168. self-awareness

***

Seruk.

Squeak.

Even as he took off his cadet uniform, his heart filled with a new feeling.

Awareness of my own act of taking off my clothes while being conscious of others’ gaze.

…It definitely felt like a situation that would have been even more strange had it been in a place other than the infirmary.

‘Even if it’s just for confirmation.’

That I have to show my body to someone without hesitation. Moreover, I became even more conscious of the fact that my partner was the opposite sex with no big age difference between me and me.

“… … .”

The tea table that existed between her and me had been cleared to one side of the space before I knew it, and now, in my field of vision, Adelia was looking at me with only a step or two between them.

As I took off my clothes layer by layer, she kept it all in her eyes.

“… … .”

I glanced into Adelia’s eyes.

There was not a single bit of delusion or strange emotion in her eyes, which glowed as if they were filled with gold. A transparent gaze containing the composure of a medical professional who checks the patient’s condition.

The eyes are just looking straight at me.

So I was relieved.

Seruk.

Even when I was taking off my cadet uniform, I felt strange for a moment, but I was able to calm my mind again like a calm lake.

‘Because I have nothing to hold back.’

I didn’t think I put too much strain on my body in a few days, less than a week. So there was no reason for me to hesitate at Adelia’s gaze.

Took.

As I put down the last piece of clothing, I completely exposed my entire upper body.

…The trained upper body caught my eye inadvertently.

The upper body was quite complete to the extent that it would have been weird if the body hadn’t changed.

“Instructor Adelia. Ready.”

“Then I’ll check right away. There will be no such thing as pain throughout the check. So, don’t be too nervous and take it easy on Cadet Han Chun-seong.”

I also nodded my head calmly at her calm voice.

My heart sank even more at the white touch that reached out right after.

‘Let’s not show strange reactions.’

Because this is treatment.

Because it’s just a confirmation.

Recognizing her hand that directly touched her upper body, a quiet time continued.

shoulder. Arms, hands, sides, chest… … .

Adelia’s hand patted lightly, as if to check my entire upper body. As there was a slight light on the pure white hands, I could even feel the subtle warmth from the atmosphere they were in contact with.

And that soon brought a little peace to my heart.

“I’m sure you haven’t been overdoing it for a while. Cadet Han Chun-seong’s condition is better than ever before.”

Seeing her smile slightly, a small smile leaked out.

“That’s fortunate.”

Multiple treatments just last week. As much as I was greatly helped by her, I tried to keep my promise with her.

—-Promise not to overdo it.

And before that, I had never taken the instructor’s words or actions lightly.

The few times in the past when I had to disobey Adelia’s words, there was no choice but to do so. I can keep it because it’s not like that now.

‘In the first place, I was… .’

I was overcome with a sense of crisis that I might not have to face the apostle Leteia, and the pressure that it was up to me whether or not I could save Karite.

Aside from that, all the burdens were overwhelming me.

So I tried to move forward somehow, and it could be said that two weeks ago I was obsessed with skills and didn’t think about my body.

But now, the mindset was different because they had prepared a means that could be called a safety measure in the face of future crises.

that there is little leeway.

Took.

Then her hand landed on my right shoulder.

When I felt the gentle warmth and stopped for a while, I felt a different sensation than before.

softly… .

My body shuddered startled at the sticky hand that seemed to carefully caress my shoulder.

“…”

When I looked at her, it was her hand with a soft light.

But that touch… Now it felt so strange. I turned my head to look at Adelia, and she burst into a soft laugh.

“Really, don’t be so surprised. It’s because I’m trying to loosen up the muscles that are tight.”

“Ah yes. All right.”

“First of all, it can be said that the overall confirmation is almost complete. There is no problem anywhere, and I can say that my physical condition is fine. And now, it’s a kind of consideration given to Cadet Chun-seong Han who listened to me well, so you can accept it without hesitation.”

At the words that followed, I couldn’t help but laugh awkwardly.

‘Really, what am I thinking?’

It was just funny that I thought about whether her touch on my body had a different meaning.

It couldn’t have been that way in the first place.

Adelia was an instructor, and I was a cadet.

But there’s no way that she, an instructor, would touch me, a student, and harbor a strange feeling.

‘This is really self-consciousness.’

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Just as I did with Carly yesterday, it seemed like Adelia had feelings for me again today.

…So I felt like a problem.

It felt like every female instructor I met had feelings for me, so it seemed like I needed to settle my mind.

Squeak… Squeak.

Even after that, Adelia’s touch on my body was definitely different when I changed my mind like that.

I didn’t feel like she was touching me at all. I could just accept her touch as if it was lightly brushing.

The hand that had been caressing my right shoulder slowly passed my collarbone as if it were heading in the opposite direction, and I involuntarily swallowed my saliva.

‘ah.’

The sound of swallowing was too loud, so I inadvertently looked into Adelia’s eyes.

“… … .”

Thankfully, she didn’t say anything, and her gaze at my body was still clear and there seemed to be no other emotion.

…and I realized.

this is dangerous I know Adelia is selflessly touching and caring for me right now.

