Misaki 80 EN

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Chapter 64: Regret.

At first no one took him seriously.

That’s natural. There’s no one stupid enough to obey a guy who suddenly came out of now where and ordered them to leave this place which is important to them.

But within just three days from that, one of us changed his attitude.

And one more after that within the same day, and three more people in the next day. Then the weekend came and passed by, and on Monday everyone reached to an agreement to leave this place.

“You guys, are you all for real!?”

Looking at the workers who gathered at the factory’s entrace, I shouted for the first time in a long time. I look into their eyes asking if this is just some sort of joke, but no one would look at me in the eyes.

And then the old man who acted as a deputy manager stepped forward as if to represent everyone behind him.

“……Ryuusei, I understand your feeling.”

“Understand my ass!! What the hell are you even saying!?”

“Hey Ryuusei. Do you really think that we’re saying this just to joke with you?”

His painful voice made me unable to reply back.

I know that to them, this factory is a place of great importance. So that must mean that they’ve their own reasons about why they all decided to leave this place.

“……Explain it to me then.”

Somehow I managed to stabilize my breathing and squeezed out these words.

The deputy old man muttered “Sorry” before explaining the situation to me.

The man in black is apparently the so-called landshark. Putting it simply, he’s a guy who buy land that the weathly wanted and resell it to them at a higher price. And to achieve that goal they’ll use any means necessary.

The method they used is not just plain violence that are obvious to people, but the more insidious way, something that a crafty villain could think of.

If they’re just using violence then we can just ask the police for help. However, if our families are taken hostage then we’ll have to present the evidences to the police first or else they won’t act. And if you couldn’t present the evidences then you’ll be sued for defamation instead and lose the case.

That man in black is in an organization that would do such things calmly and coldly.

So just as mentioned above, the guys at the factory are forced to nod in acceptance even though they don’t want to, to the man in black’s request.

“Ryuusei, you do not have to feel guilty here. And the terms those guys presented to us aren’t that bad. If you want to run a factory then you can do it again anytime you want. Instead of regretting getting into a fight with them that you know will end badly, it’s better to swallow down your tears right now and……”

I didn’t know what he was thinking when he said those words out. I was just disappointed that they give up this factory for such a reason.

“……I see. Then do whatever you want.”

“Don’t do it Ryuusei, you’ll only regret it.”

“You won’t know unless you try.”

“All the guys who tried to do the same as you, they all regretted it later on. Those guys in black, they’re that kind of people!”

“So is that the reason why you’re willing to give up on this factory without even struggling? This place isn’t that cheap you know.”

We argued back and forth.

And thus, the only people left at this place are only me and Akane.

Only me and Akane who had nothing to lose remained here.

Weekday afternoon.

Usually the factory would be filled with the busy sounds of the workers and machines operating, but right now it’s so quiet as if the factory itself is sleeping.

“Hey Ryuusei. Maybe we too……”

“It’s okay don’t worry.”

I put my hand on Akane’s shoulder and,

“I’ll protect you and this place.”

I said those words without anything to back it up.

The me who have never failed at anything believed that I really can do anything and make it happen.

Immediately after, I heard a subtle sound of footsteps.

“So it seems like only you two are left. Now if only Akane-san would give me her title deed then my job here would be over.”

The man walks into the factory and look at the two of his, the smile on his face feels a little sinister.

“The title deed would be 120 million yen. As for the gentleman over there you’d receive ten million yen as severance pay. That’s quite a sum is it not? I even think that it’s a little too much for a child’s pocket money but…… I believe you’d be satisfied with this, no?”

“Hell no.”

Looking at the blabbering man, I replied immediately.

“This place is an important place to Akane. No matter how much you pay we’ll never sell it to you.”

“Akane-san, are you of the same opinion as him?”

The man said, Akane nodded before hiding behind me.

“……That is very unfortunate.”

Surprisingly, the man walked out of the factory straightforwardly.

“Hey Ryuusei, did he give up yet?”

“I don’t think so. Akane, is it okay if I stay in your room today?”

“I don’t mind but…… Why?”

“We don’t know when he’ll be back. That’s why I can’t be away from here.”

“……Is that so.”

Her voice sounds slightly relieved, Akane smiled a little.

