91 – broken, scattered, hated (12)

Happiness to me was like a hazy morning mist.

A handful of muro (霧露) fell on the early morning air that had not yet been visited by dawn.

From a distance, it’s clear, but when you get closer, you can’t catch it.

Even though it’s dreamy, I can’t hold it in my arms.

A piece of deep, deep nothingness.

It was always located about a hand’s span away from where my arm could reach when I stretched out my hand.

The distance between me and happiness was always like that.

.

.

.

The knot of the rough rope is tightly strangling my neck.

“Kuk…! Gagging…!”

Gravity pulls my body down on the rope with all its might,

It makes the hidden vision, which is gradually getting shallower, gradually blur.

“Uhhhh…!”

Only fragments of exhaled breath that could not be breathed intermittently come out from between the tight throat.

The pain-filled sounds that came out sparsely pierced my ears.

‘…..Why did this happen?’

It was a thought that passed for a moment in my consciousness that was getting more and more dazed.

For some reason, the tears flowing down her eyes made her vision even more blurry.

ㅡA little bit is fine. So… why don’t you experience what it’s like to be happy for once…

ㅡI promise you that in my next life you will be happy.

Come to think of it, I shouldn’t have accepted that promise back then.

Instead of putting my finger on my little finger that was sticking out in front of me, I had to cry and beg for it to end this way.

—-Me too… I want to get happiness, not unhappiness.

—-I hope that the unhappy me will be at least a little happy…

It was the wish of a foolish boy who was blinded by vain hopes.

And in the end, it was a hope that was shattered.

‘…Yes, everything may have been my fault from the beginning.’

Since I was born with an unfortunate fate, I dreamed of a happiness that did not fit the fountain.

Maybe he’s paying the price for his arrogance.

The promise of happiness I shared with the goddess was swept away by the waves of misfortune and sank,

The letter ‘Hope’, which was engraved deep in his heart as he started his second life, has turned into a scar fragment consisting of three consonants and two vowels.

“Kuhak…! Gagging…!”

it hurts, it hurts

Traces of pain and loneliness from my previous life were still with me and tormented me.

Wanting to run away from the fragments of the past, I struggled harder with my floating feet.

“……”

However, no matter how much time passed, the breath did not stop.

My mouth was still breathing thinly, and my foolish heart was still beating repeatedly.

It was natural.

There was no way that the body, which had been greatly strengthened by magical powers and training, could stop its life activities simply by hanging itself.

However, the reason why he continues to hang himself despite knowing all these facts…

…..Really sincerely, I wish that this feeble breath would stop.

It was my wish that this chain of infinite unhappiness and suffering would come to an end.

“Gagging…! Guk…!”

let’s die

Let’s go see the goddess again after we die.

And this time, let’s ask for the end of eternal life and the extinction of the soul.

“……”

This is the end of the story I envision in my head.

A little salvation and rest that I want to give to myself who has suffered so far.

‘Yeah… that’s enough. If only I could meet the Goddess…’

It was the time when I was about to close my eyes, resigned like that.

There seemed to be a muffled sound coming from outside the door,

After a while, the closed door opens with a loud noise.

ㅡA jump!

“Bocchan! Are you okay?!”

“Brother! Are you okay?! I suddenly hear something like a moan…?”

Several girls burst into the room.

Rachel, Ariel, Lucy… and Maharet.

As soon as they saw me with urgent expressions, their complexions turned white.

“Rai, Den…?”

In my blurry vision, I could see four pairs of eyes that were starting to tremble.

.

.

.

My memory after that is hazy.

Things were too messy for me to recognize and engrave anything in my head.

All I remember are a few scenes.

As soon as she saw me hanging herself, Rachel rushed over and grabbed me.

Ariel, who burst into tears with a frightened face next to him.

Lucy, who untied the knot around my neck with trembling hands,

Maharet stumbled for a while with a pale complexion, and eventually sat down.

and….

—-Leave this…! let me die… let me die!!

ㅡPlease…! please!!

A boy named Raiden, who cursed and resisted such children.

It seems that me and the children were all insane.

“……”

And, this was the current situation.

It’s like being confined to a bed with your hands and feet tied again.

It was a little different this time, however, that a lot of people, including Rachel and Maharet, were watching me.

“……”

“……”

There was only heavy silence in the room.

The only thing that resonated in the quiet space was the occasional rustling of my body as I tossed and turned, and the small breathing of the children.

