Chapter 96 – I Dedicate Everything to You, My Everything

 

I stared at her and she stared back.

 

Our eyes met only for a few seconds until I turned mine away. That moment, we acknowledged each other’s existences, as if the time we spent ignoring each other was a lie.

 

Staring at her mysterious, bright amber eyes drove me crazy, that was why I broke off the eye contact. At that moment, the other girl inside the room called out to her.

 

“Arina? What are you doing here?”

 

Tsuru stood up and approached her.

 

“There’s something I want to find out… This place gives me a strange feeling…”

“A strange feeling?”

“It’s like a deja vu… Tsuru, we’ve been here before, haven’t we?”

“Yes. Sui brought us here.”

 

It was when Tsuru planned to kidnap Arina to thank her.

 

Back when the former was a freshman, during the winter season, she fell down on an icy road and got injured. Arina saved her and gave her a piggyback ride all the way to school. She had been trying to thank her, so I set up a place for her to do so, which was here.

 

“I knew it. Everything was real…”

“Of course it was real! I gave you my thanks here!”

“Yeah. I was the one who gave you a piggyback ride.”

“Mhm. You remember the story too right, Sui?”

 

She naturally dragged me into the conversation. The moment Arina came in, I had been looking for an escape route. I already grabbed my bag and was ready to go.

 

After a short pause, I just gave a curt and short confirmation before standing up. I knew I was acting like an a*shole, believe me, I wanted to punch myself too. But seeing Arina’s confused expression at my reply made my heart ache.

 

I passed by them and was about to reach out for the door before someone grabbed my sleeve.

 

“Wait.”

 

Arina stopped me. If it was any other person, I would have shaken her off already, but she was Arina, I couldn’t bring myself to do that. She scanned through my figure with her eyes. Her gesture made me feel embarrassed, so I turned my gaze away.

 

She took a step closer to me. Our distance was so close to the point that our bodies almost touched. I stepped back in reflex, but the door was behind me, so my attempt was futile.

 

I turned my gaze to Tsuru to plead for her help but she only gave me a provocative smile and didn’t do anything else.

 

“Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t lie.”

“What are you talking to Tsuru about? Is it about me? Tsuru, answer me.”

 

Tsuru just nodded and continued to watch from the sidelines.

 

“I never hated you or anything. Why did you lie to me?”

“It was the truth, you hated me.”

“Say that again. This time, look me in the eye!”

 

She grabbed me by the chin and forced me to make eye contact with her. Ah, I missed this part of her.

 

As expected, this was the Venomous Arina that I knew. Not the Angelic Arina nor a new personality. The embodiment of freedom, the noble rose that was bound to no one.

 

“…I don’t know.”

“Yes?”

“I don’t know what you think about me. Whether back when you still had your memories or now… I don’t know…”

“Then, why did you say that I hated you back then?”

 

It was for you. For your future…

 

“You think I would hang out with someone after school if I hate him?”

 

That was only back when the Rose Garden still existed.

 

“You think I would walk shoulder to shoulder with someone I hate at the school festival?”

 

We did that because we were a temporary member of the morals committee.

 

“You think I would go to an aquarium with someone that I hate?”

 

We followed Makoto and Ruka back then.

 

“You think I would go to the house of someone I hate?”

 

You were just stopping by back then.

 

“You think I would give someone I hate handmade chocolates?”

 

The Valentine’s Day… The day that I lost you…

 

“You think I—”
“Stop it.”

 

I couldn’t take it anymore.

 

Trying to remember everything as painful. To her, everything she said were merely sentences she pulled out of her notes. It was like a novel, a mere fiction.

 

Those were the memories we created together, yet, I was the only one who remembered everything, the only one who could drown myself in those memories. Did she not understand? Trying to tell me that would only strengthen the existence of the void in my heart. 

 

“For me… You told yourself that everything was for me, right? Just like what you’ve been doing so far, you’ve been enduring everything for me, right?”

 

I stopped breathing.

 

She saw through everything. My sense of shame and amazement shut my mouth in silence.

 

“I’m not stupid. I have amnesia, a dual personality disorder and I went through parental abuse when I was a kid. Treating me recklessly would be dangerous for me and you know me well enough to know that. In the midst of all this, on the day of my father’s death, I regained everything… But I lost you… Sakaki Sui… Someone who was dear to me…”

 

Tsuru broke when she heard that. She could only mutter some incorrigible words after hearing Arina say everything nonchalantly like that.

