Episode 78. cake (7)

Right in the center of the spacious chapel, right under the ceiling where the moon and stars flow.

On the red carpet, which was not a pulpit for bishops or seats for believers, the girl knelt down and prayed silently.

As if the glow that had been emitted in response to the goddess’ response was not mine in the first place.

Relying on the humble flame of kerosene and the distant Milky Way in the night sky. The girl was sitting alone in a cathedral filled with silence and pitch darkness.

Does mournful prayer burn the soul?

Like candle wax, tears slid down Karin’s cheeks.

The white stationery scattered around was like wax that had melted from the heat of the candlelight.

Because I came as a believer, not as a saint representing the church.

To her, sitting in the lowest seat in the chapel, praying silently and fervently like a candle… . Again, Elma did not give an answer.

‘why… .’

Sepia stared at it in awe, then met Karin’s eyes as she turned around after praying.

To Sepia, who was momentarily taken aback and gasped, Karin smiled and gestured.

Sepia checked who was around, then bowed her head and stepped into the chapel.

“Excuse me.”

Most wizard students don’t even know what the inside of Kiruna’s chapel looks like.

The same goes for Sepia. She looked up for the first time at the unfathomable ceiling and statue of the Goddess, and withered slightly.

‘It’s very wide. Were there that many seminarians at this school?’

Through the heavy darkness, Sepia cautiously approached Karin.

When Karin put her hand close to the lamp next to her, the light that had barely been visible before her eyes turned white, revealing the entire chapel.

In the chapel where I shyly revealed myself, the stained glass depicting the goddess embracing the world was tinged with bluish gray because it did not receive sunlight.

Around the candlestick placed in the middle of the pulpit, there was a place for believers to kneel.

‘What is that?’

When Sepia stopped her gaze at the silver pipes that filled the wide wall across the pulpit, Karin grinned and showed them something written on a piece of paper.

‘It’s an instrument called organ.’

“Are those all instruments? Isn’t that the decoration on the wall?”

‘Is it too big? The sound is so loud, you can’t play at night. Come visit us during the day and we’ll play for you.’

Sepia imagined the sound of that gigantic wind instrument, and helped Karin pick up the letters around her.

Karin brushed off the dirt from her lap with her bare hands and sat down with Sepia in the pew next to her.

Sepia asked while handing over the letters she had picked up to Karin.

“… Did the people of Saint Stica send it?”

She smiled and nodded. Sepia could tell that they were confessional letters without even asking.

He must have sincerely read the letters of the believers’ anguish and sorrow, and sincerely prayed to the Goddess to alleviate their suffering here.

It seems that that pure heart did not reach Elma, though.

‘I don’t like the goddess as well as the followers. At least during the semester, I’ll let them enjoy their school life a little.’

Even just reading that many letters and writing replies would not be the only stress.

After making good friends, the young saintess seemed to be enjoying a free school life away from the stuffy cathedral… .

still here. She was not a student, but a saint who hoped that many believers would lean on her heart.

‘It’s not like I became a saint because I wanted to.’

After finding out Karin’s identity, Sepia felt tight every time she ran into her.

What is the reason she is so sincere about her unwanted destiny and her responsibilities as a saint?

In order to understand her, I tried to study theology, which I wasn’t normally interested in, but the more I did, the more Sepia’s doubts only grew.

‘If the goddess chooses to suddenly be trapped in the white world for the rest of her life. Shouldn’t the faith I had be gone?’

Didn’t he receive elaborate hints from the priests from a young age? I can’t help but think so.

“… .”

Perhaps noticing Sepia’s dark expression, Karin carefully held her hand.

Sepia shook her head in bewilderment at the thoughtful look in her eyes, as if asking her to reveal anything.

“No, I didn’t come here to do this.”

“… .”

“I’m really fine… .”

The lantern, which had been shining like the moon, returned to a warm color and illuminated the two of them.

I can’t even hear the sound of the clock, the chapel where only the ceiling with flowing stars moves.

Unable to overcome the long silence and gaze, Sepia finally told Karin of her distrust.

“Lady. Doesn’t the saintess resent the goddess?”

* * *

“It is. One day, it is unfair that he was suddenly chosen by the goddess and brought to the cathedral. Are you imprisoned in it and want to listen to the confessions of believers you have never seen before? If you were like me, you would have made a fuss to send me home right away.”

“… .”

“Even if I say that because I am selfish, at least the goddess. Shouldn’t the goddess who turned the life of an ordinary girl upside down have to take responsibility? Even if it’s prayer, even if there are too many believers, so you can’t communicate often. If it is the prayer of a believer who really wants it… . Shouldn’t you listen to what the believers say at least once?”

‘Goddess is your life… .’

Even though the revelation that she had to live as a saint made her devote her life to faith from a young age.

Far from hanging around her, the goddess confined herself to the cathedral and left her to tremble every night.

Not just Karin. When saints suffering from depression were finally abandoned by humans, the goddess had never held their hands… .

Wouldn’t he have no choice but to resent the goddess who turned away from himself?

“It’s absurd to ask for faith. Even though you know what is happening on the ground right now, you are only sucking your finger without helping… .”

Every time I was grabbed by the hair by the leading members, I earnestly asked for help from Elma, who was watching all of this.

