“I’m going to give Souta a massage!”

My childhood friend, who was spreading out her laptop on the bed, suddenly stood up.
I stopped working on my school assignment at the table and looked up at her.

“What kind of wind is blowing… out of the blue again?”
“I’m going to heal Souta from his exhausting studies!”
“What do you mean, ‘going to?’”

She probably got influenced by some anime or something again.
In this kind of situation, it’s 50/50 for Yuika. You can either choose not to get into too much trouble, or you can choose to get into a lot of trouble.

“Souta, you’re thinking rude things right now, aren’t you?”
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about it, but I can assure you it’s not rude at all because it’s an absolute fact based on empirical evidence.”
“I knew it! You’re thinking of using the maid’s outfit as a family heirloom instead of cleaning it. I can understand why you would want to use it for something strange since I’ve worn it, but you can’t. That’s very rude to a girl!”
“Wait! If you think that’s an absolute fact based on my experience, then we’re going to have to have a serious discussion.”
“But you sniffed it, didn’t you?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Eh, you didn’t?”
“I did want to!”
“What’s with Souta’s cowardice?”

She pouted her lips in a sultry manner.
This guy just… If I really did smell it, she would definitely be furious.
The distance between childhood friends was difficult as it sounded.

“Anyway! It’s my day to give Souta a massage! So come here. Come on, hurry up, hurry, hurry.”
“I’m still working on my assignment…”
“You’ll work better if you get a massage and feel refreshed, right?”
“That may be true, but…”

I sighed and closed my textbook.

It’s true that as a student, I have pretty stiff shoulders. When people jokingly gave me shoulder rubs in class, I’m always surprised when they say, “what kind of hardship are you going through…?”
I don’t have to tell you the cause of my hardships, as you might guess.

“Sleep like you’re hugging a pillow. Down on your stomach.”
“Hey, hey.”

I put the pillow under my chin and lay down.
…Wow, that shampoo smells so good.

“…………Wait. Did you just sniffed?”
“…Sorry. I’ll reflect on it. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay, though. If it weren’t for that you are Souta, I’ll report you, okay? You’ll be beheaded and your whole family gone with you, okay?”

Look, she’s getting cranky! What do you want me to do? And please forgive my relatives, will you?
As my heart ached from the unreasonableness of my childhood friend, the bedsheet around my waist sank lightly.
Yuika climbed onto the bed.

“Then get yourself together. Let’s start the massage!”
“Yes, yes, please start.”
“…Here you go”
“Hogee!?”
[TLN: Sfx of some sort.]

The strangest scream in the world gushed out.
When I turned around, I found Yuika on my waist with all her weight on me.

“What are you doing?”
“What I’m doing… a massage?”
“Don’t tilt your head like you’re wondering! Why are you stomping on me like it’s a normal thing!? Are you sure you’re not mistaking me for a flip-flopper or something!?”
“Souta, why are you so excited? Is it because I’m barefoot? Is that what you’re into?”
“If I were, wouldn’t you have been mad at me a long time ago!? If you’re not angry, it means you understand that I’m not the type of person who gets off on being stepped on by my childhood friend. You are completely aware and continue it, please apologize and get off my back right now, or my back is going to break!”

“Ah-eh? Something’s wrong. In the anime, they were massaging like this.”

Coming down on the waist, Yuika tilted her head.
Damn, it looks like I have two choices this time, and they’re both very troublesome.
Shaking like a fawn, I rub my aching back.

“Don’t mix up anime and reality! You’re like an old man hikinito with no common sense.”
“I’m 17 years old and I’m a beautiful, game-playing, anime-obsessed hikinito!”
“Yes, you are! I was a fool to trust your message skill!”
“Thanks for your work! Kisaragi Yuika will receive affirmation from all the lazy brothers and sisters of the country!”
“I’d like you to take a look at the hardships of those around you…”
[TLN: Hikinito = shut-in NEET.]

My childhood friend gave me a thumbs up with a smile and I looked up to the sky. My stiff shoulders were about to get worse. Also, my back was going to be a problem in the future.

