”

So, in short, it was the process of forcibly mixing my consciousness and Raiden’s consciousness.

This is a special feature of Bing…

‘I want to commit suicide…’

It seems like it’s been a long time since I’ve thought about it.

Originally, I thought about it several times a day, but this seems to be the first time since I possessed it.

-Titling!

[Due to the skill ‘Spirit of Iron’, your depression and suicidal impulses are nullified.]

-Titling!

[Your depression and suicidal thoughts are too deep, so you resist the skill ‘Spirit of Iron’.]

[The effect of ‘Iron Spirit’ is partially reduced due to resistance.]

-Titling!

[You feel a shallow depression and some suicidal thoughts.]

“……”

I think I saw some reluctant phrases.

“Status window. Search ‘Spirit of Iron’.”

-Titling!

[Spirit of Iron]

Category: Skill

Rating:SSS

Description: A special skill directly bestowed by the Goddess, boasting the best performance.

Effect: Prevents 100% of mental abnormalities (suggestion, momentum, brainwashing, negative emotions, etc.) from you.

– Abnormalities that exceed ‘Spirit of Iron’ cannot be completely blocked.

“……”

Do you really want to commit suicide?

Somehow, I didn’t feel the helplessness and depression that I always felt in my previous life, but it was being taken with skills…

I thought it was just me mixing Raiden’s emotions, but he even uses the system to suppress my emotions.

‘It’s a skill given directly by the goddess…’

SSS level skill.

Among the characters in [The Hero Loved by Everyone], SSS-class skills have never appeared before.

It was just mentioned in passing that there is such a grade.

It was ‘Flame Storm’ (SS) that ranked the highest among the skills the main character had.

[-A status ailment that goes beyond ‘iron spirit’ cannot be completely prevented.]

I smiled when I saw the message.

There’s no way there’s a status ailment that can pierce an SSS-level mental barrier…

[Your depression and suicidal thoughts are too deep, so you resist the skill ‘Spirit of Iron’.]

[The effect of ‘Iron Spirit’ is partially reduced due to resistance.]

“……”

How depressed was I…?

Now that the ‘Spirit of Iron’ is activated, what I feel is only that kind of feeling – a vague sentiment.

‘I can see why the goddess gave me this skill…’

If it had not been for the ‘iron spirit’, he would have committed suicide again as soon as he woke up in the forest.

Depression that goes beyond the SSS-level mental barrier… that’s crazy…

“under……”

After letting out a complicated sigh, I turned my eyes back to the status window.

Among the many blue windows, one window stood out.

[Sync complete!]

I looked at the message and thought again.

Raiden, who I thought was just a ‘scapegoat for a one-time development of cider’, was a person with a story.

A person who has lived a wrong life due to an accident that was ruined by trauma.

I felt pity for him.

However, I couldn’t agree with that.

It was me who had never had a proper relationship with anyone in my previous life because it interfered with my training.

The only people he meets are the national team seniors who share swords for training.

Not even a few people talked to me there.

That’s why I was always struggling with loneliness and depression.

I was thirsty for the warmth and love of others.

But Raiden was the complete opposite of me.

He pushed them away because he was afraid of being loved.

He even felt resentful when he did stupid things to push away the people who loved him.

Don’t say you’re full, have you ever tasted real hell?

However, he did not have sincere hostility towards his past.

The emotions he felt every time he threw out the people around him, whenever he was hated by people…

It is passed on to me as well.

I couldn’t understand it, but I felt sympathy for him.

It’s kind of funny that you sympathize with other people for my subject…

While I was helping myself, the maid buried her head in the bed looked up to see if she had woken up.

She twitched her frosty eyes and looked at me as I stood up.

If it was Raiden, what expression would he have made on her?

If it wasn’t Raiden, but the real ‘Raiden’…

Perhaps reading my thoughts, the corners of my mouth went up softly.

And then he greeted me warmly.

“Hello, Rachel.”

She looked at me and bruised for a moment, then sighed and sighed.

“What… It’s a dream…”

Rachel slumps with her head back on the bed.

Looking at her like that, I tilted my head.

why do you do that

“Isn’t this a dream?”

“It’s a dream-. There’s no way the young master would smile at me like that…”

She had sad eyes for some reason.

“If it was about two years ago, I wouldn’t have known… The current boy is…”

As her complexion darkened, I felt guilty.

Of course, it was the guilt that my ‘body’ felt.

No, this is what emotional synchronization is all about.

It’s really not a joke.

I grumbled and brought my hand to her drooping face.

And then-

“Huh…?”

– Kkwaak

He grabbed her cheeks and pulled them all the way.

“Hehehe!!”

I felt a soft touch on my fingertips.

I felt nostalgic.

I used to like it when I touched my cheeks like this…

no, sh*t.

Raiden, not ‘me’.

For a moment, I almost thought I was Raiden.

Damn, get out of my head, Raiden!

“Do, you’re a young boy…?”

As I was performing the exorcism ritual in my head, I felt the cheeks I was holding grunt.

When I turned my head, Rachel was looking at me with a puzzled look.

“Huh…? A dream… isn’t it a dream…?”

“How do you listen to people, Ray?”

Rachel’s eyes widened at my words.

Lay.

That was the nickname I used to call her when I was little.

No f*ck, not me, Raiden.

I clung tightly to the scattered identities in my head.

Then, looking at Rachel, who was looking at me with a puzzled expression, I greeted her again.

“Good morning, Ray.”