97 – blocked and blocked – 2

“…eww…”

As soon as the headache subsided, what I noticed was that the mental illness had disappeared.

Until she passed out, all that was in her head was resentment towards herself and a sense of helplessness that she could do nothing, but now it was different.

Evangeline sighed involuntarily as the sense of helplessness and defeat that had eaten away at her whole body had disappeared.

I always thought of it whenever I saw a defeatist elf who came to the elf forest to be healed.

How bad can you be that you don’t even have confidence in yourself and become such a defeatist?

Evangeline, who always snorted at the words that she would not know unless she experienced it directly, shuddered as she recalled the memory of that terrible defeat she had.

“ah.”

no. Now, none of that matters.

Hyunwoo?

He said. I’m going to take my own mental illness.

So is he okay?

Of course, I know that defeatists are not as harmless as elves to the human race.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect them at all.

Didn’t Hyeonu even say that he had self-harm?

“hyeon…”

-Wooddeuk!!

Evangeline, who was urgently calling for Hyeonu, was unable to say anything at the terrible bursting sound that pierced her ears.

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Just now.

What the hell was that sound I just heard?

“aaagh!! Tongue, Hyeonu!!”

Because Hyeonu was right next to him, I could see him properly.

With an infinitely melancholy face, with an infinitely sunken expression.

Hyeonu broke his own finger.

self-injury.

Mental illness that recovers from stress by injuring oneself.

Evangeline hurriedly reached out to Hyeonu, remembering the memory of calming herself down when she hurt her ear or wrist.

“not…”

“Cure!!”

Light emanated from beyond the aura of darkness.

This is Cardinal Veronica.

A beautiful priest who fits Hyeonu so well.

Even though she is a human, she is a woman with beauty and strength that is not inferior to that of an elf.

She bit her teeth and hurriedly used Cure to heal the sage’s hand.

– Wooddeuk…!!

Broken bones begin to return to their original state.

Is it because it is the treatment of a cardinal-level person?

In an instant, his hand was restored, and the shiny-haired man charged with an axe.

It was definitely an adventurer named Six Man.

“Damn it! Last time I bounced it off when I was next to it, but why didn’t he bounce it?!

-Kuuung!!

Each time the Executioner, a unique axe, encounters the aura of darkness, the aura is scattered.

-thud!! Wow! thud!!

For once, it was just the aura shaking. But he didn’t care. just keep going

He just swung the ax at Aura with his teeth clenched.

While the aura was shaking, the wise man raised his hand with a gloomy face.

“no!!”

“stop!!”

Veronica’s cry.

And Cecil’s scream.

Evangeline urgently got up and grabbed Hyeonu’s arm.

“Tongue, Hyeonu! Ha, don’t do it!! Don’t do it!!”

Why do you have to get hurt because of me?

Evangeline, who recalled Hyeonu from the ordeal, begged while ignoring the cold sweat flowing from her body.

“Please! Please stop… Please don’t! Jebaal…!”

I hope you don’t get hurt.

I don’t want you to suffer.

You’ve already hurt enough because of me, who is stupid, ugly, and the trash that only you know.

So stop…

“…failed.”

Holding Hyeonu’s arm, Evangeline felt goosebumps run down her spine.

what’s the voice…

What the hell is this voice…?

why?

Why do you have such a voice mixed with despair?

Not only elves suffering from defeatism, but also humans, dwarves, beastmen, and other races.

I have seen many people who have failed and suffered a sense of defeat while fighting against the mighty power of the demon king.

And even after defeating the demon lord, I have seen many people who have become defeatists on the battlefield.

However.

No one Evangeline had ever seen had a voice as melancholy and desperate as the Sage.

why?

why do you sound like that

you have always been successful

You have always achieved your goals.

But why…

“Kyaaak!!”

Hyeonu, who shook off his gripped arm, glanced slightly at Evangeline, who had hit her buttocks.

A look so cold and so heavy.

Evangeline unknowingly swallowed dry saliva at the intense gaze that made her heart tighten just by looking at her.

“…failed.”