 

Arina must have decided that she could reveal everything to her. Since she went that far, I had to listen to her properly this time. Running away was no longer an option.

 

“Right now, I’m the closest personality to the one that you know, so you probably thought that you have to tread carefully around me and if you try to make me remember you, something bad might happen to me. Being the sweet child that you are, you probably think that the way to do it is to lie to me and disappear from my life.”

 

She then grabbed Tsuru and my sleeves before pulling us to sit on the chairs.

 

Tsuru was still muttering some random garbage that was barely even Japanese and I was tempted to shut her up but, if I were in her position, I would do worse than her and so I didn’t do it.

 

Arina was the one left standing and she opened her mouth again.

 

“So, your discussion, what was it about, Tsuru?’
“Um… That… You seem to have forgotten about Sui, so I tried to ask him about it. When I did, I got angry because he kept lying to me, so I egged him on, then he yelled at me suddenly, then I got angry at him back… That’s it… I think?”

“I see.”
“But, but, what you said just now–”

“Everything was true. I had no memories of everything before the third grade of my middle school. I had a dual personality disorder. Everything was caused by my late father, who abused me throughout my childhood.”

“Eh–”

 

Tsuru looked at me in surprise. I felt sorry for her so I gave her a peace sign, which she slapped away immediately.

 

“You mean, you lied to me so I wouldn’t know about it?”

“Yes.”

“You mean, you did all this to protect Arina’s mind?”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant by doing everything for her sake. It would burden her mentally if I were to try to make her remember me, I don’t want anything bad to happen to her, that’s why I did it. Sorry I couldn’t tell you what happened, Tsuru.”

“That’s… That’s… Sniff…”

 

Seeing her about to start crying again, I tried my best to pacify her.

 

“Don’t cry! Your tears will dry up if you break down again!”

“B-But! Such a bittersweet– I’m sowwy, Zui… A-Arina… Zui… D-Don’t let him go…” 

“Don’t cry! You’re spilling your precious Calpis!”

“I-Iz not Calpiz!” 

“But you said it was Calpis! Fine, if you want to cry for the rest of your life, go ahead. But, do it in the desert for the sake of nature at least.”

“Nature, I-I’m sowwy!” 

 

I glanced at Arina and told her to wait until this girl calmed down. She just gave me a troubled smile and nodded.

 

*   *   *

 

“So now, what are we going to do?”

 

In the end, Tsuru didn’t stop and we decided to leave her alone.

 

My plan to stay away from her had failed already. Whether this was a good thing or not, we would find out about it in the future but, for the time being, my role was over. Her rehabilitation project was pretty much over and the fact that she forgot about me meant that I had nothing to do with her anymore.

 

‘What are we going to do?’ was honestly a selfish sounding question for me. I mean, we had nothing to do with each other anymore, why was I clinging to that hope that we could still be together ?

 

“The proud member of the going-home club.”

 

She said with a proud smile while holding up her index finger.

 

“You called yourself that.”

“I stated the truth.”

“The note said rude things about you, but it seems like everything is true. Especially the part that said that you’re a weirdo.”

“You are too.”

“Yeah, I’m the same as you.”

 

She smiled, probably proud of the weirdo label she just gave herself and patted the desk. I followed the trace of her white fingers with my eyes. From the desk to the time when she suddenly pointed at me. I looked up to her face and saw her smiling.

 

It was the most beautiful and perfect smile I had ever seen on her face. No other woman’s smile could come close to it.

 

That time I realized that she was the one for me. I would never forget her until the day I die. When that time came, I knew for sure that she would stay inside my mind. The aged me would fondly remember that even though he had been living as a single man for the rest of his life, there was a time like this when he finally found that special someone in his life.

 

My only hope was that she would be by my side when my death came.

 

“Quit the going-home club for me.”

 

She casually said that declaration of war for the members of the going-home club.

 

“I’ll spend after school with you to remember everything about you. That’s the last thing I want you to do for me. Can you help me again?”

 

I laughed. Quit? I never entered the club in the first place. Hell, I’ve never even seen the form to enter the club. The club was merely a result of a bunch of people self-proclaiming themselves to be its member.

 

The only thing I needed to do was to stop calling myself that. As a proud member of the going-home club, it pained me to leave the embrace of my comrades, but if it was for this girl… I could betray them many times over for the sake of this girl with a venomous tongue.

 

“Sure.”

 

Attention all the members of the going-home club.

 

I’m quitting the club.