61 – Confession

It was a stroke of luck that I had to make it to the bottom line.

No, it’s actually self-inflicted.

Even I, the person who spit out the words, couldn’t help but feel embarrassed.

The warrior who heard that in front of his face must have been shocked.

To think that a writer whose name is a priest would carelessly talk about his lingering feelings for women, which he hadn’t been able to shake off.

No matter how much it is to awaken the consciousness of the warrior.

If it were me, the unscrupulous words and actions that I would not dare to imagine.

Thinking center or language center. It was a mistake I would never have made unless I went to one place.

Among the many words, I wondered why such absurd sounds had come out.

After all, before entering this place, it was only a rough guess that the nun’s voluptuous breasts, which I unintentionally visited, would have had a great adverse effect on my judgment.

”The imposition of holy power has stopped…!?”

However, at that very moment.

The suspicious woman who was diligently and faithfully carrying out my request to keep her mouth shut suddenly expressed a feeling of astonishment.

My consciousness was also disturbed when I realized belatedly that the birth of the holy power that had been seeping into the hero’s soul had stopped moving for a while, just as she had said.

Before long, my urgent gaze turned to the hero’s hair.

The white invasion that rose from the ends of her hair and reached the crown of her head before I knew it, starting from the moment I uttered the mistake, was weary of its sluggish movements.

”Poetry, bride… sir…?”

The hero looked up at me blankly and pursed his dry lips.

It was right after that.

As if a small sprout sprouted in the barren wilderness.

To see a ray of light of a whitish consciousness in that bleak pupil where no emotional fluctuations could be found.

It worked.

I don’t know why. It seemed clear and obvious that my absurd confession was helping the hero to regain his consciousness.

That’s why I decided to tell her a few more parts of the private parts that I had been hiding.

”Warrior. Actually, I smoked cigarettes before meeting the hero.”

”Huh?”

The warrior who tilts his head slowly.

It was as if he were looking at a small puppy that couldn’t understand human speech.

It was worth it.

Because it was none other than me who vehemently dissuaded my colleagues who sometimes tried to touch a cigarette out of curiosity, saying that there is no other act as harmless as smoking.

”I tried to quit several times, but it didn’t work out every time… The reason I can quit now is because there was a time when my life was so poor that I couldn’t even afford to buy cigarettes. If my life had always been affluent, I’d probably still have that harmful thing in my mouth.”

It was quite a chore to explain one’s own embarrassing past in a way that made it easier for others to hear.

Moreover, the object I am expressing my shame about is an idol of mankind who has no shame under the sky, as if the phrase “integrity and innocence” was born as a human being.

The pressure that weighed down his thoughts was indescribable.

”You know that I’m not good at drinking, right? In fact, that’s also cut down a lot. No matter how hard life gets, even if you have to worry about your meal tomorrow. For some reason, I just couldn’t stop drinking.”

It was a unilateral confession that didn’t even receive a single word.

Even if I didn’t like it, I could tell that she was listening to my story carefully from the gaze on the other side, who was staring straight at my low-key appearance with tear-stained sad eyes.

Immediately after closing his eyes and instilling determination in himself, he went on to speak again.

”hahahaha, isn’t that ugly?”

”Ah, Anit…!”

The question was asked with a self-deprecating laugh.

However, this was not a question I asked expecting an answer from her.

I carefully restrained the hero’s behavior as if he was trying to refute my words.

”The reason I started sponsoring the orphanage was no different. warrior. I mean. I wanted to be special.”

I wanted to be special.

I wanted to be envied. I wanted to be respected. I wanted to be supported.

I wanted to be better than others.

No, I wanted to dominate others.

Because I was determined to live this life like that.

when you are just starting to reach puberty.

The fact that the memories of my previous life slowly began to float on the seawater like a buoy was because I thought it was a revelation from God to fulfill such a long-cherished wish.

However, I did not have the talent, the background, or the pulpit to realize that ambitious promise.

I tried to struggle, but in the end, all of that ended up being a futile effort.

I was in despair.

No, I was pretending to be desperate.