The spell was invoked again.

This time it was shadow magic.

Dozens of shadow tentacles appear to block those who approach.

“Nyaaang! Complicated nyan!!”

“Evangeline! Stop it!! Stop Hyeonu from harming himself!!”

An urgent cry is heard from outside.

To save Hyeonu.

They are so eager to prevent him from hurting himself.

But he didn’t take his eyes off Evangeline, as if he didn’t care about that.

You should be happy.

Isn’t it monopolizing his gaze that he wanted so much?

But what is this feeling?

Evangeline looked up blankly at Hyeonu while suffering heart-piercing pain.

How many times did we meet eyes like that?

Hyeonu’s lips opened.

“…If it were me, I could have done a little better. If that’s the case, I could have guided the journey of defeating the demon king more smoothly… What is a dead person…”

It felt like a huge hammer had hit the back of the head.

now. What are you talking about?

“no.”

not.

you did a good job

He supported me better than anyone else.

It’s my fault for not recognizing that, rejecting and hating you.

So don’t beat yourself up.

“Ah. Ah…”

But I couldn’t get the words out.

his eyes look so sad

Because his expression looked so sad.

When Evangeline barely opened her lips, feeling a stabbing pain in her chest.

The sage’s hand grasped his fingers again.

“no!!”

The hand never broke a finger.

Hyeonu couldn’t move his hands as if he was caught by something.

“Got it! As it is…”

-Chang-Geurang!!

“Kyaaak?!”

I heard Cyron’s scream. Could she have used witchcraft?

It must be the dynamism

But how did you break it?

Hyeonu, who lightly blocked Cyron’s magic without any other equipment, let alone a staff, looked at his hand and bit his lip.

“…Failed again. Failed to even hurt me. Can’t even break me, a loser…”

-bang!! bang!!

“Almost done!!”

“Bless!! Six man!! I’ll ask you harder!!”

Unlike the gloomy inside, the outside was extremely urgent.

any faster.

any stronger.

He was concentrating on somehow destroying that sword’s aura and breaking the barrier he created.

Evangeline slowly turned her head.

veronica.

She suits Hyeonu so well.

Despite the tears welling up in her turquoise eyes, she did not waver and never looked away from the sage.

Anyone.

Even if it is the sage himself, it seems that he will heal the sage right away the moment he hurts him.

She is truly a strong and shining woman.

Unlike me.

Unlike the stupid and selfish me who hurt him out of a sense of superiority, I always try to save him.

“The hostility you all have towards me is justified. Not being able to control it… in the end, it must be my fault. Even though I said I knew everything, in the end…”

“What… No!! That’s…!!”

“I. Failed.”

“I didn’t fail!! It was me who failed…”

“I failed.”

Hands go up again.

Holding his fingers, Hyeonu muttered with a melancholy expression.

“You will fail again.”

Fingers bend in the wrong direction. Evangeline, seeing his fingers gradually turning purple from excessive force, grabbed his arm again to prevent him from harming himself.

“Keugh… I… can’t even destroy myself…”

self-injury.

and a defeatist.

Defeatists are stressed out by the burden of failure and guilt over it.

And self-injury relieves stress by hurting oneself.

Then what should I do?

If you think about Hyeonu’s spirit, you should let him harm himself.

But if you let that happen, he gets hurt and has to accept the pain.

But what if you block it?

What is the enormous mental pain he will suffer from not being able to hurt himself and failing to do so?

As seen in the ordeal, Hyeonu was also a human being.

He was such an ordinary person who was hurt by scolding and suffered from bullying.

What should he do with the mental pain he would bear if he couldn’t harm himself and failed to harm himself?

Should I let him feel the pain of the body?

Should I let him feel the pain of the spirit?

What should I do?

Although now in the best position to prevent the sage from harming himself, Evangeline shuddered in confusion.

We have to do it somehow.

But how?

“Evangeline!! Stop!!”

I was awakened by Cyron’s urgent cry. The sage was about to use teleportation before he knew it.

Evangeline quickly jumped up and grabbed his arm.

