Side Story 7: White Monologue

Posted on April 12, 2022by Soafp

Translator: Soafp

[Shirase PoV]

　I was staring at a house, feeling happy in the air-conditioned room.

　There was no particular reason. Even if I had a little contact with the people living in that house, there is only one man who is important to me.

　My life was smooth sailing.

　I was born into a rich family and was blessed with good looks. Although I have some complaints about my development, I can now proudly say that it is one of my strengths.

After entering Himemiya Jogakuin, I grew up very quickly.

　As I grew up, the topics of conversation around me gradually became more and more focused on love, and I began to talk about the seniors I admired at school.

　At school, I stood out a little because of my small size, but other than that, I think it would be safe to say that I was generally normal. I didn’t have any bullying problems, and I had a good number of friends. School was a fun place.

　One day, however, my life changed drastically.

The company that my father was running was going through a difficult time. My parents must have been under a lot of stress at that time, and I could tell even as a child that the house was in a state of panic.

　My parents left my brother and I in my grandmother’s care.

　My grandmother was very strict and made us learn various lessons. She also told us to put effort into our studies as well as our lessons, and we were exhausted every day. On the contrary, my younger brother was loved by my grandmother.

　I learned later that my grandmother did not like my mother. I guess she also disliked me because I looked like her.

　My life in this house distorted my personality a little.

　When I became a junior high school student, my grandmother passed away and I was released from the hell of learning.

　By that time, my parents’ faces had become peaceful. Apparently, the work mess had been cleared up. It was impressive that they looked apologetic, saying they were sorry for being so busy with work.

Once freed from the cramped life, I showed interest in girly things such as fashion, dramas, songs, and idols. Among these, I was especially strongly attracted to romance. I won’t deny that I also had a dreamy side, hoping for a fateful encounter with Prince Charming on a white horse.

　The closest person to me of the opposite sex was my younger brother, Yakumo Shirase.

　Yakumo attended an elementary school in the neighborhood and went straight to junior high school. He had always been tall and, unlike me, was an athlete.

I was the complete opposite of Yakumo, who had attended Himemiya Jogakuin from the elementary school level and had never grown taller and was not very good at sports.

“……”

　At some point, I began to develop special feelings for Yakumo.

　However, I was not yet aware of it at that time. I had attended an all-girls school from the elementary level, so I had no experience talking to boys even in junior high school. So I didn’t really know how I felt.

　As usual, my parents were busy, and I was taking care of Yakumo.

　I really enjoyed that time.

I was tickled by his childlike appearance as he played happily on his own and fell asleep after a long day.

　The next thing I knew, I felt a desire to monopolize them. I followed Yakumo when he went out to play with his friends and checked out their friendship. When I found out that Yakumo was popular at school, I developed negative feelings inside me.

Around that time, I became aware of my love for Yakumo.

Simultaneously, I began to want to have Yakumo turn special feelings toward me.

I studied magazines and the Internet to find out how to get men to fall in love with me.

　I got the information that boys like a girl with a hint of mockery, so I took advantage of my short stature and aggressively adopted the upper eye contact and the screwed-up girl elements. Well, as for the screw-ups, I was not really aiming for them, since I originally had no athletic ability.

　It was all for Yakumo to like me.

　However, no matter how much I looked up at him, it was pointless. Even if I intentionally fell down to appeal to him as a clumsy girl, his reaction was not good. When I fell down, he worried about me as a relative, but there was no further effect.

Maybe I have no sense?

　One day, while living in a state of frustration and emotional turmoil, I approached Yakumo without hesitation.

I lightly grasped his hand and eventually kissed him on the cheek, calling it skinship between sister and brother. When I finally couldn’t hold back any longer and tried to take his lips.

“……Wait, you’re too close. You and I are brother and sister, aren’t we?”

　I was rejected.

　I did not tell Yakumo how I felt. I have always said that it was only a skinship between sister and brother. So even then.

“Yes, yes. I’m just kidding, just kidding.”

　I put on a big sister air.

　But inwardly, I was shocked by Yakumo’s words.

　It is true.

　Real siblings cannot get married. Unfortunately, there is a wall of law that cannot be changed unless I become the prime minister.

　I was so shocked by the rejection that I was blocked up. It was my first setback.

　I was sulking, and I was mildly desperate. I decided to become a delinquent and took a detour on my way home from school.

　I stopped at a nearby park.

　As I wandered around the park, my eyes caught the reflection of a male student of my age. I didn’t even know his name, but when I noticed him, I called out to him.

　He looked gloomy.

　I tried to pick up on him with the knowledge I had seen on TV and the Internet, and it worked out well, mysteriously.

