58 – Hypocrisy

If only they hadn’t come into my sight, struggling with an inferiority complex.

If only I hadn’t carelessly reached out to them.

If only my holy power hadn’t been manifested.

At least, the moment I happened to be reunited with them, if their behavior had been less ugly than what I had witnessed.

Would the ending of the play be different?

I knew very well that there was no other act as futile and fleeting as adding the modifier ‘if’ to the past that had already passed.

Even so, I couldn’t stop drawing the blueprint on the drawing paper in the dark eyelids every time I closed my wet, tired eyes.

The future of the ship where I and they are not intertwined.

Peaceful days when you don’t have to shudder with guilt, and you don’t have to agonize over guilt.

Without even knowing about their existence, I couldn’t have dreamed of dreaming of a light life without anything weighing me down, where I could just enjoy the blessings scattered in my future.

but.

That frivolous escape from reality is shattered every time by another voice of myself nestled in my thoughts.

disgusting bastard

It was a reasonable and reasonable statement to the extent that I couldn’t even come up with a reasonable objection.

The reason I decided to help them was to satisfy my modest self-esteem.

I stopped doing it, just because of a whim.

The struggle to save them was also thanks to the coincidence that I had unintentionally encountered them in a village where I had been reluctantly led by others.

If the order of things had been slightly out of order, it was clear that I would have let them die without feeling any remorse.

No, it was doubtful whether he was even interested in their life and death.

When I was a child, I bought a number of little chicks in front of the school for interest.

Few people remember the names they gave them individually until they become adults.

It’s because of you.

The inner voice, which feels especially vivid today, urged me again.

Look carefully at the consequences of your hypocrisy.

That voice of rebuke reached the root of my grip, which I had placed over my eyelids to turn away from the past.

”nice to see you. A mid-level priest who doubles as an adventurer. It’s called Rage’s Rowville.”

”Nice to meet you! I am the lumber of the century who will become a great warrior in the distant future! My name is Triana Abigail!”

The gray past projected right in front of me was merging with the vision in my memory.

Looking at it now, I couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of lies going back and forth.

Why didn’t I notice at the time the unnatural atmosphere in which each knew the other’s identity but tolerated it?

”Your whole body is covered in blood… Sister Abigail…”

”Fine! It’s not my blood! that, yes My, my blood… it’s not my blood…”

”You’re trembling, but you’re making that kind of noise all the time… ha····. Come on. I’ll clean it…”

”ha ha ha! No face!”

What unfolded immediately after that was the memory of the time when the first adventure was over.

It was the vision of the moment when I was wiping away the monster’s blood and intestines that were smeared here and there on the warrior’s body.

”Did you realize this? The adventurer’s profession is a dangerous profession that entails such terrible humiliation. So, why don’t you reconsider the reckless talk of becoming an adventurer?”

At the time, I was obsessed with wiping the blood from her face with a handkerchief and highlighting the dangers of an adventurer’s career.

Her desperate expression, which I hadn’t noticed before, came into my field of vision belatedly.

trembling mouth. The bridge of the nose gradually turns red.

Why didn’t I feel anything at the time from her wet eyes, staring intently at the scars on the back of my hand that I could glimpse through the torn gloves?

”Nope! I want to be an adventurer! The lumber of the century to become a hero in the future! Nope! It’s a lumber that must be a hero!”

”Ah yes····.”

I shouldn’t have dismissed the feeble trembling contained in that bold aspiration as mere cowardice.

”Hut! Relax! It seems that the power in the feet is also released! if you do not mind! Would it be all right if I leaned over for a while!”

”Yes? No, why did you leave your reliable younger brother behind…”

”sorry! The Big Team is now! Due to the tension of finishing the first slaughter, unfortunately, it seems that you don’t have the energy left to give your body to me!”

”Yeah? No, you were standing there just a little while ago, right? If you look at it now… No, why are you lying on the floor all of a sudden? Brother Victim?”

”····”

”Then excuse me!”

”Oh, Sister Abigail?”

prison.

I shouldn’t have overlooked the fact that she carefully placed herself in my arms and tried to grab my collar with trembling gestures.

◈◈◈

”Hero Punch—!”

The gray vision that forced me to ignore the things I had neglected began to extend its demonic powers to my recent memories.

Another voice of mine blaming me also gradually became clearer, as if in harmony with such a transformation.

Did you break the dry statue with your own hands in your hometown to find you?

The voice that had only lingered in my thoughts was taunting me right in front of my ears, with a certain form and a firm presence.

His dark appearance made me think that if his shadow were to become something with a will, it would surely look like this.

