contradiction.

Yes, it was all contradictory.

It’s not like I never thought about it. There is also a chance that this will happen.

If the [Erosion degree] increases, I can disappear myself.

I must have had a gut feeling from the beginning.

That’s when [Erosion degree] finally reached 50%.

I met Oz and decided to stop drawing the line between us.

Now, I decided not to be reluctant to live as Oz.

but… … .

But that… … .

I didn’t mean to forget myself… … .

maybe yes

There may have been an omen.

I just didn’t notice.

I couldn’t help but think so naturally that I didn’t notice.

– I was poor.

– I remember being poor.

I was already blurring that day.

From sitting on my bed, in my room where Oz was, feeling repulsive. the existence of myself.

It was unfamiliar right away.

– I wasn’t popular.

– I remember it as such.

Everything faded into obscurity, but I didn’t notice.

Come to think of it, I never missed my hometown much.

The moment I fed Princess Stasia the Seonji Haejangguk. I was able to notice that I hadn’t felt longing for my hometown.

I didn’t pay attention to the traces of my hometown that I could reach right away if I stretched out my hand.

It was already different at that point.

“under… … .”

The premise of everything.

I was sure, never, thought it would be different.

But there was something I should have suspected.

“hahahaha… … .”

Is Oz really a good man?

Were his actions really true?

Was he really a person who knew how to sacrifice for others?

Then, why did he meet and trade with the ‘outside existence’?

Maybe to hide selfishness, maybe to deceive me.

“hahahaha.”

Could it have been?

Could it be that everything was an act to deceive me?

I don’t know anymore

I thought I had confirmed his sincerity by looking into Oz’s eyes.

I thought I saw him with my own eyes and confirmed it, but now even my own eyes are suspicious.

“under… … .”

Everything is just suspicious.

I was afraid.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I remembered was that I had passed out.

At what point did I lose my mind? Is it at the immigration checkpoint?

“Are you okay?”

“… … Arrieta.”

just as expected.

I think it was Arrieta who was taking care of me when I collapsed.

a knee pillow

Normally, I would have enjoyed this situation, but now I can’t.

A feeble fear has taken over me. I am just endlessly afraid that all the emotions I feel may not have been lies.

“Noah managed to allow it.”

“Noah asked me. how fuss it was Noah must have been very worried about Oz.”

“… … okay.”

It is an unexpected aspect.

No, that was her. It’s just that it’s a little bit rougher for me.

“But here… … .”

“It’s not in the carriage. I was worried about Oz-sama, but I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Is that so? I don’t feel any shaking.”

“Now we are preparing for camp. Now that Oz-sama has come to his senses, I will have to help as well. Are there any inconveniences?”

“… … Fine.”

“Then I’m going to leave for a while, is it okay?”

“Yes, it is fine.”

“Yes, then… … . Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Arrieta stroked my bangs as I lay down for a while, then carefully stood up.

I did a bad thing.

I also felt uncomfortable with Arrieta. She always made me feel comfortable, but it was different now.

I feared the aftermath of Oz.

I was afraid that everything I saw, heard, and felt might be a lie.

And there’s no way that Arrieta, who can tell even lies, doesn’t know that.

She cared about my feelings.

“It’s pitiful.”

“I mean.”

The one who answered my murmur was Eleanor, who was poking her head through the tent of the carriage.

He’s a casual stealer. Normally, I would have scolded him for being rude, but… … .

I don’t feel like that right now.

“Young car.”

Eleanor, who had been staring at me through the tent, entered the carriage.

Others are making a fuss about preparing for camping, but is it okay for this guy to play alone like this?

“teacher. Is your body feeling better? Can I get you some water?”

“It is a strange reaction.”

“That is a rude response.”

Eleanor giggled and took my lying head and placed it on her lap.

“braided! How is it?”

“Arrieta already did that.”

“Tsk… … . You seem like a shrewd person.”

This is not what the guy who had abandoned his duties and sneaked into the wagon would say.

“Noah.”

“This is Eleanor.”

“Yes, Eleanor.”

“Yeah.”

I raise my head and look up at Eleanor. As always, he’s wearing a silly-looking smile.

what’s so fun

Looking at that stupid smile, even my worries become stupid.

“idiot.”

“… … Isn’t it suddenly too much?”

Eleanor is the main character born out of tragedy. The key person of this world beyond all of that.

How could I have endured it?

How could she overcome this vague anxiety that seemed to disappear?

“It’s hard.”

“I don’t know what’s difficult, but then shall we throw it away and go back?”

“No, I have to go anyway.”

Nothing will change.

My goals don’t change.

Right now, the process is just faltering a little. just take a little break

If you stop, it’s over.

After all, this world is approaching destruction, and I have to stop it.

Of course, that’s not necessarily what I’m supposed to do. But that’s not a reason to stop.

Isn’t there the most fundamental reason?

i don’t want to die

So, whether or not I disappear, whether or not Oz encroaches on me, and whether or not his goal is actually selfish.

I have to do what I have to do There is no time to worry.

But even though I know that, even in the middle of making up my mind like that.

“… … I am afraid that I will disappear like this.”

I was saying that.

I was shaking. Knowing and doing are different.

“I am different from the past me. But now I feel like I will be covered in the past and disappear.”

I was overlooking that

I know, but there is something more important than this.

