30 – Blood, Hallucinations, Loneliness, and One Question

The dormitory returned with a profound sense of fatigue.

As soon as I entered the room, I loosened the tie that was tightening my neck.

Then he took off his coat and walked to the bathroom.

“I’ll wash up and come out. Get me some pajamas, Rachel.”

At those words, Rachel, who was holding my coat next to me, tilted her head and asked.

“It’s still early, do you want to go to sleep?”

“Yeah… I’m a little tired…”

“I know.”

“thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

I thanked Rachel for always working hard and entered the bathroom.

Entering the bathroom, the first thing you see is a large mirror.

And a boy standing beyond the mirror.

Dark hair that is so melancholy.

Black eyes that were terribly deep.

He’s not dead, but it’s a bit ambiguous to say he’s alive.

He was a boy I didn’t know.

ㅡClick, shoot aaa…

When the lever connected to the magic tool was pulled, the shower head started spouting cold water.

I quietly closed my eyes and felt the weight of the pouring water droplets.

Cold drops hit my body mercilessly.

Wet your hair by digging it between your hair,

It takes away all the warmth left in the body.

Like the cold words that drove an awl through my heart.

ㅡHey, hey, you know what? In the next class, Narura Kim…

ㅡHey crazy… is that a true story…?

ㅡwow… he really was a bastard…

In my exhausted head, a chilling hallucination is heard.

The words that were addressed to me in my previous life ring clearly in my ears.

ㅡKim Na-ru says it’s a national team, but if it looks like bubbles, it’s a joke haha

ㅡㅡㅇㅋ

ㅡㅡㅇㅋ

ㅡSomething like this… National University…?

In the cold rain that seems to bite my skin, I wash my body.

Roughly shampoo your hair and soap your body.

White clouds rise and cover my body.

ㅡMove faster, more!

ㅡAre you just this tired?

—-A piece of trash.

Among the loud voices,

The voices heard at the academy today are mixed.

ㅡHeehee…!

ㅡHey, hey, quickly! Hurry up…!!

ㅡDon’t make eye contact…!

I ask those voices.

what did i do…

What did I do that you look at me like that…?

I protected you…?

He saved you guys while being pierced by an arrow and gaining weight from a knife?

As I was mercilessly soaping, the bubbles that swelled to their fullest extent were covering my body before I knew it.

I looked at the bubbles for a while,

—-Ah, you devil…!!

Soon after, he started wiping them off.

-Bakbakbakbakbak-

Continue until your skin turns red and you feel a sharp pain in your flesh.

-Bakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbak-

With the momentum to peel off all the skin on his body.

For some reason, if you wipe your body like this,

I felt like I could get rid of all the misfortunes attached to my body.

—-Look over there…! That crazy bastard…!!

ㅡSir Pal, let’s go the other way.

-Bakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbak-

ㅡ f*cking baby, please go out.

ㅡThat’s why, I really f*cking hate it.

-Bakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbakbak-

ㅡKim Na-ru frothed and eventually got kicked out in the finals, right?

ㅡㄹㅇ Haha 10 to 0 is a real legend…

ㅡHave you followed Kim Na-ru’s mother? After making it to the finals, it was 10 to 0.

ㅡShe really looked after her mother.

ㅡAh that’s right

ㅡ These f*cking crazy bastards haha

-Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park

My brain is shaken and confused.

The auditory hallucinations, which used to be heard separately, now come together to sing a terrible chorus.

ㅡSo he…

ㅡKim Na-ru bubbling~ ㅋ ㅋ ㅃ~

—-Hey, crazy, it’s passing by!

—-Ah, the devil…!!

ㅡYou trash man, you are not my son.

-Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park,Park

My arm, which wiped my whole body like crazy,

-Titling!

[Skill ‘Spirit of Iron’ nullifies your status ailments (trauma, hallucinations, self-torture, depression… and 5 others).]

It stopped only after the iron spirit was activated.

“haha…”

The rest of the movement too violently, the breath that fills up slightly.

I spit out the shower water that had been splashed into my mouth and looked down at my body.

Even though I wiped it so strongly, so endlessly,

The leather on my body was still attached to my body.

and my misfortune too,

It was still engraved on my body.

I looked at my right arm, where the tingling pain was transmitted.

“……”

His right arm was scarred because he wiped it too hard.

Tiny droplets of blood gushed out between the tiny fingernail marks.

I looked at the drops of blood and put my right arm into the shower.

-Shoot ah…

Drops of blood were swept away without a trace when touched by the strong stream of water.

I let go of my arm with a little satisfaction.

