38 – untied knot

“Ugh…”

Falling to the garden floor, I groaned and rubbed my tingling butt.

Fortunately, the ground was soft grass, so I wasn’t hurt.

My tailbone hit the ground and it hurt terribly.

no crazy…

What is it, suddenly?

I was looking at the night sky in the garden,

Suddenly, a wild Lucy appeared and threw a body slam at me.

No, are you going to run into them with your body as soon as they meet without anything?

Isn’t that really too much?

In a moment of irritation, I pushed Lucy who was sitting on top of me and tried to stand up.

With words accompanied by a little nervousness.

“What are you doing all of a sudden? No matter how rude the princess is…”

ㅡTuk, Tuduk…

“…?’

However, my words did not carry on to the end.

As we were talking, wet drops of water fell on my cheeks.

It wasn’t raindrops.

The sky I was looking at just now didn’t even feel shallow moisture, let alone dark clouds.

And these droplets, unlike cold raindrops, had warm warmth.

what? So, where are these drops of water?

I rolled my eyes to find where the drop of water had landed.

Then, I met eyes with Lucy, who was riding on top of me.

I couldn’t help but sigh at the sight of her.

“uh…?”

Lucy, sitting on top of me, looking down at me.

With her gripping the hem of my dress—

“Huh… black… uhh… suck…”

—-Because I was crying sadly.

“Uh… uh… Princess…?”

The unimaginable appearance of Lucy crying,

Unable to comprehend the situation, I called her in a daze.

But Lucy didn’t answer, she just shed tears.

“Huh… Heh…”

“……”

The sound of thin breathing echoes in the garden at night.

Perhaps because the garden was quiet, Lucy’s cries were heard more prominently.

I felt my mind go berserk at the nasal sound digging into my ears.

what? What did I do wrong?

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Lucy cry, even from Raiden’s point of view.

“Huh… Raiden… black…”

“……”

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Judging from the fact that he sadly calls out my name while crying, it seems right that he is crying because of me.

If so, what is the reason?

Did I really really do nothing?

No no, would this be better than that?

I don’t know why, but I made the first princess of the empire cry?

Milliam, what would happen if that nobleman found out about this…?

No matter how much he says he likes me,

Knowing that you made your cherished first daughter cry…

Damn, did you get f*cked?

I hold on to my spinning head,

I don’t know what I did wrong, but I thought I should apologize first.

I lightly grabbed Lucy’s shoulder, who was sitting on top of me, and pulled her body upright.

“Princess… I don’t know what I did wrong, but calm down…”

“Huh… it’s not like that…!”

Lucy shook her head,

He grabbed my hand trying to lift himself up.

A slight tremor came from her hand.

Lucy grabbed my hand tightly, then collapsed on top of me as if her strength was waning.

“Ugh?! Princess?”

Lucy and I ended up lying on the garden floor in an embrace.

I panicked and tried to get up, but Lucy stopped me by holding me tight.

With her face buried in my chest, she patted me and cried.

I could feel the damp water seeping through my clothes.

“Why… why did you do that, you fool…”

“Ah, no. Princess, I’m really not sure what I’m talking about…”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know…!”

“Yes…?”

Let me question the unknown situation,

Lucy raised her eyes and let out an iron sound.

“I know everything…! Everything, everything…!!”

The expression on her face as she looked at me was full of anguish.

“You know everything… what is that…”

“I heard everything from my dad…! Everything about Raiden…!”

“Your Majesty…? What are you talking about…”

Correcting my blind mind, I began to roll my head to grasp the situation.

Milliam said something…?

If it’s about me, what Milliam might say to Lucy…

And if it’s something that Lucy suddenly reacts to like this…

……I can only think of one thing.

no way…

“… have you heard the story of my foolish days…?”

Lucy nodded, wiping away the tears with both hands.

I sighed slightly at that response.

“ah……”

.

.

.

Lucy and I got up and moved to our seats.

Like before, you can’t lie on the floor in that position and continue the conversation.

We sat side by side on white marble chairs placed right in the middle of the garden.

“……”

“……”

Between me and Lucy sitting side by side, a quiet silence flows.