In the midst of such suffocating silence, it was none other than Rachel who broke it first.

“….young master.”

“……”

“At least have a little meal… I heard you haven’t eaten anything since the day before yesterday.”

Rachel freed my hands from being tied up and held out a bowl of beef stew that I don’t know where it came from.

I looked at it without a word, twitching my free hands.

“Please… eat at least this, and come to your senses…”

The girl’s shrill voice, as if it was about to break at any moment, echoed pitifully throughout the room.

The surface of the red stew in a small glass bowl sizzles a little.

The girl’s brown eyes, as if passing by in the blurry field of vision, were clearly trembling.

“Bocchan… please…”

Above the red mirror in the bowl, only the black-haired boy was reflected.

The unhappiness in the boy’s eyes pierces deep into the heart once again.

At the horrible sensation, I reflexively slammed the stew bowl Rachel was holding.

“I-I’ll give it to you…! That’s why, if you just open your mouth…!”

ㅡPercussion! Clink!!

A bowl that shatters with a sharp rupture.

The floor of the room with thick red stains as the contents inside spilled out.

I clasped my hands covered in hot stew and lifted my bowed head.

Then, I threw the question to the boys and girls who were looking at me.

“…In the world, why did you… save me?”

“Do, Bocchan…”

The first thing that came out of my open mouth in a few hours was nothing but resentment and resignation.

Resentment toward the children who prevented me from killing myself, and resignation to the path of life that lay before my eyes again.

“I just… should have just left it as it is…”

A feeling of helplessness and hopelessness pressing down on my whole body, I helplessly blurted out my words.

A hot solid line began to run down the cold cheeks again.

As I let my tears fall for a moment, Rachel, pale-faced, grabbed my hand and wept.

“W-Where’s that word, Bocchan…!! Just let me die… What’s that…!”

“…..Rachel.”

I quietly interrupted Rachel and grabbed her sleeve.

He continued talking while looking at himself reflected in his brown eyes.

“Now… I really can’t…”

I just want to run away

To a place where you can comfortably become ashes and scatter.

To a place where you can enjoy eternal rest without having any dreams.

“young master….”

“…I want to finish everything.”

I lowered my head.

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.

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On the other hand, that time heaven.

The absolute god, Tinamius, sitting on a large golden chair.

And 12 white angels standing in a circle next to each other.

In the Great Temple, the place where the Absolute God resides, several women, including Tinamius, were talking in front of a round table.

“Mother, for now, the [Mastiva-No.285] balance in the world is unstable…”

“No, mother. First of all, [Earth-9816] is the first. This is the entire world line, the route of the end…”

“Hmm… There are alien beings on this world line…”

Tinamius let out a shallow sigh as he listened to the frantic reports of the group of angels calling themselves ‘Mother’.

“Whoa… I have so many things to do lately…”

“I’m sorry, mother. The scale of the recent incidents is a bit large… We can’t solve it in line with the angels…”

“It’s okay, child… You didn’t really complain.”

Tinamius stroked the head of the archangel Gabriel, who was stiffly holding the angle, a few times, and then stretched and relaxed his stiff body.

“Come to think of it… everyone just sorted out the paperwork without sleeping for over two weeks.”

“Yes… because most of the other high-ranking angels have been dispatched to the field…”

“Ummm… Take the rest of the children in today. Even servants of God will need a break.”

With such an order, Tinamius bit Gabriel, sat back in the chair, and slightly closed his eyes.

Since she was an absolute god who alone managed over 70 million worlds, she was always short of time, so she had no choice but to take time to rest.

“Haam… Come to think of it, I wonder if that child is doing well…”

After blinking his tired eyes, Tinamius suddenly muttered with his chin on his back.

A boy appeared in her mind.

“I haven’t been able to check it well due to my busy schedule… I guess I should send a message in my spare time.”

Tinamius opened the status window in front of his eyes and coordinated the message signal with the boy.

While thinking about how to say hello to the boy like that.

An unexpected message flashed before her eyes.

ㅡTitling!

[Connect message signals with Raiden Resit!]

ㅡ Beep Big!

[Can’t get signal!]

[There is a problem with the other party’s system or message signal!]

Tinamius looked at the contents engraved on the blue spears and hardened his expression seriously.

This is a paradise where you can communicate with all worlds and send and receive signals.

So what this message means…

“To the system… No, that child has a problem…?”

Tinamius’ eyes began to tremble slightly.