Another me, who seems to have only slightly lowered the saturation of my appearance, is facing a nightmare that is personally poking at the most vulnerable part of my psyche.

I could feel that the sense of reality inside me was gradually wearing away, to the point where I doubted whether I was sane right now.

Did you just say you didn’t know me and throw away such a wonderful child? I really want to be born as a man, so I can’t do that! If you did something, shouldn’t you be held accountable?

It demands an answer from me, but does not forgive objections, heavily armed with irrational correctness, suddenly puts its arms around me and snaps its fingers.

By the way, this is the same day the statue was broken. It happened at night.

Right.

With green echoes bursting from my middle finger and thumb, the gray vision in front of me twisted my body once again.

Chijik. Jijik.

Right after that, the sight unfolding before my eyes struck me with a shock that I wondered if my heart had stopped momentarily.

”Huh, huh… Poetry, Father… Oh, oh, oh, oh man Whoops! Uh, where are you, ugh! Where are you…”

Anyway, I wonder who will listen. I’m afraid that my weakness will leak out.

The hero, who was trying his best to bury his tears in the neck of the pillow, was looking for me anxiously.

That figure, like a child who had a nightmare, was so full of sorrow that the reliable impression I had of her evaporated in an instant.

Why don’t you answer me? While she was desperately looking for you, you were having fun with another girl, and you didn’t even have time to contact her.

A sharp sarcasm. insidious ridicule.

It clearly had my face, but it made an expression that even I, the owner of the face, had never seen before.

I will take responsibility for this and pass it on to her. you can just go I also said thank you. Rather, it’s me who wants to say thank you.

it was a letter

A letter to say goodbye to Apis, written by forced hand movement at Apis’ request.

That child’s mental strength must have been so strong. I’ve been keeping an eye on you for a long time. No matter how many times I tried, it didn’t budge. So I was impatient. Because the means and number of times we can contact you are limited.

I tried to ask what he was talking about, but no sound came out.

It was right after that that I realized that my mouth, body, and mind were not moving according to my will.

But after thinking about it for so long, just in time, you created a huge gap in that child’s heart! Thanks to you, things went smoothly. thanks!

It was then.

Black tentacles crawled up like a headless snake from the dingy floor and slowly wrapped around my body.

Before long, they hardened like a stone and began to slowly pull my body, which was unable to resist like resistance, into the bottomless darkness of the abyss.

Doesn’t it matter? After all, you also wanted to be like this. With this, you won’t have to see that child face to face forever! Calm down! Because I’ll do it for you!

The words were alluring.

It was safe to say that it was my nature to run away first when faced with a problem.

If there was someone who would fill my role, I was the one who could happily throw away the responsibilities I had to shoulder and the responsibilities I ought to carry out with a smile on my face.

you can run away

These are the words I wanted to hear the most at this moment, and at the same time.

It was something I always wanted someone to say to me.

yes, it was

snap.

uh? why? Did you leave anything behind?

As is the case with people floundering in the water, the hand that reached out recklessly reached out and firmly grasped its arm.

In the midst of all that I felt through my body and mind, I couldn’t figure out why my hand that extended like an arrow was able to grab its arm.

”one thing····. Cool, cool! Gee, I have a question…”

It was as if someone had filled my lungs and throat with black ink.

Let alone words, even breathing in and out was too much for him, but he did his best to utter the words.

Because there was something I had to check.

huh? What?

”You are ku, ku-up… The hero’s no… Do you know when that child’s birthday is, uh,?”

birthday? ah! You mean the day that child was born?

An eerie silence lingered for a moment.

It wasn’t long before it said to me with a ridiculous smile.

Of course you know! That child’s birthday is January 1st! That child was born on the first day of the year—

Pooh-.

However, the words did not come to a conclusion.

My left hand holding its arm with a dragon.

It was because my right hand, which was charged with a force comparable to that of that side, was slammed right into its face.

”Wrong.”

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Kwajangchang!

Right after that, the feel of my fist and the harsh ringing in my ears were completely different from those of hitting the creature.

It was closest to that feeling of relief when he hit the thin ice with his fist and shattered it.

”You dare to treat mere creatures…!”

Where did the transcendent atmosphere from before go?

It looked just like me, clutching its shattered face as if in pain, and suddenly chomping down on irritation in a voice full of contempt.

Before long, a shower of fragments of my face fell from its face.

The darkness that filled the front and sides of me began to crack little by little, like an egg peeling.

The figure of someone who had been hidden in the twilight curtain was soon revealed.

”Father····?”