Chapter 129 – Florida Man Claims He Understands Life Better After Talking to Statues

Because of the reminder, Leo believed he had all materials, except the purified bones.

“Kid, do you know how to purify the bones?”

Esen snorted, “How should I know?”

“…Forget it. I’ll take care of it eventually.”

Because of the lack of key ingredients, Leo put aside the new project. He turned his attention to the old recipes that he had never tried yet. He opened the alchemy workshop’s status menu and explored the known recipes.

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[Alchemy Recipe – Pill of Youth]

One Hundred Blades of Immortal Grass

One Drop of Virgin Sage’s Blood

One Drop of Unicorn’s Tear

One Liter of Pinnacle-Grade Holy Water

Five Elemental Essence

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[Alchemy Recipe – Longevity Pill]

One Blade of Immortal Grass

One Liter of Pinnacle-Grade Holy Water

One Black Heart of 9th-Grade Demon Beast

*Optional* Any Fire, Water, Earth, Metal, or Wood Element Catalyst

Any Elemental Essence

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“Whoops.”

Leo smacked his forehead. He mistook the unicorn’s tear for a unicorn’s horn. Also, he stocked 9th-grade monster cores instead of collecting their black hearts. Realizing his mistake, he had the urge to return to the mystic realm and bring the alligator monsters back.

Still, it was a slight setback. Since Leo got those ingredients in his hands, he might as well research them.

Leo brought out P.Hub’s horn and broke the tip. Then, he tossed it into the cauldron and pressed the research button.

DING

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Horn of Thunder Unicorn

Can only be found on a planet among Forbidden Constellation Star Sector as Thunder Unicorns only live there. As Thunder Unicorns utilize their horns as their second dantian, every piece of it contains a thick amount of lightning element essence. Because it contains a rare element, many celestial beings from immortal realms put a bounty for it, and they are willing to pay an arm and a leg to get a piece of it.

[Alchemy Recipe – Lighting Dantian Pill]

One gram of Thunder Unicorn’s horn

One drop of Thunder Unicorn’s tear

A Spark of White Tribulation Lightning Bolt

A Spark of Green Tribulation Lightning Bolt

A Spark of Purple Tribulation Lightning Bolt

A Spark of Yellow Tribulation Lightning Bolt

Lightning Element Essence

.

Leo scoffed as he found the recipe obnoxious as it required lightning element essence.

“Yup. It’s one of those idiotic kind of recipes. Without the lightning essence, you can’t make lightning element pills. But without pills, you can’t cultivate lightning elements. It’s like which came first – chicken or eggs.”

The recipe was also difficult because the pills required tribulation lightning’s sparks, which was new to Leo. Fortunately, the list only went up to the yellow grade. Had it demanded red lightning or black lightning bolts, Leo would have flipped the cauldron out of rage.

Leo closed the window and postponed this project. He researched another item. This time, he threw a 9th-grade monster core into the cauldron.

DING

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9th-Grade Monster Core of Horned Caiman

Horned Caimans are common in immortal realms as they are the bottom-feeders of the river. They are known to be the master of water and lightning elements, and their meat is delicious. This monster core is their crystalized dantian. Alchemists love these monster cores as they can be refined into Water or Lightning Dantian Pills. However, nobody has discovered a secret recipe, which can bring chaos to any mortal realm.

[Alchemy Recipe – Lighting Dantian Pill]

One 9th-Grade Monster Core of Horned Caiman

One Yang Element Catalyst

Lightning Element Essence

[Alchemy Recipe – Water Dantian Pill]

One 9th-Grade Monster Core of Horned Caiman

One Yin Element Catalyst

Water Element Essence

[Alchemy Recipe – Floridian Dantian Pill]

One 9th-Grade Monster Core of Horned Caiman

One Drop of Florida Man’s Blood

One Piece of Florida Man’s Flesh

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“…”

The first two recipes looked normal as they required catalysts, which were the same as other regular pills and dans. However, Leo was stunned by the third recipe.

Floridian Dantian Pill?!

Leo couldn’t laugh. He believed the system made this up to bully him, and he was offended.

“Is this some kind of a joke? Floridians have a dantian now? We can be made into pills?!”

DING

Unlike usual, the system replied to Leo’s inquiry instead of ignoring Leo’s questions.

<Research Feature automatically calculates and analyzes the material and comes up with every possible recipe, using the existing materials in every mortal world and immortal realm. Your existence is included in the calculation.>

“…I’ll be damned.”

It was not a pleasant feeling when he became one of the alchemy ingredients. Leo feared that one day, the system might want him to sacrifice his organs to make something absurd.

But since the recipe seemed easy this time, Leo let it slide. He bit his arm and pulled out a chunk of his flesh. Then, he tossed it into the cauldron.

As the flesh had some of his transparent blood, Leo fulfilled the requirements. He then threw a caiman’s monster core in there and spat into the fireplace as usual. After closing the lid, Leo initiated the pill-making procedure.

DING

<Refining Floridian Dantian Pill…>

<Remaining Time – 29 Days, 23 Hours, 59 Minutes, 59 Seconds.>

Something was not right about the timer – It took too long to complete! In the past, the longest pill-making time was only a few days. However, this one required a whole month!