　It was almost my first experience talking to boys. The person said that I was pushy. Apparently, my approach was a bit aggressive. I would like to make an excuse that my experience of talking to men is limited to my family and I did not know how to interact with men.

　He was a very kind man. He listened to my poor story without making me feel bad. I felt that he was just like Yakumo except for his appearance.

　When I came home that day, Yakumo was worried about me.

“Sis, you seem to be late today.”

　Yakumo’s face clouded over.

　Jealous?

　Thinking it might be possible, I continued to see him the next day and beyond. When I returned home, Yakumo had a worried look on his face.

　I was convinced.

　I was sure that Yakumo had some special feelings for me.

In fact, he did not.

　However, I misunderstood and came up with a plan.

……I’ll use him to deepen my relationship with Yakumo.

　The moment the devil was in my heart. I went to the park and deepened my relationship with that boy. Naturally, I didn’t tell him about my brother, but I used all the techniques I had developed over the years.

　Looking back, I see that I was full of holes. At that time, I was always talking about myself, and I never had the consideration to listen to what the other person had to say.

　On Valentine’s Day, we became lovers.

　That is when I found out the name of the other person.

　Shota Mukawa. He was my first boyfriend.

　However, it was just a cover to make Yakumo have special feelings for me.

　My strategy was to make Yakumo jealous and make him fall in love with me. If I told him that I had a boyfriend, he would be upset. I was hoping that the feeling of having his sister stolen from him would work.

　Looking back on it now, it was a very stupid strategy, but at the time I really thought it would work.

　However, that plan came to nothing when a huge wave of unrelated events occurred.

　A few days after Shota and I became lovers.

“…… yes?”

To my bewildered amazement, my father began to explain.

　Suddenly, I was advised to go on an arranged marriage.

　He had received information that a young man from a big company was looking for someone to marry, and he wanted me to marry him.

　This is a joke. Because I love Yakumo.

　Is it possible that Father is aware of my feelings? Is that why he treated me so badly?

　But there was not much I could do at that time.

　I had feelings of love for my brother, but I had common sense. I cannot marry my brother. After much worrying, I decided to accept my father’s offer.

　In doing so, a problem arose. It was Shota’s presence.

The relationship I had entered into in order to fire up Yakumo, but if I was going to have an arranged marriage, I needed to break up with him. However, I did not know how to break up with him because I had not planned to break up with him.

“Yakumo, I have a favor to ask you.”

“A favor?

“Yes, Actually–“

　In retrospect, this was a huge mistake.

I asked Yakumo to pretend to be my boyfriend and dump Shota-san.

　As I had hoped, I broke up with Shota-san and succeeded in making out with Yakumo in the hush of the moment. Although we were only playing the role of lovers, I felt like I was going crazy with happiness when I was entangled in Yakumo’s arms.

　At that time, I didn’t realize how sinful and hurtful it was to my partner.

　I also had no idea how much it would burn me up to be in love with someone I love, even if it is a fake relationship.

　Shota-san is a kind person who listened to my problems. I am sure he will meet someone more wonderful soon. That’s what I thought at the time.

A few days passed after our breakup, and my father told me a shocking news.

　The blind date flowed. He said that the other person already had someone in mind. He had originally had a partner in mind and said he wanted to marry that person.

　I was furious.

I swallowed down my various emotions and prepared myself to accept the arranged marriage proposal, but my father did not seem to care about my life at all.　

　After this, my relationship with my father deteriorated.

“Sis, wasn’t that man your boyfriend?”

“Uhm, …… that.”

“I don’t know why you want to break up with him, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to lie. Don’t use me as leverage.”

Yakumo was upset that he was being used as a reason to break up with Shota. It is only natural, when you think about it.

I never told Yakumo that I was not in love with Shota-san. I felt that saying that would make him hate me even more, so I kept quiet.

“I felt sorry for that person because of the way you broke up with him.”

　This one incident was a turning point in my relationship with Yakumo, and it soured it a bit.

　It was a very painful wound for me. I had grown very attached to Yakumo in that one moment when he pretended to be my lover. I can’t help but feel that he might have disliked me.

But at the same time, I felt guilty toward Shota-san.

I was troubled by the conflict with my father, my feelings for Yakumo, and the guilt I felt for Shota-san.

　Furthermore, another problem arose around the time I graduated from junior high school.

　Yakumo had found someone he liked.

Yakumo thought he was hiding it, but I could tell because his attitude was clear. It was as shocking as being hit on the head with a hammer. Somewhere in my mind, I had dreamed that Yakumo and I might be in love with each other.

The unforgivable devil is Kanon Nijitani-san……. my junior.