Chapter 163 – Reason

If the lips overlapped, the next process was obvious. Tongues intertwined… Fuck him, why are you so good at kissing? It felt like my tongue was being raped by tentacles. The string of saliva was stickier and viscous than usual. It was so viscous that I wondered if it had been dissolved in some kind of starch, and it was so sweet that I wondered if it had been dissolved in some kind of sugar.

Besides, it was long, so I was choking as if I had to hold my breath for a long time in some kind of bread water.

“Haa… haa… You’re not the first, right? But I’m the first.”

“No, Airi, wait…”

I saw the sight of a shining holy sword piercing my stomach. If I crossed the line more than this, I saw an angle that would really be fucked. In other words, I saw the possibility of leading to the only future in which I would die from being stabbed by a holy sword among 140 million futures.

“If you can’t be the first, you have to aim for the best. That’s the attitude of a wizard.”

I don’t know who established such beliefs, but if you meet, you will pull out your teeth with bamboo bread. I wanted to sleep comfortably on the hospital bed, but I didn’t want to face the end like the demon king who was stabbed by the holy sword and changed his life.

“Ah, I urgently have a letter to send to His Highness the Crown Prince…”

“Don’t lie, Master. There was an article in the newspaper today saying that the crown prince went to the villa to give birth, and Her Highness the crown prince also went in.”

You fuckin’ bastards… Why do you write articles about things like that, whether or not an individual gave birth… You bastards who don’t have the reporting ethic to turn off the circuit breaker in the pc room at this news desk… Just turn off the circuit breaker in your life. have to come down

“No, not because I have to send a letter.”

“It’s okay for the letter to go, but Master can’t.”

What the fuck are you, Charlie Adam? Is he the one who says the ball can pass but the player can’t?

“Master, are you kidding me?”

“No, that’s…”

“Master, you probably don’t know what I want to do, right?”

Airi came closer and closer to me. The way out of the sickbed was thus sealed.

“If you don’t like me, you don’t have to try.”

“It’s not that I hate you, Airi. It’s just that I’m your teacher and you’re my disciple, so this kind of relationship is kind of like that.”

“Is there a law in the world that a disciple and a teacher must not have sexual intercourse? Who made that law? Yes?”

“No, that’s not it, I’ve seen you since you were a baby… I’ve taken care of you since you were 5 years old…”

“I’m no longer a child. My body, mind, and age are now complete adults.”

Airi was definitely an adult. As far as her mind… I don’t know, but her body itself was that of a healthy adult. She was no longer a lost little girl crying and looking for Master.

“Neither my father nor my mother have anything to do with it. I’m saying that I want to sleep with Master with my own will. Then what’s important is the will of the person involved, Master. My parents… Glaceon, what other people think? It doesn’t matter.”

There were no words to refute. Maybe he subconsciously rejected her because they were so close. Yes, I had been keeping an eye on it for a while. I’m not a eunuch, and how can I not know that Airi likes me? There’s no way you’d be so sad over the death of someone you didn’t even love in the first place.

“Master… do you really hate me? To the point where you don’t even want to mix with me?”

It wasn’t something I hated. It’s just that I wasn’t someone who simply lost in lust and wanted to get drunk.

Werner enjoyed being with Airi.

Even though the scent of Saint Mediah, whom Werner cherished, and the voice of his failed first love flickered.

Werner even gave his life for Airi. But it wasn’t because she looked like Mediah, or because she was her daughter, it wasn’t from the same childish reasons. It was only because he was his disciple. Werner was such a guy. An idiot who puts his life last on his priority list.

That was the only difference between me and Werner.

The face of the two hundred children in my memory continues to flicker. Even though the color of the eyes and the color of the hair are different from that child, why are they so similar? It reminds me of the only shining days in my fucking, stupid, and dark life. I saw the only child I couldn’t smile. Every time I see the only regret left in my life… how painful it was.

That’s why I stayed away from Airi as much as possible. I still couldn’t push it away. Because I resemble that child. I wanted to be far away, but I wanted to be close. It sounds like bullshit, but that was my feeling. It doesn’t matter if this is a game or reality. It was painful, I didn’t want to see it, I was happy, and I missed it. So I deliberately kept a vague distance.

can’t push someone That was what Werner and I had in common.

“Iri.”

If you can’t push it away, let’s be honest about it. If I can’t push, let’s hope others fall. Because I’m a guy who depends on others from the beginning. Because that’s a common weakness between Werner and Li Baeksa.

“I am trash.”

Even if you kill someone, you don’t even feel guilty. The fact that I should feel guilty just lingers in my head. There is no inspiration in the life I killed. I’m the only one who feels guilty… Yes, the moment I feel uncomfortable is only for a moment.

“Even when Earl Holstead died, when someone I thought I could be friends with died, when the old Heavenly Demon died, even when Tristan died… I didn’t feel any sadness.”

It’s only when someone dies because I haven’t done a little bit better. No, even he just hated it because his perfection was flawed rather than the fact that he died. In terms of games… yes, it was not much different from being angry about not being able to clear 100% perfectly. Or should I say that I don’t even know the emotion of anger?

I only know the principles of emotions. So, something boiling inside, a sword that cannot be called emotion, is just moving according to that principle.

“I had never valued someone until now. No, I did something similar, but it was something that was far from the essence of the feeling of cherishing.”

I only measured the value of the people around me, precisely the people I perceived. I just set my measured value to zero. The metrics were also arbitrary. It was measured by trivial values, such as how nice they were to me, how beautiful they were, how strong they were, and how bad they smelled.

“There are, however, reasons why I can’t say I’m completely emotionless.”

I don’t remember the first reason. No, I’m not sure if that’s the first one, or if the second and third ones are accompanying it. However, it was clear that the reason I perceived as ‘second’ was not the ‘first’ reason.

The second reason was you, Airi. A precious disciple whom Werner raised, ate and slept with, and felt his heart agitated for the first time.

The third reason was the child of two hundred. A child who showed me that light does not lose its brilliance even in the gutter. A child who taught me that killing people is painful. A child who taught me the principles of countless emotions. and my first love.

The fourth reason was Airi and you again. It was the second reason and the fourth reason. It was a character I fell in love with because I resembled Lee Baek. Maybe I came here because I started playing the game after seeing your picture. But I am here because of that strange ‘attraction’ you created.

“But even so, I do not know the principle of dispassionate affection, nor the language, nor the manner in which it is expressed.”

Someone like me would definitely be the worst father ever. I wouldn’t beat my own child, but he was a kid who would be the worst father who was indifferent and didn’t give love.

“If you want to sleep with me simply out of lust, do as you please. But if it’s a temptation that comes from wanting to get married and have a happy family after sleeping with me… let’s do it.”

It was for a similar reason that Werner ran away from the engagement. I learned how to show affection to my colleagues and how to show affection to my friends. But I never learned how to show affection to my family.

“Now Airi, what do you want to do?”

“You ate it wrong.”

“Yeah… good idea…”

“No, Master’s expression of Master himself was wrong.”

Airi hugged me tightly. It was a hug that came from something pure that only looked at me, not lust.

I knew this hug. It was the hug given by the child, Li Baek, and the person who was the first reason for it.

“The Master I love is a messed up life force, full of annoyance, and unexpectedly weak… The Master right in front of me right now is not the person Master said.”