Lucy and I had something to say, but we couldn’t open our mouths.

Probably because neither of them knew what to say.

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Just like that, we sat still and shared only silence.

ㅡPrickle… Prickle…

The void of the garden, where conversation has disappeared, is gently filled with the sound of grass insects and the wind.

The swaying wind of early autumn shakes the branches of the garden.

At the shaking, a few leaves fall.

The rust-colored leaves,

Dancing under the night sky, approaching the ground and hugging it.

And the ground hugs the leaves that fall on you.

“……”

I stared at that friendly landscape with unfocused eyes.

It was because my head was too complicated, and my mind was blank.

So, a few more minutes of silence followed,

When the wind blew again, the eleventh leaf was about to touch the ground.

Lucy opened her mouth.

“Raiden…”

“……Yes, Princess.”

The long and short silence she broke,

It disappears without leaving a single fragment at her word.

Lucy continued with a trembling voice.

“Why… why did you do that…? Why did you do such a stupid thing…”

Her languid voice echoes clearly over the garden, drowning out the minor noises around her.

That clear voice broke Raiden’s heart.

I pressed my chest tight.

Then, for a while, I thought about how to answer Lucy’s question, then raised my head.

“I don’t know… the thought that my mother died because of me…”

I plainly put the feelings that Raiden had felt into my mouth.

“I think I had an obsession to be alone…”

“……”

Lucy bit her lip at my answer.

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Judging by the clenched fists and trembling hands, it seemed that he was trying to hold back the tears that leaked out.

“Now is…?”

Her voice that came out of her throat was already wet.

“Are you still like that…? You still think like that…?”

“No. Not to that extent now.”

“Are you okay…?”

“…It’s not all better, but now I can think normally.”

“……”

Silence once again.

Our conversation couldn’t be continued at once, and it was repeated that it was cut off over and over again.

It was because Lucy took a long time to gather her mind to hold back her tears.

“Then why…”

Lucy breaks the silence once again.

“Then… why didn’t you tell me after you came back…?”

“……”

“You could have told me… that it was for this reason…”

A heartbreaking, choking sound.

I opened my mouth heavily, feeling my heart squeezed by complicated emotions.

“…I thought the princess would hate to see me.”

“why…?”

“Because I’ve done too many bad things to the princess and to the people around me.”

I said that and washed my face dry.

Dear Lucy, in order not to see the expression I am making.

“You idiot… what nonsense is that…”

Lucy looked at me like that and eventually burst into tears she had been holding back.

“How much I missed you…”

—-After you disappeared, after you left me.

ㅡWhenever something frightening happens, I search for you inside,

ㅡEvery time I feel lonely, I mumble your name for no reason,

ㅡWhen I wake up from a nightmare I sometimes have,

“I found you while crying alone…”

She cried and grabbed my arm.

Then he buried his face in my shoulder and said.

“I don’t know how difficult it is for you…”

—-I missed you, resented you, hated you…

“I’m sorry, Raiden… I’m sorry I didn’t know you were sick… I… If only I knew…”

Lucy apologized to me with tears in her eyes.

And that apology hurt Raiden’s heart even more.

Even I, who was only receiving emotions, was so choked that it was difficult to breathe.

I said, rubbing my slightly stiff neck.

“No, princess. It’s not the princess who has to apologize, it’s me…”

Yeah, she wasn’t the one to apologize for.

It was Raiden who hurt her,

It was Raiden who didn’t explain anything to her,

It was also Raiden who left without saying a word.

It was this side that had to apologize.

“I’m sorry, princess…”

“Huh… Swallow… It’s okay… I’m sorry… I’m sorry too…”

I kept my mouth shut as I watched her muttering like that.

It felt like if I opened my mouth now, a ghastly voice would come out.

I bit my lips lightly,

He quietly stretched out his arm and patted her back as she was crying.

“……”

“Huh… suck… black…”

She quietly leaned towards me and took my hand.

I sat with Lucy on the bench until she stopped crying.

.

.

.

And so.

It seemed like it would never be solved

One of the knots Raiden had twisted unraveled.