As usual, I knocked at the door and entered the room.

For the first time in our 17 years of being childhood friends, something happened: a lopsided-looking King Arthur flew at my face.

“Na!? Eh, wait… what!?”

It was a stuffed animal that usually served as a cushion in her bed.
I felt like I was going to choke on it when a stray hair got into my mouth. But before I could get it out of my face, my childhood friend closed the distance between us with the speed of an assassin and pushed the stuffed animal further into my face.

“Goho!? Yuika, what are you trying to do? Can’t breathe, I can’t breathe!”
“Shut up. I am the legendary assassin of the Middle East. You’re dead if you continue to talk!”
“What the!? You’re from the Middle East, but you sound like fake Chinese! Hey, stop it! I managed to turn my head away, but don’t you dare to grab King Arthur! You’re giving me nightmares!”
“So shut up. Listen carefully!”

My childhood friend, who calls herself a legendary assassin from the Middle East and is also a fake Chinese, gave me a warning as she passed me.
Her face was already as red as a boiled octopus.

“You’re forbidden! You must not speak in this room any words that contain the letters ‘ki’ and ‘ss’! If you break it, you’re dead! No mercy!”
“Wha? You mean I can’t say ‘kiss’?”
“I said, don’t say it—”
“Ugh! Don’t put King Arthur in my mouth! I’m dying! My airway’s clogged and I’m really going to die!”

It seems that Yuika wants to pretend that the incident last night when she tried to kiss me, didn’t happen. But I couldn’t let her stop me from breathing.
I managed to pull the stuffed animal off by force, and dashed off to the study desk.
At the entrance, Yuika is holding a drooling King Arthur and breathing heavily. Behind her, the door slowly closed with a squeak. What is this, a horror movie? Give me a break, I’m not good at the occult.

“… I’ll accept your request. So, the legendary assassin, give me back Yuika. I want to talk to my childhood friend.”
“Then, do you want to use the ‘Forbidden Pledge Language,’ ‘Coffin of Eternity,’ or ‘Blood Pact’?”
“I will, I will. I’ll never say it again. I’ll be careful enough not to say ‘Oh, and by the way’ when ‘hot’ is a banned word.”
“You don’t have to do that much. Judging is too much trouble.”

She was a loose assassin, despite her legendary status.

“I’ll give you back your cute little girl, Yuika-chan. You can start over from where you came into the room. In the meantime, I will return to my seat.”

The legendary assassin was either possessing or merging with Yuika, or something like that.

It would be troublesome if I disobeyed, so I said, “yes, yes,” and left the room at once.

I closed the door and breathed. Sighed lightly.
But still… dang it, she beat me to it. I was planning on messing with Yuika today about the kissing thing, but she completely shut me down with her funny threats.

When I woke up this morning, Yuika was still asleep. Of course, nine times out of ten, she’s sleeping in. After I left the room, she must have fainted in agony. She must have rolled around on the bed saying, “why did I do that?”

Today, I was going to carefully apply salt to the wound, but now that she has made the first move, I have no choice but to give up. When I opened the door, Yuika would be playing with her phone or notepad as usual with an indifferent face. Well, it can’t be helped.

“So let’s start from the beginning. Hey Yuika, I’m here… oh?”

I thought she was playing a game.
But for some reason, my cute childhood friend was standing in the middle of the room. Not at all as usual. Is she still in the process of possessing and merging?

“… Souta, what’s this?”

Contrary to my expectations, Yuika was back to normal.
But when I saw what was held up in her hand, I let out the biggest scream of the day.

“Gee!? How did you get that? No wait a minute, it’s not like that…
What, is, different, about, that…?”

Yuika is holding a pink letterhead. It’s a simple but cute design, and it’s carefully sealed with a heart sticker. Just by looking at it, it’s… a love letter.

Yuika plucked it with her finger and made a very scary face. Seriously scary. It’s scarier than assassins.

“This, just fell out of Souta as you were leaving the room. It was probably in your chest pocket or something.”

I had taken the trouble to put it in the breast pocket of my blazer, because if it was in my school bag, Yuika might go through it on a whim. I had planned to take off my blazer and hide it as soon as I entered the room, but it seemed to have fallen out of my pocket due to Assassin’s tussles.

“Let me double-check, okay? Is this Souta’s?”
“… Yes.”
“I apologize if I’m wrong, but is this a love letter?”
“… Yeah, you could say that, but it’s not what it seems like. Listen!”
“Okay, now sit up straight!”
“What?”

Oh no, I messed up again!
As soon as I accidentally admitted that it was a love letter, both of Yuika’s eyes lit up. What’s the logic behind this glow!? My childhood friend is full of wonders!

…
…
…

… I was made to sit on the floor.
The table was moved, the carpet was folded, and I was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room. I was surrounded by figures in combat-like poses.
Yuika was cross-legged on the bed, looking down at me with the intimidation of a queen.