Fortunately, Wu Buyi was not there, and the alchemist couldn’t read Leo’s mind. Otherwise, he would have vomited blood and died out of rage because his cultivation pills took him longer than a month to make. Thus, one month was a short refining time among local alchemists.

Because the first cauldron would be busy for a month, Leo moved on to the other workshops. He went to check the yang flame dan factory and yin ice dan factory.

Both workshops did well. The automaton mannequins stood there, pressing their hands on the cauldrons. They focused solely on their tasks, ignoring Leo.

Leo entered the second workshop building. Inside the workshop, frozen crates full of yin ice dans filled the building. Looking at the finished products, Leo wondered why the warehouse worker didn’t put them in the warehouse buildings.

He visited the yang flame dan’s workshop next. Upon getting inside, he found an opposite world.

The dans were on fire, and they were piled inside a metal container, which Leo had never seen before. It glittered in silver light, which resisted the dans’ extreme heat.

“What the hell? Where did they find these?”

Leo walked out of the workshop to ask the mannequins. But when he looked at their faces, he smacked his forehead.

“Right. They can’t speak. What the hell, my workers? What have you been doing? Where did you get all these goodies and containers?”

While Leo complained, a warehouse worker passed by. He heard Leo’s questions and poked his master.

Getting poked, Leo turned around, “What?”

The warehouse worker waved his hand and pointed at the junkyard. Leo tilted his head in confusion, but he followed the warehouse mannequin anyway.

When Leo arrived at the junkyard, he found a new world. Instead of seeing a mountain of trash and his past collections, he found the recycle center workers, who were in the middle of transforming iron pine lumber into random furniture.

“…”

Leo blankly stared at them. He didn’t remember giving them such an order.

“Who asked you to make furniture, damn bots?”

The recycling center workers looked at each other. Then, they pointed at the floating platform in the sky.

“What? Heaven?”

The workers shook their heads. They started drawing a picture of four statues over there and drew a circle around the fisherman.

“Huh?”

Leo still had no idea what they were trying to communicate. He looked up and frowned.

“Are you saying that a freaking statue ordered you to make those?”

Every worker nodded.

“Haiya…”

Leo was at a loss for words for multiple reasons. First, the workers did something without his permission, which threatened his authority. Secondly, someone had the power to influence the workers, which Leo didn’t like.

And lastly, from the workers’ testimony, they pointed toward the mysterious statues on the mystic realm portal platform.

“I guess I have to go see those statues next. Anyway, what else have that fisherman statue told you to do?”

The mannequins looked at each other. Then, they pointed south, where Leo had ordered them to dig the fish pond. However, it became a grand canyon trench.

One of them gestured to Leo to follow him. Leo did so and reached the cliff of the trench.

The guiding mannequin stopped at the edge and made a T-Pose. He then raised his right arm 90 degrees upward for a moment before he robotically raised his left arm while maintaining 90 degrees between his both arms. Then, an unthinkable thing occurred.

ZAAAA

The mystic realm platform suddenly poured a stream of water from above, raining upon the trench. Like a leaking dam, the stream got bigger over time.

Soon, it became a massive waterfall from the sky. A rainbow came out and beautified the scene.

<AHEM!>

As if the mannequin had unlocked something, Leo heard an elderly man’s cough. He turned to look at the flying platform.

Unfortunately, the elder didn’t continue speaking. Leo frowned and was confused.

“I clearly heard a sound.”

Leo jumped up to the platform. He stomped toward the fisherman’s statue and confronted it.

“What did you do? I heard you.”

<…>

No statue responded.

Leo slightly tilted his head and gave the statue a “Are you serious” look. He cracked his knuckles.

“Will you talk nicely or do you want me to smash every statue here?”

<…>

The four statues sweated profusely, yet they refused to talk for some reason.

Fortunately, one of them gave in first. The round slime-like cat with tentacles shifted his eyes.

<Calm down, master, munya!>

“Hmm?”

As soon as the catopus talked, the others stopped the façade. They all deeply sighed.

<Please calm your anger, woof!> Said the wolf statue.

The black-winged angel statue also stood up, but he knelt on one knee to pay respect.

<Don’t be angry, master. He means well.>

The fisherman statue lowered his head next.

<I used your golems without your permission. Please forgive me.>

“…”

Leo blankly stared at the four talking statues in shock for a minute. When he came to terms with the weird things around the domain and the system, Leo slapped his forehead and complained.

“An introduction is in order. Tell me who you are and why are you’re here? Who are you? Why do you come out? What are your purposes?”

The four heavenly guardians looked at each other and smiled. The fisherman began his introduction first.

<We are… originally a part of you, master.> Said the fisherman.

<We were your shadow, to be exact.> Said the black-winged angel.

<You created us, munya!>

<Or should we say… we exist because of your entity fate crystal, woof?>

As soon as the wolf blurt out the keywords, the other statues glared at her.

<Bad dog, munya!>

“…”

Leo narrowed his eyes as he heard something interesting. He also tried to recall his past when he first got the alien rings.

He vaguely remembered something similar. Also, strangely, the expedition objective was related to an entity fate crystal. Leo wondered if they were connected.

“Next question, what is entity fate crystal? Why does it have to do with y’all?”