16. Forbidden and articles (2)

Tadak.

The bonfire burned with sparks. Maxim was fixed in his seat as if nailed by Theodora’s gaze. On a night when neither insects nor birds could be heard, the silence that oppressed the wilderness was too loud.

Maxim stood up from his seat. There was nothing to take over from the replacement. He’s a sentinel in a wilderness where no living thing lives in the first place, so he has something to report. Maxim passed Theodora and tried to return to his tent.

“…Wait a minute.”

That is, until Theodora grabbed his feet like that. Maxim could not disobey Theodora’s words. blazing fire. Reddish waves rippled through Theodora’s platinum hair. Maxim took a step back. I turned around and walked back to the fire.

“Let’s talk.”

Theodora was sitting in the little old wooden chair that Maxim had been sitting on. A uniform worn strictly according to the rules. Maxim wanted to ask if he was uncomfortable.

Maxim sat down on a small rock next to Theodora’s chair. It felt hard and cold. A fire flared up. Theodora was looking at the burning fire. Maxim did not know what she was stopping him for or what she wanted to say.

Theodora lifted the pot over the fire and poured tea into her own cup. It was prepared to chase away sleepiness. Smoke rose from Theodora’s cup.

“I…”

“Don’t say you have nothing to talk about. I didn’t hold you to hear your story.”

Theodora. What was left of that voice now? His voice, which even contained some kind of anger, scared Maxim. Maxim was so pitiful that he did not even have the courage to be hated by Theodora. As he had hoped, Theodora began to hate Maxim, but Maxim did not feel comfortable listening to the declaration.

Maxim hid his trembling hands behind his back. Emile Bordain, what that bastard said mockingly, came to mind.

‘Now, before the boundary becomes ambiguous, before it turns into a skein, we need to… tell Lady Theodora which side to choose.’

That’s great, Emile Bordain. It’s what you and the Count want. Look, you punks. Theodora really hates me.

Maxim turned his head to Theodora. Theodora did not avert her eyes. I didn’t even treat him awkwardly. Those eyes that showed no war or murder intent reflected anger, hatred, and a faint feeling of disappointment.

“I won’t ask anything about me. Just answer this.”

Tadak.

Sparks flew again.

“Really… chivalry, kendo. have you forgotten everything? Does it really matter what happens to all of that now?”

Could know. Theodora would be looking into Maxim right now. With those gray whirlpooled eyes, they would try to find out Maxim’s true intentions. That’s why Maxim decided not to meet Theodora’s eyes.

“You mean you don’t even want to answer?”

“I forgot.”

Maxim’s voice did not tremble as much as then.

“Look me in the eyes and say it, Maxime Appard.”

Theodora.

Maxim knew he shouldn’t turn his head, but he couldn’t stop turning his head at those words. The rainwater from the screening test came to mind. It reminded me of Theodora, who asked if I should pull out the blade for an aura. It reminded me of myself who had no choice but to refuse a conversation with a sword.

“You, as a knight, really don’t have the knight Maxime Appart I used to know.”

Those words were sharper than any knife in the world. Maxim hesitated to say a word. that it is gone Now it’s enough to say that the boy you knew who dreamed of becoming a knight is dead. But Maxim couldn’t bear to say that right away. The moment he uttered those words, Maxim hesitated without answering right away, not knowing how Theodora’s eyes would change.

“…Hurry up and answer me.”

why am i so weak

Maxim looked at Theodora’s face. The corners of the mouth were kept straight, but it was precarious. The snow was unusually clear. His eyebrows furrowed in anger. When she wanted to cry, she often made that face.

“doesn’t exist.”

Maxim finally spoke. Have you got the courage to be hated? No, Maxim just didn’t want to see Theodora’s expression like that. That’s why Maxim said. To make her feel more at ease, I calmly lie to her.

“Theodora, there is no Maxim Appart you knew.”

“Money, power. Is that all you wanted?”

Is that why you met yourself? Is that why you left so easily after the engagement proposal? Theodora was asking in silence.

I’m sure she’d hate me if I answered that the question was right. Maybe you really hate it.

Maxim hadn’t made up his mind yet. However, Maxim also knew very well that the world does not go back only with determination.

“yes.”

I thought I would get hit with a slap. But Maxim’s cheeks were intact. Could it be that you are crying Maxim carefully observed Theodora’s face, but there was no sign of tears. Rather, it was the opposite. Now she has a cold expression, like a person who has dried up her tear glands.

“Okay.”

Those words drove a nail into Maxim’s chest for the last time. Maxim knew. This will surely make Theodora hate herself. No, you will hate it.

After Theodora’s answer, silence returned to the camp. Theodora held the steaming cup with both hands.

“Good work. Go inside.”

Maxim stood up from his seat. It hurt a lot more than I thought. Grabbing his throbbing head with one hand, Maxim stepped forward.

—

A conversation was needed.

Theodora had thought so ever since she met Émile Bordain at the palace. His engagement, which he had only heard about from Maxim all along, and that it was an engagement to a collateral branch of the Benning family, came to be seen and heard as a reality.

Maxim, Maxim Apart.

Theodora repeated the name endlessly as she walked through the garden. Maxim raised himself from the bottom and at the same time threw himself to the other bottom.

I had to face him somehow. I needed to force myself out of this emotional vortex. In order to do that, I had to face it one more time.

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No, it was just an excuse.

Theodora was already full of reasons to dislike Maxim. It was just that her heart was reluctant to harbor one-sided hatred towards Maxim. Theodora, who had never resented someone since she was born, nor had she truly hated anyone, was unfamiliar with that hatred. Even though I wanted to hate it, I had the confidence that I didn’t want it to happen. That’s why Theodora had to hate Maxim firmly before she fell into the swamp.

I have to force this feeling out.