For Sepia, who knows the feelings of the followers abandoned by the goddess… . Even so, he couldn’t understand Karin’s love for Elma and the cathedral.

“That’s why, honestly, it’s a bit frustrating to see the saintess who keeps on being rejected by the goddess but doesn’t lose her faith. Except for the saintess, just all theological students… .”

“… .”

“… sorry.”

Sepia sighed and blamed herself.

It was a rude and narrow-minded question, and one that should not be brought up in front of the person concerned.

He unleashed his ill feelings toward the goddess and some Paideia theologians, who pretended not to see her, toward the innocent saint.

like that… . Thinking that she had hurt innocent Karin, Sepia was closing her eyes tightly… .

“I, that… . saintess… ?”

Even more because she knew her mistake, Sepia froze in bewilderment at the sudden heat digging into her arms.

Karin, who was clinging tightly to her, thought it was unfamiliar, so even if she tried to take it off, it wouldn’t come off.

After some time passed, and only after Sepia’s body relaxed, Karin let her go and took the notebook out of her pocket.

‘You’ve been bullied by several people before. I’m sorry I didn’t notice. I just thought he was a very strong person.’

“… No, that’s why it’s the saintess’s fault.”

‘Are you in a lot of pain? You must have suffered alone… . Is it still like that?’

“No, thanks to Ina… .”

Thanks to Ina sticking by her side and protecting her, her heart that was hurt by the student council was quickly healed.

Sepia realized through Karin that wrinkles remained where the pain had passed.

It was because the hatred toward the goddess who stood by her side was a problem that Ina could not solve.

‘I can fully understand the disappointment you felt towards Elma and the followers.’

Karin was saddened by the fact that there were some theological students who were afraid of Auril even though they knew the situation Sepia was facing.

‘The reason why the goddess lends light to our seminarians is because she wants us to remove the darkness that has been cast all over the world with our will.’

She did not deny that the majority of theological students who had to risk their lives to show people that absolute goodness and purity were still alive were steeped in inertia.

‘It was a problem that the theologians of Paideia should have gathered together and resolved before Sepia prayed to the goddess. I apologize on behalf of all of them.’

“no. Come to think of it, it wasn’t just the theology students who were like that, even the professors took care of their own lives… .”

‘All theological students are agents of the Goddess. If you forget your mission and show ugliness that is broken by authority or fear, you will leave seeds of distrust and cynicism in the hearts of others.’

* * *

After Sepia accepted her apology, Karin smiled and continued her answer.

‘You asked if I didn’t hate Elma for not answering my prayers. Actually, there are many times I want to ask why the Goddess is extremely reluctant to directly intervene in earthly events.’

Karin is too small and weak to guess the intentions of an immortal being, but if you dare to guess the meaning… .

Like parents who want their babies to walk on their own, might the goddess not want the world to move just as she leads her?

‘If everything goes according to the Goddess’ will, all our actions and decisions will have no meaning.’

However, as Sepia said, when Karin first opened her eyes in the white tower, she also resented her cruel fate.

The fact that the goddess suddenly took away her voice, and the fact that she closed her eyes to the sorrow of the believers who visit the church every day, was rude.

‘Thinking about it now, my humble sincerity was able to reach the followers because the goddess did not help me. In the end, they couldn’t relieve any pain through me, but they grew and changed to be able to endure it.’

Stica Knight Commander Pierre’s dark past could not be erased from his mind, nor could he erase the sleepless memories from his head.

However, after Karin courageously embraced her. Blood said he had found a new meaning in life and took up his sword.

The other believers were also moved by Karin’s pure heart and offered their hearts to her, not the halo of a goddess carried on her back as a saint.

‘I only realized that the day Sepia came to the cathedral.’

In the past, when I was trapped in a small world, there was nothing I could do except shed tears at the confessions of my followers.

Karin came to realize that it was something that touched the hearts of the followers more than a miracle from a goddess, as she heard and learned a lot at school.

‘Maybe all this is the will of the goddess. Couldn’t he have thought that what believers really needed was my little hands, not his answers?’

The reason why Elma, who always had no response at the cathedral, answered Karin’s prayer for the first time here in Kiruna.

Could it be that at that moment, blind followers really needed the brilliance of the goddess?

No one but the goddess could know its authenticity, but Karin believed it.

‘I no longer pray for the Goddess to solve the followers’ problems.’

Instead of hoping for a miracle, she confides in Elma the troubles of her followers and tries her best to figure out how to respond to them.

Karin no longer thirsted for the goddess’ response.

She decided to think of Elma as a supporter who always listened silently to her prayers.

I really believe that at that moment when she can’t do anything, she will answer me again… .

“Well, even when you just prayed… .”

Karin’s tears that flowed during prayer were not a rescue signal for Elma.

She was weeping along with the pain and wandering of the believers written in the letter.

Karin held the hand of Sepia, who was speechless.

‘What I’ve learned from listening to the worries and concerns of many believers for a long time is that people are stronger than you think. Sometimes I get hurt by absurd ordeals, but I have the power to live brightly like a pretty flower even with a dark past.’

Thanks to Karin who prayed for her to shake off the hatred remaining in her heart and move forward more vigorously than now, Sepia was able to remove the darkness that had been directed towards the goddess and the theologian who served her.

Sepia could not forget the day when the world around me became a little brighter.