“I feel like I’m all a lie, I feel like everything is made up, I feel like the things I’ve always believed have been fabricated. I’m afraid… … .”

“okay.”

I was cowering. I couldn’t see my surroundings. So far, there has been a lot of work, and there have been many crises.

As a result, there were many times when I felt scared. But it’s different. I had never felt such fear before.

“What if my existence, like this, fades away little by little and disappears?”

It seemed that I couldn’t stand it.

“I do not know… … . To be honest, I’m not sure what the master is talking about. It’s too vague.”

Eleanor seemed to think for a moment, then said with a puzzled expression.

“But wouldn’t it be okay since the only teacher I know is a teacher?”

“What if that isn’t me?”

“Are you afraid of dying, Master? Or are you afraid of disappearing? Either way would be scary… … . How are you now?”

“I am afraid of disappearing.”

The fear of death is still ubiquitous. But you can get past that. Haven’t I already crossed countless dead lines?

“Then there is no need to worry.”

Eleanor lowered her head and looked at me, who was crouching.

“I was afraid that I might disappear not too long ago. The reason I was able to endure it was because my teacher was watching over me.”

A foolish, fussing expression that seemed to have no worries.

Such an expression as if even the worries of the person watching were not a big deal.

“It’s hard to say… … . There is only one master I know. He is not the successor of the King of Sorcery nor the prince of Spellage, but the teacher I met in Skientia.”

Her confident expression reassures even those who are watching.

“Do you remember the receptionist?”

“… … You asked me to get out of the way?”

“Yes, at that time, it was hard to pretend not to know how blatantly my teacher was looking at me.”

If you think about it, it would have been.

As she is sensitive to gaze, there is no way she could not have noticed that I was secretly staring at her.

“Do you remember the entrance exam?”

“You made the magic bullets run wild like an idiot. It was a nuisance.”

“Then what about when you tried to destroy the statue of the head of the academy?”

“You broke it after all.”

“When I was terrified in the woods being taken by the leader,”

He directed the show for her.

Participated in stupid acts so that I could laugh.

“When I chased after you during practice.”

He kicked her out to protect her from Gerard.

“Party night. when promised.”

I promised to call her by name wherever she was.

“When I saved Marie.”

It got Thanatos’ attention so that she could move.

“And a date at the Vatican and when you called me by name. Do you remember all of them?”

what you did for her.

what i chose

I rolled and piled up the mud with my whole body squeezed out of my lack of hair.

my relationship with her.

“I remember all of that. I haven’t forgotten anything.”

Eleanor immediately put my head down as if her knees were going numb, then her hands grabbed my face and we looked at each other.

“I will remember everything about the teacher I met in Skientia. Then at least the teacher of those days won’t disappear, right?”

“… … .”

“Because that is the only teacher I know. I don’t know a thing about other past teachers.”

Eleanor smiled brightly.

That stupid smile for sure.

A smile like a fluttering joke.

“The only teachers I know are those from then until now. So, Master. Do not worry.”

It felt somehow beautiful.

It felt brilliant.

“Even if the master is eaten by the past, I will tell you about the present. Even if you want to forget, I will keep reminding you so that you cannot forget.”

“… … .”

I didn’t know.

I only thought of Eleanor as a being to be protected and to be led. Even though I knew she was something in the original.

“yes… … .”

But she was a savior.

was the one who led

Even if I hadn’t been involved, it was an existence that would have achieved growth before long.

A person who can move for someone who is afraid of them, who judges only the inner side of a human being that he has seen with his own eyes, not titles or actions in the meantime.

It was [the understander of the soul].

“If you are still anxious… … .”

Eleanor soon untied the ribbon from her hair.

A blue ribbon containing memories of the woman she cherished the most, Decentra. She carefully tied the ribbon around my wrist and said.

“This is a ribbon that represents the current teacher in the future.”

“… … .”

“It’s my precious thing, so wouldn’t it mean that much?”

“yes… … .”

Do you know or not?

Eleanor’s words cut to the core.

she won’t know Like her words, my words were gibberish that was difficult to understand the context of.

But even so, she gave me the answer I wanted to hear the most.

came to a conclusion

“Noah? Where are you? I’m running out of firewood, huh? Can we talk for a minute?”

“… … I guess I was caught sneaking in.”

Eleanor flinched at Baekyang’s voice from outside the carriage, then smiled again.

“Master, now I have to go because Baekyang is looking for me. Is it a secret that I was here?”

“You should have done everything you had to do.”

“… … If you’re going to say that, give me back the ribbon I gave you.”

“You’re too naive.”

Eleanor pursed her lips and quickly left the carriage.

Stealing the ribbon must have been something I just did.

“I am now… … .”

I check the ribbon Eleanor tied around my wrist.

I know what this ribbon means to her.

An item that is so precious that it is never left out even for a moment.

He gave me that stuff.

It’s a simple ribbon, but its meaning is hard to fathom.

It’s an object that has nothing to do with my hometown, but from now on, this will prove that I am a person who fell into a different world with no connections.

This is not Oz.

It will be a proof that only ‘me’ has built up.

“you can do it… … .”

As long as this exists, I can be myself. So don’t worry about anything else and prepare for the future.

As she gave me a proof. Let me also light the way for her.

now that’s it

Because it will become the meaning of my existence.