Chapter 116 – Love Transcends All Logic

 

September was a special month for me.

 

It was the month when I met Sui. In this very same library, he came to me because of Akakusa-sensei. He started talking to me even though he looked very reluctant about it. That was the start of my strange high school life with him.

 

But, everything about that was merely something that was written inside my notes.

 

I remembered that I was talking to someone, but I wasn’t even sure that it was him or not. I knew that what was written in the notes was all true but, to me, reading it didn’t trigger any kind of memories whatsoever. Whenever I read it, it felt like I was reading a history book or a fictional story.

 

When will I be able to remember everything about him?

 

Since there was no need for it anymore, I stopped writing in my notes. Though, I was thinking of writing again. But this time, it wouldn’t be for my other selves to read, but for me to reminisce.

 

So I decided to start writing a diary.

 

I bought a diary at a big store in front of the station and started writing ever since.

 

Day by day, I wrote what happened, what I did and what I decided to do on the diary pages. I was good at writing, so my writing was smooth.

 

I doubt that I will be writing as much in the future though. I could see these strings of words would be lessened as I grew older. Pens would start becoming decorations and paper would become a dead medium.

 

I had always enjoyed writing. Probably because I loved reading whatever books I came across. That was the reason why I wanted to be a writer.

 

“Go for it, Arina! Even if you fail, you can still apply as a model or an entertainer.”

 

That was what Tsuru said to me when I told her about my dream during the lunch break.

 

“I hate to be the center of attention.”

“You don’t need to enjoy it, just do it for the money~ Anyway, writer, huh? Do you want to be a novelist or journalist?”
“Probably a novelist.”

“What kind of novel do you want to write?”

“Just normal ones?”

“Hmm… Well, I don’t know what kind of advice I could give you. But, if that’s what you want, then go for it. Honestly, normal jobs like office lady or waitress don’t suit you anyway. Seriously, you’ll be perfect as a model!”

“You’ll fit the job more than me. I mean, you’re this pretty, you know?”

“Nah, I want to study the laws, I can’t be a model. Then again, if I ever need more cash, I should try it as a side gig.”

 

I knew what to do in the future.

 

My life became easier when I had a concrete goal like this. If I just went with the flow, my regrets would pile up for sure and I would be unmotivated to do anything.

 

Since I decided on my goal, my day felt brighter and more beautiful.

 

On the sidewalks, there were children running briskly in their school uniforms. There were cars moving along beside them impatiently. Everything that moved around passed me by, leaving me behind with the trees that were sitting around the station. The gap between the leaves made countless pinholes of sunlight on the road and I was treading on those numerous tiny balls of light.

 

“Even when you’re walking normally, you look so picturesque, Arina-san. I feel like I’m watching a movie.”

 

In front of me was Ugin-san. We planned to meet up here since we were using the same station.

 

“It’s been six months. How was school? Fun?”

“Yeah. I enjoy it, everything feels fun… You know Arina-san? You sounded like my brother just now.”

“Is that so?”

 

Whenever I saw those jewels in her eyes, it reminded me of Sui’s. They looked so much alike, a solid proof that those two were siblings.

 

“I forgot to tell you this, but you’re free to visit him whenever you like, Arina-san. You only need to fill the form. I’m sure he will be happy if you visit him often.”

 

I thought only relatives could visit him. Ugin-san’s words surprised me.

 

“Thank you. I won’t hold myself back then.”

“Jeez, my brother sure is lucky. Being loved by someone as kind as you. Why can’t I be like him?”

“Aren’t you popular at your school, Ugin-san? You can try to get a nice boyfriend of your own, can’t you?”

“Honestly, yes. There’ve been people confessing to me, but I rejected them all. Every single one of them was childish. Besides, they have to beat my brother in a fair fight first before they could take my hands!”

“Your standard is too high, Ugin-san.”

“Really? By the way, Arina-san. Why did you fall in love with that stupid brother of mine?”

“Eh?”
“I mean, he is a well-known weirdo, isn’t he? If I were you, I wouldn’t even consider breathing the same air as him.”

 

She threw that question with a huge grin on her face. The grin that was so much alike with Sui’s.

 

I wonder what I could say to her? If I were to tell her my past, the fact that I had a dual personality and a victim of abuse, the fact that I lost my memory about Sui… That would definitely make her feel uncomfortable.

 

“Why did I fall in love with him, huh? …I don’t know. Before I knew it, I had already fallen in love with him.”

“That’s called the power of love, Arina-san. The power that makes you lose all reasons, the all-powerful power of love.”

“I’d like to believe that I’m not a lost cause yet.”

“Yet. Hehe, I knew it, I’m right. Love truly is something that transcends all logic.”

 

She nodded her head a few times.

 

Looking at her like this, a question popped into my mind. Did she already find her purpose in life? Well, it was probably a pointless question. This girl was similar to Tsuru, extroverted. She most likely had one or two goals in mind already.

 

We hung out for a bit after that. Shopping for clothes, having some tea while talking over our school life and giving each other updates on what was going on. It was fun. Thanks to this, the stress I had been feeling because of the upcoming entrance exam had eased.

 

After we parted ways, I headed to the hospital by myself.

 

Ugin-san gave me permission to visit him whenever I wanted to, so I immediately went there. I missed him so badly. As soon as I arrived at the hospital, I filled out the form before receiving the permit to visit him.

 

“Wake up, Sui…”

 

As usual, he was sleeping. Except now, his weight loss was noticeable.

 

I held his left hands and moved his joints. The doctor told me that I should do this regularly, or else his joints would become immobile.

 

“Your hands are so big…”

 

They were also filled with his warmth.

 

“You know, I’m thinking of writing a story. I haven’t thought of anything yet, but I should be able to come up with something after the exam. What do you think I should write? Do you have any requests?”

 

I looked at his face as I asked him that.

 

Jeez, I truly love him, don’t I?

 

That should be the only explanation why I missed him so much even though I had forgotten everything about him. He made my heart feel warmer than the summer sun. It felt like I wouldn’t be shivering in the cold during the winter if I were to be by his side.

 

“I have to go now. Hurry up and wake up soon, okay?”

 

I stood up and looked at his face.

 

Suddenly, I remembered Tsuru’s words. Should I try kissing him? Maybe that would actually wake him up?

 

My face immediately heated up as my mind rejected the idea. There was no way that a kiss could solve everything. If it could, there would be no war in this world. But, a part of me wanted to believe in Ugin-san’s words. To believe that love transcended all logic.

 

Such conflicts raged in me for a little longer.

 

In the end, I left the room with a smile on my face.

 

I could kiss him, but it wouldn’t be fair for him, would it? I still hadn’t heard his answer yet. I’ll keep waiting for it. While my summer vacation had ended, his summer vacation hadn’t ended yet.