I tried, but I didn’t give it my all.

I did my best, but I wasn’t sincere enough not to leave a lane.

It wasn’t long before I gave up the idea of looking up.

It was much more comfortable to walk lazily with my head bowed toward the floor, rather than risking my way forward while gazing at the unreachable sky.

”At that time, it was only the hero who accidentally caught my eye.”

It didn’t matter who it was.

Even a wicked man in the world would have stretched out his hand, and even a good man in the world would have thrown it away sooner or later.

Because I just wanted to be mercifully looking down on those who were worse than me and indulge in that small sense of superiority that I was better than them.

I handed rice to a stray cat, but the responsibility for it was no different from the behavior of the humble people who said they didn’t know me.

”You see? warrior? I am this kind of person.”

Could it be because the surroundings were quiet?

When I came to my senses, I was already carelessly spilling words that I hadn’t planned to confide in the first place.

A poor reason for reaching out to them.

An insignificant reason for reaping that hand.

To the absurd reason for bringing the once dirty hands towards them again.

”So there is no need for the hero to feel guilty.”

Because it was obvious that this would happen. I didn’t want to see her face.

Because I didn’t want to disappoint you.

Because I didn’t want to hate her.

As much as possible, I wanted to refrain from painfully feeling how small an existence I am in front of the gigantic standard of being her.

”I’m not noble enough to help someone without a good reason, nor am I responsible enough to spend my life righting wrongs.”

I wanted to atone, but I didn’t want to suffer forever under the weight of that sin.

Even if he was pointed at as a selfish guy, it didn’t matter.

One day, when the time came, I tried to put it down, and I tried to forget it.

Because the weight of two people’s lives was too heavy for me, a weak person.

”So it’s me who has to apologize.”

only crying. Chu Tae-man, who was said to shed tears, had to endure.

Anyway, isn’t that a very cowardly act?

In the midst of confessing his wrongdoing, he was trying to commute his sentence with tears.

I had to control my facial expressions and emotions.

to make her angry.

I worked hard to maintain a shameless face that was just right for a slap on the cheek.

”sorry. dragon····.”

Warak.

It was then.

Before I could finish my words, my body was suddenly tilted by something that came like an arrow toward my abdomen.

”Hero…?”

She hugged me all over my waist, threw me to the floor, and spilled cold words at me while burying her face in my abdomen.

”Did you come…”

It was a statement with a truly heavy intention, in contrast to the light weight felt on the boat.

”The priest… Didn’t the old man come back to us anyway…”

It was the warrior who was still hiding her expression under my coat, but from that damp voice, I was able to insinuate that she was biting into Gok-eup.

”I’m not as good a person as you think. I still cover a lot of food, and on days when I have nightmares, I shed unsightly tears. There are many cases where I focus on my selfish desires and forget my duty. Occasionally, hey with the priest… hey hey… he does dirty things! Unscrupulous imagining Joe, often unworthy of a seat! Oh, no, I used to do it quite a lot…”

”Hero…!?”

My heart was agitated to the point where I wondered if my heart had collapsed.

It wasn’t just because of the hero’s shocking remarks.

The divine aura that had dyed her hair pure white was gradually fading away as if snow soaked into the earth in the face of spring every time she chewed her words in a bold tone.

”Inauguration Day. My words that I have finished my determination to devote myself to the well-being and peace of this world. It was false. It was a blatant lie.”

”····”

”It was hypocrisy. It was a pretense. It was a detestable rudeness.”

”····”

As if shaking off something sticky from her thoughts, she dignifiedly raised her throat.

but.

”I’d be willing to give my body if the world needed me, but not for the world. This world is an inestimable treasure enough, but it can’t match the value of what I really want.”

”You don’t need it. Position, honor, and this world are all unnecessary things to me. but! I will keep it. I will buy it. Even if it means risking my life! We will make sure to bring peace to this world! therefore····. therefore····.”

”Can’t you give me a priest…?”

At least one word that felt like a faint uneasiness was blowing through her, she retained the image of a delicate girl.