There was a clear difference between knowing this with reason and accepting it with the body.

softly… . Squeak.

No matter how much I tried to calm myself down, Adelia’s hand passing over my collarbone and this time over my left shoulder was definitely sticky.

I felt that way because my body accepted it, but no matter how many times I tried to say that I was okay with reason, it was useless.

…It feels like you are treating your body with care as if you were caressing your lover, but that was really close to force majeure.

Naturally, the current situation caught my eye.

Adelia leaned over to caress me.

What a voluptuous body she has at a slightly closer distance.

softly.

I could see how red and appetizing the parted lips were with the sound of light exhalation.

‘ha.’

Even though my lips were hesitating, I became nervous without realizing it.

Maybe this situation is dangerous to accept with ease.

It was as if she was tempting me.

Even if he had no such intention, he would lightly push me with his body as if to test my patience.

Moreover, her warm touch suddenly changed little by little as if it were caressing my body, so I couldn’t help but get that kind of reaction.

That time when the body heats up and all kinds of thoughts fill my head as if they rule.

“Huh… … .”

Hearing a strange snort, he involuntarily stiffened.

And then. Leaning gently towards me, she slowly raised her head.

Those two eyes, strangely raised as if looking up from below, looked strangely strange.

…Even though it was clearly the same transparent gaze as before.

“Cadets of Han Chun-seong. Aren’t you thinking about something strange right now?”

“Yeah, can that be?”

As if my mind was awakened by the words I heard, I laughed awkwardly.

“okay? For something like that… Cadet Han Chun-seong’s reaction seemed a bit strange, didn’t it?”

Then, when she narrowed her eyes and glanced at me suspiciously, she hesitated but immediately shook her head.

“…I never harbored any selfishness. I just gratefully accepted the instructor’s consideration.”

“Ah~ Is that why you flinched like that?”

When Adelia asked, blinking her eyes, a suspicion rose in me that I wondered if she was asking because she really didn’t know.

‘No, obviously.’

When a member of the opposite sex touched his body, it was natural for the recipient to feel strange. There was no way she was older than me and didn’t know that.

“… … .”

When I stared at Adelia without answering in that sense, she met my gaze and shook her head with a big smile.

“Puff… sorry, I’m sorry. Cadet Han Chun-seong’s reaction was so funny that I wanted to make fun of him without even realizing it.”

“You are so naughty… .”

As I answered, I also let out a smile of relief.

I, who was very nervous and disturbed by her light reaction, felt empty. Even though my heart was completely relieved, I suddenly thought that it would be okay now.

“Then can I stop wearing clothes?”

When the atmosphere of confirmation was broken, I felt ashamed too.

It was okay to show my body, which was completed through training, but it was definitely between a man and a woman.

I sometimes forget that fact, but before she and I were instructors and cadets, there was a clear distinction between ‘men and women’.

“Uh… that’s it.”

When Adelie, who seemed to be willing to accept it, hesitated, he hesitated while trying to pick up the clothes.

“Didn’t you say that body checks were mostly over?”

I heard that touching my shoulder afterwards was for consideration.

“…Yes. Yes. Ah, nothing. Then the cadet of Agar Castle. Let’s check until here.”

Seeing him smile awkwardly and agree, I felt a little strange.

‘I don’t want to misunderstand either… .’

As if Instructor Adelia was regretting ending this time… .

It just didn’t seem that way to me.

***

Tea time, body check, and dinner have been solved now. Suddenly, it was completely dark outside.

As it was the weekend, the darkness was even more striking due to the academy facilities with less light than on weekdays.

again.

Adelia, who was walking slowly, looked at her side inadvertently.

“… … .”

There, he saw Cadet Han Chun-seong, with a calm yet calm expression.

I accepted everything I said, and now I’m walking on a promenade, which is the end of today’s itinerary.

I just wondered when the time had passed like this.

‘It’s already time to part.’

deep regret.

Unlike the time I spent with him with an ambiguous mind like before, the time I spent being aware of my heart felt completely different.

It is more fun, and I feel great happiness.

My heart was conveying such great joy to me just by being with someone.

so i knew

Now… how much I like him.

“Instructor Adelia. Isn’t the night sky so pretty?”

Then he turned his head and said, involuntarily, his heart pounded.

However, he hid his excitement and opened his mouth calmly.

“…Iknow, right. Like Cadet Han Chun-seong said, there seem to be more stars today.”

When I gently lifted my head up and looked at the night sky, I immediately sympathized. Numerous stars embroidered the sky beautifully, drawing attention.

Took.

I stopped walking while looking at the twinkling stars.

that buck

I looked at him who stopped walking right after me and spoke cautiously.

“Let’s… rest on the bench for a while.”

If you walk a little further like this, you will have to part with the cadet Han Chun-seong.

And… I hated that.

“Aren’t you late?”

He slowly shook his head as he looked at Cadet Han Chun-seong, who spoke with a surprised expression.

“I’m fine, so let’s do a little more… … . I really want to stay with you just a little longer.”