On the day they left for the no-man’s-land, Theodora made this promise to herself. One conversation was enough. I had to convince myself that the feeling I get when I see Maxim is hatred.

Theodora deliberately planned to alternate the watch shift with Maxim. I didn’t want to talk in front of others. What if you don’t want to talk? What if you avoid conversation and don’t listen to yourself? If that was the case, all you had to do was really hate it. Theodora thought so and went to sleep.

Of course, I couldn’t even sleep properly.

Theodora woke up in the barracks rubbing her tired eyes. The wilderness, where only the sound of the wind could be heard, was not a good environment for sleeping. The time for the shift was getting closer. Theodora opened the entrance to the barracks to go out and change before Maxim came to wake her up.

Maxim was straightening the firewood, chopping it with a stick. She was sitting in a chair with her light brown hair brushed back and a calm expression on her face. The appearance that Theodora approached and saw at first glance reminded me of Maxim of old.

When Maxim showed what he wanted to be, Theodora denied himself. It’s just an illusion, and what you need to do is make sure you have feelings for this man.

Then, Maxim raised his head.

In an unexpected moment, the eyes of the two met.

“…”

“…”

Silence passed. No one spoke first. Maxim looked at Theodora for a moment, then got up and headed for the barracks. At that moment, Theodora had to suppress the urge to hit Maxim.

“…Wait a minute.”

Theodora stopped Maxim in his steps.

“Let’s talk.”

Maxim returned to his seat. He slumped and sat on the rock next to the chair. Theodora poured tea to clear her mind. It must have contained a few tea leaves, so it was more like boiled water rather than tea.

He could feel Maxim glancing at him. Theodora took a sip of tea. Now it was time to deal with him with negative feelings.

“I…”

“Don’t say you have nothing to talk about. I didn’t hold you to hear your story.”

Theodora forced Maxim to shut his mouth. Once he said it, it was easy to say the next one.

“I won’t ask anything about me. Just answer this.”

Tadak.

Sparks flew again. Theodora was beginning to dislike the sound that Maxim liked.

“Really… chivalry, kendo. have you forgotten everything? Does it really matter what happens to all of that now?”

Theodora said, hoping that Maxim would give him the answer he wanted. I hope you will affirm. I wish I could make you feel free to hate him. For a long time there was no answer. He was looking at Maxim, but Maxim was not looking at him. Theodora stopped asking first.

“You mean you don’t even want to answer?”

“I forgot.”

Also, Maxim did not look Theodora in the eye. Theodora was upset because it seemed like she didn’t want to give an honest answer, or that it didn’t even deserve an answer.

“Look me in the eyes and say it, Maxime Appard.”

I didn’t want to think of it, but the scenery of that day came to mind. Training ground in the rain, Theodora expelled an aura from her sword and pushed Maxim away, and Maxim refused to reply with the same sword. At that time, I should have abandoned everything and hated you.

“You, as a knight, really don’t have the knight Maxime Appart I used to know.”

Maxim was hesitant. Theodora just looked at him. He desperately hoped that the one word that came out of there would be positive, that he could get out of the bondage of emotions and forget about hating Maxim. But, but.

Theodora did not know why she still wanted him to deny her words.

“…Hurry up and answer me.”

A weaker sound escaped from Theodora’s mouth than she thought. Maxim heard that and turned his head to her.

Everything about this person, I now deny and hate.

Theodora waited for Maxim’s answer.

“doesn’t exist.”

The most dry words came out of Maxim’s mouth.

“Theodora, there is no Maxim Appart you knew.”

“Money, power. Is that all you wanted?”

To Theodora’s reconfirmed words, Maxim answered with a more dry voice.

“yes.”

A flame made of frost bloomed in Theodora’s cold heart. Maxim seemed to be able to handle his own hatred. Or don’t care at all. The frost flame that burns the heart is both cold and hot. Now it was necessary to add firewood so that this flame could completely consume the remnants of Maxim in his heart.

“Okay.”

At his own words that he had worked hard, Maxim got up and went back to the barracks.

Do you know, Maxim, how much you have lost, how ugly it is to remain in the Order as a desire rather than an aspiration?

Taking it easy, Theodora vows not to let Maxim live the life of a knight the way he wants.

Theodora’s eyes turned to the barracks where Maxim was lying. The bonfire crackled and burned.

—

The Jackdaw Knights were able to reach the border garrison, that is, the margrave’s estate, at the scheduled time. And at the appearance of the garrison, which was much wider and livelier than expected, all members except Paola were dumbfounded. Roberto was exclaiming an exclamation, not admiration, as he looked around the extension.

“No, uncle. I never thought it would be such a lively place.”

“It’s because the support policy was working well.”

“It was a wasteland where there was nothing even if we rode a short horse from here.”

The garrison was in the form of a large village. Behind the tall walls that protected them from monsters, people walked the streets with their own expressions. As they entered the garrison, a soldier attached and began guiding them.

“We need a lot of soldiers, and the royal family doesn’t want to rot this wide plain, so we’re developing it gradually. Even when I came here to apply, it hadn’t flourished this far.”

Saying that, Paola glanced at the wall.

“But beyond that… this lively atmosphere is unbelievably bloody and there are monsters and environments.”

“How long are you going to keep talking about the decapitated Mantis?”

“You haven’t seen that scene, so you can talk about that.”

As Roberto bets on the porridge, Paola shook her head in response. While they were having such a silly conversation, a soldier serving as a guide stopped in front of a two-story building.

“This is the residence of the Marquis.”

While saying that, the soldier tried to knock on the door, but the door burst open first. The door opened and a tall female knight with flowing white hair appeared.

“What, have you already arrived?”

The Marquis, Countess Camilla Fey, said in a flat voice as she looked at the Knights of the Ravens.