“…and me.”

The sage’s complexion is clouded by the mental burden caused by the failure of teleportation.

Ahh. I, what should I do?

I miss the old days.

Like before, I miss the time when Hyeonu showed me the way.

Why then did I laugh at his instructions? Why did I despise him?

why i…

Did you bully him for pointing out the right way?

“I’d rather… me…!!”

okay.

you did nothing wrong

you didn’t fail

so attack me

hurt me

“Do it to me!!”

Evangeline cried out earnestly as her arm was tightly gripped to prevent him from teleporting.

However, Hyeonu pushed her away and only tried to hurt himself again.

“Why why!!”

“…Because I failed. Because I can’t do anything. And… I’ll become someone who can’t do anything. In the end.”

“…”

“Because I can’t go back.”

A dagger made of ice was in the hand of the wise man who muttered weakly.

An ice dagger, a beginner magician.

The moment he tries to hurt himself with it.

-Chang-Geurang!!

Cecil’s dispel canceled his magic.

The wise man stared blankly at his hand, where the ice dagger had disappeared, and shook his head.

“Ah… ah ah…”

The more he fails to harm himself, the more he suffers.

And as much as that pain, despair comes.

Because of me.

Because of me.

It’s because I was with him.

“Ah … ah ah … I, I … if I didn’t … if I had heard of you … !!”

Evangeline let out a groan while clutching her hair as if she was about to tear it off.

Hyeonu said at the first underground waterway.

You’d better not do it.

But why did I challenge you?

Why did you come out to help him, and you couldn’t hold on and got mentally ill and made it difficult for him?

“aaa!! Jebaaal!!”

I want to apologize to him.

I want to tell him I’m sorry.

But that too was just greed in the end.

That would make the sage suffer again.

Pity, contempt, hatred.

Negative emotions began to take over Evangeline’s body.

“Ah ah ah ah ah!!”

Tears spilling out profusely, Evangeline grabbed the shadow spear in Hyeonu’s hand and blocked his spell.

Again self-injury failed.

The mental stress caused by not being able to self-harm plagues him.

And the self-reproach for failing to harm himself was driving the wise man into a corner.

“Failed.”

no.

“Failed.”

i failed

“Failed.”

It is me who is wrong.

So please…

Evangeline cried like a child and didn’t know what to do, so she held onto him tightly and stomped her feet.

should i stop him?

Should I leave him alone?

“Failed. Failed. Failed.”

Every time an emotionless word comes out, my heart breaks.

The pain was so intense that it ended up begging her.

“Wrong… wrong… wrong… I… I… my greed… huh… huh… huh… I…”

towards her

The sage spoke calmly in a gloomy tone.

“I failed.”

Confusing.

Can I deny Hyunwoo’s words?

Hyeonu was always right?

Even this time alone, I didn’t follow his words, so I ended up getting this four months?

Evangeline lifted her tear-stained face.

I don’t know whether to affirm or deny him.

With her head turned white, Evangeline gasped and cried, preventing him from using teleportation.

I can not do anything.

It would be me who truly failed.

Because I don’t know anything and I can’t do anything.

Because I found out that there’s nothing I can do for you even though I’m out of defeatist.

-Pereouk!!

Because I am different from that shining woman who will be by your side.

Veronica’s hand, which passed through the pierced aura of darkness, firmly grabbed the sage’s wrist, and she swung her fist at him as he blankly looked at her.

“You say that! I’ll fix it!!”

“….I…”

“You haven’t failed, says Veronica, Cardinal of the Church and your true friend, wise man. You never failed, and you never will. Why? I’ll be by your side.”

With just that, Veronica made it impossible for Hyeonu to hurt her.

The strongest recovery technique Veronica can use, ‘Divine Light’ covers the wise man’s body.

Now, no matter what he did, Hyeonu would not be able to hurt himself.

that shining look.

The confidence and confidence that are different from you are so dazzling.

It is so different from the self who has now learned that everything is irreversible.

Evangeline let go of the hand that was holding the wise man weakly and could only sob with her head bowed.