That smile reminded me that I want to protect this smile no matter what.

From that day on, our life of holing up in the factory begun.

Since there are only children left at this factory now, the man in black isn’t picky with his methods anymore. Everyday savage bunches would appear to force us to obey them.

But I handle violence with violence.

“……Damn you, you fucking monster.” (Delinquent)

“Just give up already. Even if you come with a hundred people I will never give up on this place.” (Ryuusei)

I’ve received education in many field of talents, but it seems like the thing I’m most talented in is fighting.

No matter who or how many people come, I never felt like I’d lose.

However unlike me, Akane would always speak to me with worried voice.

“Hey Ryuusei…… please don’t push yourself too hard.”

“That just now was a piece of cake. I’m not pushing myself or anything.”

And everytime she did that I’d reassure her by showing her my smile, but her expression would turn bitter when she look at my body which is covered in more and more wounds as the time progress.

“……If it’s the factory then we can rebuild it if we have money.”

“We’re going to make this factory the best there is in Japan aren’t we. There is no other place.”

“I know that, but!”

“It’s okay, just leave it to me.”

There’s no doubt if we continue to persist then those guys would eventually give up.

And then all the workers that left this place would come back, everything will be back to what it once was.

That’s what I thought.

However, it didn’t take long until my sweet illusions shattered.

I still remembered that dry sound until today.

I’ll never forget the scream that comes after that, or the heat that I felt on my body.

Those guys, they finally bring gun with them.

I didn’t lose my fighting the gun even after I was shot, but I also couldn’t move very well in ym wounded state.

But since there’s no way I’ll give up, I move my fists until I couldn’t anymore.

“Please stop it already! I’ll give you the title deed or whatever it is you want. So please, please stop it already.” (Akane)

“So the transaction is completed then.” (Man in black)

Before I knew it I was already on the ground and Akane was talking with the men in black.

Although I don’t know what they’re talking about, I only knew that Akane is crying as she talks.

I have to help her.

I thought that, but I couldn’t even move my body even a little.

I couldn’t do anything.

Instead I was giving Akane painful feelings as I struggled on the ground as much as I could.

A bit after that I lost my consciousness, and when I woke up again I saw Akane immediately right away. She lifts my head up from the ground, calling out to me desperately.

“Ryuusei!! Please respond!!”

I couldn’t understand what she’s trying to say, all I knew was that her face is messy.

Seeing her face like that, it made me feel really miserable.

“……Are, you o…”

“You don’t have to act tough! This-, this much blood is coming out-“

Truly pathetic.

Are you okay? I can’t even say those words out.

“……They-, did not, do anything to you, did they?”

Somehow I managed to squeeze the words out, Akane nodded while crying a lot.

I feel a little bit relieved and,

“……Sorry.”

I apologize to her.

Perhaps if I didn’t do something unnecessary like this, Akane wouldn’t make such a sad face.

“Why-, why are you apologizing Ryuusei.”

I heard a voice.

But because my consciousness is still hazy, I couldn’t understand what she was saying.

So instead, I continue apologizing.

“……If only, if only I didn’t do unnecessary thing like this…… then, maybe the outcome would be better than this.”

“No that’s not true, it’s not an unnecessary thing!”

“……If I knew it’d turn out like this, I shouldn’t have done anything in the first place.”

“You’re wrong!”

“……Everything, it was in vain.”

“It wasn’t in vain!!”

I can see Akane shaking her head.

I knew that Akane is a kind person, so I guess she’s expressing her concerns for me.

“　　　”

But I really couldn’t make sense of what she’s saying.

Eventually an ambulance appeared.

But it is the ambulance that those men in black had called.

In case the negotiation broke down, they will use the method that crossed over the grey zone line. Then they prepared an ambulance for such case, sending the injured to the hospital that they had a connection with. As a result they there’ll be no need to contact the police, leaving no evidences behind. The injured can’t do anything to them after he was discharged.

“Can you hear me, Tendou Ryuusei-kun? Your ability is truly impressive.”

After I wake up on the hospital bed, the man with that disgusting smile invited me to join them.

I had no more strength to resist them so I nodded. Even if I refused, I know that they’ll corner me until I finally nod. If it’s going to be like that then it’s better if I just accept it here and now and not doing anything else that’s unnecessary.