“I’m, not mad at you.”

No, no, no, don’t lie to me. You’re so furious that you’ve busted the gauge.
Of course, I can’t say that.

“I’m just genuinely, as a childhood friend, worried about Souta’s attitude towards life.”

No, no, no, what kind of talk is that from a shut-in who is doing everything in her power to stay away from school?
Of course, I can’t say that.

“To be honest, I think I was too careless. I’ve never really known what kind of school life Souta usually has if you think about it.”
“No, no, no, I’m sure I talk about it someti…”
“I’ve never heard of anything to do with girls.”

She stared at me with a glare.
As soon as I turned my head to the side, Yuika came at me with great speed.

“Are there any seniors who are idolized by their supporters? Is there a junior who gets locked in the gym storage with you and screams, I’m going to pee my pants!? You’re not pushing your classmate to be an idol, are you!? Do you have a club with a girl who is a genius at playing the harp!? You don’t bump into the girl who stole your Taiyaki on the street corner, do you!? Are there any gods who like monsters? What about the red devil with the Holy Grail!? Why is the teacher here!? I’ll never give up on that girl who’s good friends with the twelve signs of the Chinese zodiac! Those things!”
[TLN: Taiyaki = Japanese fish-shaped cake. Comment below if you think you know what she is referencing.]

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know! I don’t understand more than half the metaphors!”
“Is it possible that I am just a childhood? If I’m just one of the many heroines, I’ll cry!”
“In the end, that’s what you’re trying to say!?”

“Isn’t it obvious!? No matter what anyone says, Souta is mine and mine alone!”

Yuika’s voice echoed throughout the room.
Ohh, I’ve got it all figured out, this girl…
I was overwhelmed, but also quite happy indeed.

I reached out and grabbed the love letter that was tucked into the turret of the beautiful warship figure.
I held it out to Yuika in front of me.

“Try to read it. It’ll help you understand.”
“No! That’s against the ethical rules. Besides, I don’t want to read a love letter that… Souta got from another girl.”
“No, it’s not from a girl. It’s co-written by a bunch of disgusting boys.”
“What?”

I open the letterhead and show the letter to Yuika.
It was written in large, dirty, masculine letters.

“To Souta-kun, our maid idol☆ From all the boys of C Class.”

“I’m in love with you!” and “Please go out with me and have s*x with me!” and so on, all of which the b*stards had written with great excitement, was all over the paper.
I explained, truly disgusted.

“You know, my class had a maid cafe with the boys as the maid at the school festival, right? The newspaper club came by today, and they said that my picture from that event was voted the best in the school.”
“Fi-first place? Ah… Souta, you seem to be good at cross-dressing, don’t you think?”
“I’m not sure about that. But then the newspaper club said they were going to give an award, and the boys got into the act and made this love letter.”

“Th-then you have nothing to hide.”
“Because if I told you this, you’d want to see it.”
“See what?”
“… Me as a maid.”
“Of course!”

My childhood friend clapped her hands. She seems to have been convinced. I felt very complicated.
After all, this letterhead may look like a love letter, but in reality, it’s something much more horrible.

It’s not something that Yuika should worry about at all. And…

“I’m not the main character, so there’s no such thing as a heroine senior or junior. But still, if there is someone who is like a heroine…”

I threw away the pink envelope and patted Yuika’s hair.

“It’s enough to have a hassle of a childhood friend.”
“Aah…”

As if on fire, Yuika’s cheeks turned red.

“What are you suddenly saying that embarrassing? Souta, I don’t understand you. I’m not the target of your capture! I’m just a childhood friend!”
“Ehh? You say that, but the Yuika yesterday and today was pretty much on the edge, right?”

Okay, my turn.
I look into her face with a deliberate smirk on my face.

“Yesterday, you tried to kiss me out of nowhere.”
“Wait a minute, under the ‘Forbidden Pledge Language,’ ‘Coffin of Eternity,’ or ‘Blood Pact’…”
“Today you said, ‘Souta is mine and mine alone…,’ right?”
“Ah, ugh…”

Her cheeks turned even redder.
Apparently, she had declared it without realizing it earlier. It was pointed out to her now that she had regained her composure, and she was so in shock that steam seemed to be pouring from her face.

“Ugh… I give up! I surrender! I’ve lost today, so please forgive me!”

Then she quickly dived into the bed.
But there was no way I was going to let her go so easily. After all, I was targeted by a legendary assassin. If I don’t use this opportunity to get back at her, the drooling King Arthur won’t be happy.

“Didn’t expect to see you be so passionate today. I wonder which one of them is always saying, ‘you can’t fall in love with me!’”
“I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you!”
“How do you feel now? How do you feel? Shall you describe it in detail in about thirty pages?”
“Ugh, Souta’s being so mean!”

Yuika’s half-crying voice echoed through the room. Hmmm… this is really fun.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a big win. It’s nice to have a day like this once in a while, isn’t it?