“Haa, goodness… Yuika, lie down.”
“Huh? Why?”
“I’m going to teach you what a proper massage is.”

I rolled up my uniform sleeves.
Yuika does as she was told and got down on her stomach, but she doesn’t look too keen on it.

“that’s fine, but… I don’t want you to do anything naughty, okay?”
“Yuika-san.”

I turned serious.
The light in my heart was burning passion and quiet indignation. “Eh? Wha-what?” Yuika was slightly taken aback and responded as I earnestly called her.

“Listen up, my childhood friend. All people who are prone to stiffness, without exception, have a strong interest in massage. I, for one, make it a routine to go to video sites and watch massage videos that look so good that make me fall asleep before going to bed. You know what we, people who are serious about massages, lament about among them?”
“I don’t understand… and I don’t understand Souta’s seriousness either.”
“The existence of erotic massage videos! We want a whisper of healing before we go to bed! I’m not looking for intense eros! If it’s not a serious massage, change the tag! Put that in the title! I don’t want to be treated like an idiot!”

“What are you talking about? Why are you so passionate and knowledgeable about this?”
“Also, you don’t need classical background music for a serious massage video! Silence is fine! We like to hear shoulder taps and little scrapes, so I hope practitioners edit the video with no background music!”
“I’m sorry, it was my fault! I apologize sincerely, please come back, Souta!”

She clutched me tightly around the waist, and I came to my senses.
Before I knew it, I was standing on the bed, making a speech.
I let out a breath and brushed my hair up.

“I’m sorry. I guess I was just a little overboard.”
“Yeah, really…”
“Anyway, I’m not looking for eroticism in a massage. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“I had no idea what you meant, but I could feel your mysterious passion… So, should I lie down?”
“Mmm, lie down.”
“Can I… take a shower first?”
“I thought I said I didn’t want any eroticism?”
“Wow, your eyes are as if you can’t even take a light joke…”

Yuika gave up and lay down on her side.
I got down on my knees, straddling her slender waist. Normally, I would be filled with evil thoughts, but my belief that I don’t seek eroticism in massage is not a pushover.
I’m going to use my massage techniques, which I’ve cultivated through various videos, to relieve Yuika’s stiffness.

“Fufu, You can thank me. I’m going to make you taste every bit of pleasure in your body.
Wow, I want to make a comment, but it sounds like too much trouble, so I’ll just let it go.”

I started by lightly rubbing Yuika’s shoulders to get her ready, then put my thumbs up and placed them against her spine.
Now, let’s see how stiff you are!

Squish.

…Huh?

Squish. Squish.

…Hmmm?

“Ah, haha, that tickles! Souta, take it seriously.”
“No, I’m doing it seriously. But…”

Squish. Squish.

Squish—

“I’m surprised you don’t have stiff shoulders!”

Amazing. I didn’t know there were such soft shoulders in the world.
I tried to put my thumb on it, but it sank softly. It felt so good that my fingers were the ones being massaged, not the other way around.

“Scary. It’s scary how healthy a recluse can be.”
“Well, that’s rude. You’re just not very good at it, are you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Because massage is supposed to feel good, right? If you can’t do it, then you’re not good at it.”
“This is coming from the guy who tried to break my back! Okay, all right. You need to lie down more. Put your shoulders properly on the bed. Let’s do it… how’s that?”
“No, no, no, that tickles! I knew Souta wasn’t good at this!”
“See, how about… here, and how’s that!?”
“Oh, that tickles too! Hahaha, I give up, I give up!”
“There is no surrender in massage! I won’t stop until you feel good!”
“Souta’s an animal~!”

I coaxed Yuika out of her squeamishness and worked hard for about an hour, but in the end, I was not satisfied with the results.
I was so disappointed. The masseuses of the world are great.
Also, if this had been a massage video, I think I would have been tempted to give it a low rating in the end for some reason.

… I’d like to apologize on dogeza to my comrades who are massage enthusiasts across the country.