Up until now, I never regretted anything that I’ve done.

If I think of something, I will make it happen exactly as I wanted it to be.

On the contrary, I also never did anything seriously too.

But now is the first time ever in my life that I will took things seriously for once.

I had promised that even if it costs me my life, I’ll protect Akane’s important factory.

However the outcome is not what I desired, I even caused unnecessary harm to the person I was supposed to protect.

It is my first ever failure.

With just a single failure, it shattered my heart so easily.

Just like when my mom told me that she wished she hadn’t given birth to me, I also wished that I was never born in the first place.

My heart had sunk deep, so deep that I think that I would never be able to rise up from this abyss ever again.

But that is where I was wrong, the depth of this abyss is deeper than I thought.

Immediately after I joined their organization, a mysterious man approached me.

That guy is strangely supportive of me, first he introduced me, who had no home at that time, to a run-down apartment with a monthly rent of ten thousand yen. Then he got me the livelihood protection welfare. He also supported me in many other ways.

The thing I had to do when I’m a part of that organization is simple, I only had to beat people up.

The people I beat up are mainly people in the same industry as the organization. Although my common sense is not normal, but still to think that such an organization still existed in this era is simply unthinkable for me. Perhaps it’s because I’m a Japanese, and things like this are not that uncommon in other countries. Stuff like this must’ve been a frequent occurence.

I was able to forget everything while I beat people up.

My heart runs on a very simple logic, beat the crap out of people trying to kill me.

A tall man with woman-like face. Because this special feature of mine, my name spreads very quickly within this neighborhood, I was even nicknamed a shameful name as PR. It’s a word to make fun of my feminine face that can’t even grew beard or mustach, but I couldn’t care less what it actually meant.

In any case, I lived such a life for three years.

Although I received a lot of money as pay for my work, but no matter how much money I received I melted all of them down at the casino within three days after I got the money.

And before I noticed it I even started smoking.

At first its odor is so foul to me that I thought I was going to die, but weirdly enough that odor seems to suit me and it calm me down.

And I even started drinking alcohol, although not that much.

And thus, I became very apathetic to things around me.

Ahhh when am I going to die, should I make it tomorrow?

Perhaps I should try being a sandbag, letting them beat me up without any resistance.

But in the end I didn’t die.

Everytime I think about dying, my body would move on its own as if being pulled by something.

I don’t know what’s the cause of that, but everyday I saw a dream.

Although it was a dream that I would forgot about everytime I woke up, but whenever I woke up I sweated heavily.

I wonder what was my dream.

I know that there’s only one answer to this question, but I never give it a thought.

I don’t want to think about it.

But I couldn’t help but remember it.

I want to meet her and talk to her again.

When I finally thought that, I had already fallen deep, so deep that I couldn’t return anymore.

Then at least, at least I’ll get my revenge for what the organization did to me that day.

I felt like my life was in danger many times, but finally I was able to go one-on-one with the boss and achieved victory.

After that, I started living my meaningless life at that shabby apartment.

Strangely enough, even after all that happened, the man is still supportive of me.

The organization assumed I was dead, he even offered me a day labor work in a normal company. Now that I think about it, he must’ve been the son of Tendou family as well, but at that time I’ve never given it a thought.

My life at the run-down apartment is truly simple.

When I woke up I’d smoke, if I feel like my throat is dry I’d go to the nearby park to drink water.

If I’m hungry I’d go to find something to eat, if I’m sleepy I’d sleep.

If I have money then I’d kill my time at the pachinko, if I don’t have money then I’ll work part-time as a day laborer.

Such days have no meaning.

I prefered dying right here and now rather than continue living.

However, if I had a chance then……

Although I always claimed that I had no interest in things of that sort, but I had always been expecting them to come to me one day.

I was just a lowlife that never made an effort to do anything, yet still greedily begged for such a miracle.

I was living lazily day by day, daydreaming about the fantasy that will never happen, dreaming that one day something will suddenly happen, something that’ll give me the chance to redo everything, and that no matter what I did the outcome will be what I wished it to be.

Of course I understand it.

Even if I received such a chance, there’s nothing that I can do.

