I’m sitting by the window in my room, trying to catch my breath.

It’s okay to breathe, but I can’t help but feel like I’m sneaking around.

Because it’s almost time for Souta to come.
It’s been a year and a half since I became a recluse.
Lately, I’ve been leaning against the window like this, staring at the road outside through the curtains.

Souta would come to my house for me.
I loved to see him when he does.

Of course, Souta doesn’t know this. He probably thinks I’ve been playing games, reading manga, and watching anime all day. Well, he’s not wrong, but this is the only time I put everything aside and waits for Souta, you know?

“Souta, are you here yet…”

Today is Souta’s payday for his part-time job.
In other words, it’s a day to give a hug.

“Ahwuu…”

I felt embarrassed when I became aware of it.
I pressed my forehead against the window sill and slumped down.

I really don’t know why I’ve developed this habit.
Every time we hug, my feelings swell up more and more. I’ve been holding back since I was a kid, but now I can’t hold back anymore.

“I love Souta…”

I was about to mutter it out but hurriedly kept my mouth shut.
Don’t say a word beyond that.

I can’t let Souta spoil me for the rest of his life. I have to let him go at some point. There’s no future for me.

“… So I decided.”

Starting today, every time I hug Souta, I’ll make him confess his feelings for me. I’m not usually allowed to do this, but I’m going to push my chest and other parts of my body as hard as I can to get Souta to be brave enough to.
Then I will reject him. In order to free Souta.

To overthrow the hero.
Even a reclusive heroine will do her best.

… Don’t be so far-fetched and tell me to reject him directly. I’m sorry, but this is the best I can do. I can’t live without Souta, you know.

If this were a story, there might be a flag of resurrection somewhere in the future.
But I know that reality and stories are different.

“So I’ll do my best. For my beloved Souta.”

I muttered emotionally to myself just after … “Huh?” I thought.
The most recent memory played on repeat. And I started screaming.

“I said I love him! I’ve been trying not to say it for a long time, but I just said it!”

I get embarrassed and roll around on the floor.
I roll until I hit the bed, change direction, and roll until I hit the study desk.

As I was doing this, I heard someone coming up the stairs.
It was Souta. It seems he came into the house when I took my eyes off the window.

“Wait, wait a minute! If we meet like this, it’ll be a disaster!”

In a panic, I pulled the covers over my head and started up my laptop. I start the game at a high volume! This is how I immerse myself in the game and regain a sense of normalcy. I think it was a perfect plan!

“‘No, don’t look!’”

The heavy cruiser character is sent out on a solo sortie, and the high voice rings out.
Okay, okay, she’s cute!

 

——I was surprised when Souta pulled the covers off of me because I was really into it.

 

After a while, on the day Souta stayed over, I started to work hard in a completely different direction.
Not in order to give up, but in order to move forward.

 

I can’t tell him how I really feel in my mind yet.
But I want to tell Souta about my determination to move forward the next time I see him…