I already knew the result even before I try.

If that’s so, then there’s no need for such a chance to come.

I’ll just kept thinking in circles, thinking about the same old things over and over again.

I wasted my time meaninglessly while wishing to die in the next day, while feeling the urge to destroy everything in this world, while also wishing to be saved as well.

There’s no way a person like me would receive such a chance.

I know that if I use this time to do something then I will at least get something out of it. I understand that and yet still didn’t do anything, then who’s even going to do something for such a person in the first place.

However, it suddenly appeared before my very eyes.

It was a day in winter.

That day, I met Misaki.

Seeing the powerless and pathetic kid in front of me, her figure overlapped with myself back on that day.

I was scared. My arms and legs are shaking so hard that it’s laughable, even the tears that I thought had dried up long ago started to flow again, as if it was a lie. I wanted to chase the kid out right away. I wanted the police or someone to deal with this kid instead of me. Or rather it’s obviously better to do so. If I did so then at least the kid would be happy.

But again, I made another mistake.

I couldn’t ignore the kid in front of me.

I already knew the result even before I try.

I can’t do anything, and just like that time, Misaki is definitely going to experience misfortunes because of me.

And yet, I couldn’t choose to ignore her either.

As I was carrying Misaki to the hospital, I felt a deep regret in my heart.

I can still make it in time, I can still give her back, I will explain the situation to the guys in the hospital, that is what I should do.

I kept screaming that inside my head countless of times.

And at the same time, there’s also my other self that told me that this is the chance I’ve been waiting and wishing for.

In the end, I repeated the same mistake again.

I forced myself to justify this action of mine by using pretty words to cover up this messy conflict in my heart.

Even though I knew that it’s impossible, knew that there’s no way I can do it, and yet I choose to raised Misaki by myself.

But still, the option for me to leave her to the police is still always there.

But what happened at the public bathhouse had completely erased that option.

Seeing the clothes that were thrown away, Misaki made a sad expression.

That’s why I told Misaki.

And Misaki smiled at me.

She showed me a sincere smile that has no fakeness in it, looking very happy.

I felt like it was the first time for me that I received a positive feedback for what I had done.

Ahhh, seems like even I still can make someone happy.

Then surely, I can still start over.

I’m going to protect this smile this time as well.

That is what I thought.

I couldn’t care less about what’s right or what’s wrong.

I will raise Misaki. That is what my determination is.

And so my days of rechallenging things begin.

My body is still trembling from fear like always.

I didn’t do something wrong right? The thing I did just now isn’t a mistake right?

How did I do today? Nothing bad will happen right?

I hope that I’ll not fail at things again and hurt Misaki.

To erase all of those anxieties I did my best desperately. Giving myself an easy-to-understand goal such as becoming a good parent, keep telling myself that and continue to think of how to achieve that goal.

And one day a huge chance appeared before me.

I met Wazaki Yuuto.

It was a chance that I was borderline threatening him to get it, and there’s no way I’d pass it up.

However, I never even dreamed that one day I’d be challenging myself at something so difficult as programming.

If it’s studying then I should be able to do it.

My academic ability is quite excellent.

However upon opening the book, I was stunned at the number of terminology there are in the book. Even though it was written in Japanese, but it seems as if it was written in foreign language instead.

I was desperate.

Really, I was so desperate that I’m sure I had never tried to do something this hard before.

But the things they say about hard work pays off is a lie, I couldn’t see the future where everything would work out.

Every time I think about giving up, the incident at the factory would pop up in my mind.

It’s no good again.

It’s obvious that something like this is impossible for me.

It was a waste of time to do it.

But I couldn’t give up.

For Misaki’s sake, giving up is something unforgivable.

There is still someone who support such a person like me.

There is still someone who see me and talks to me.

There is still someone who see me in anxiety, yet still stay with me in this hard time.

Thanks to that, I was able to walk forward, even if it’s just a step forward.

And after that new things presented itself one after another.

Together with the obsessive need to make sure that I didn’t make any mistakes, I look forward with determination.

I met a lot of people, I thought about lots of things.

And each time I was able to come up with my own answers.

Slowly and steadily, I can feel that things are changing.

And today, I met Akane once again.