But when I took my arm out of the shower, drops of blood gushed out again as if I had waited.

I kept putting my arms in and out of the shower to get them off.

But no matter how many times I repeat it, no matter how many times I erase it,

When I removed my arm from the shower, drops of blood poked out its head.

I laughed at the sight and shook my head.

It’s a natural story.

Until I die, the blood flowing through my body will not stop.

It keeps moving, circulating through my body.

The same goes for misfortune.

Misfortune spins around me and pulls me to the bottom.

He grabs my wrists and ankles and pulls me down.

And that touch will continue until I die.

misfortune to me

Even if you try to take it off, you can’t take it off,

No matter where you run, you will eventually be caught.

Unpleasant life companion.

I grabbed my empty, echoing head as the hallucinations dissipated.

I had a slight headache, and my head was dizzy.

– Click…

Raise the lever of the shower head, pick up a towel and wipe yourself.

Wounds on the body are also wiped well so that no blood can be seen.

While I was so busy moving the towel, the mirror caught my eye once again.

“……”

In the mirror, a boy was still standing.

And he was still a boy I didn’t know.

.

.

.

After taking a shower, I put on the pajamas Rachel had prepared for me, and immediately threw myself on the bed.

-dump…

When my body touches it, the bed slides down.

Feeling the soft texture, I hugged the blanket.

I didn’t want to think about anything.

I just wanted to fall asleep without thinking.

I tossed and turned and dug deeper and deeper into the blanket.

As if trying to hide from something, desperately.

I crouched down in the middle of the bed and quietly closed my eyes.

As the vision was cut off, in the empty room, only the sound of the clock hanging on the wall sounded quietly.

ㅡ tick tock

The second hand ran through the discs engraved with numbers, reminding me that time was passing.

As I closed my eyes listening to the sound, a certain emotion began to bloom inside me.

My heart ached slightly.

Even with the blanket over me, I felt cold.

My head is tingling,

Her hand, which had been still until just now, gripped the hem of the blanket.

I knew what this feeling was.

Because it was the feeling I felt the most in my previous life.

This feeling was loneliness.

Loneliness accompanied by a feeling of helplessness.

I thought it was a feeling that disappeared neatly after coming to this world.

It didn’t disappear, it just seemed to be hiding for a while.

The emotion that appeared in front of me after a long time slowly melted into my body.

My body sucked it up like a sponge, and my body was wet with the feeling of loneliness.

I was about to shout

Asking for help, don’t leave me alone.

This loneliness hurts so much.

I don’t want to go through it again.

I tried to shout so that even Rachel outside the room could hear me.

However, the mouth did not move.

The body, which had already fallen into helplessness, had forgotten how to move on its own.

I screamed inwardly, sinking into a sea of loneliness.

depth.

deeper.

So deep that there is no bottom to sink in.

Read at noblemtl. com

Just like that, I sink and sink, just before I loom the bottom of loneliness,

ㅡ smart

Someone knocked on my door

“Bocchan, are you sleeping…?”

It was Rachel’s voice from outside the door.

I tried to answer her question, but my mouth hardly moved.

“I’ll go in…”

ㅡ Kiki profit…

Rachel opens the door and walks in even though I didn’t answer.

After she entered the room, my body started moving again.

I removed the blanket I was covering and opened my eyes.

When I opened my eyes, what I saw was Rachel, who had changed from her maid outfit into pajamas.

Pajamas in light colors felt a bit cute.

Even though the nightgown was a bit on the loose side, her flowing curves were exposed in places.

When her brown eyes met mine, she asked slightly startled.

“Have you been sleeping…?”

“…No, I was awake.”

“Huhm, then I’m glad!”

At the word that she was awake, Rachel sat down on the bed with a bright smile.

I followed her, lifted my lying body, and sat down.

“What happened all of a sudden…?”

“What’s wrong! Bocchan, what if you don’t even dry your hair to sleep!”

Rachel pointed to my hair and said.

At that, I put my hand on my head.

There was really a lot of moisture left in my hair.

It looks like it didn’t dry properly when I dried it earlier.

I thought so and brushed my hair with my hands.

Then Rachel screamed in fright.

“Hey, wait a minute! You have to wipe it with a towel!!”

“…It’s annoying.”

“Sit down! I’ll dry you off!”

“Yes……”

Rachel gets a towel from the living room, sits me down, and starts drying my hair.

A dry towel runs through wet hair, gently brushing off the water.

Receiving Rachel’s gentle touch, I kept my mouth shut.

Her touch, oozing with tenderness,

through the towel to my hair,

through my hair to my scalp,

It reached my heart through my scalp.

It felt like the helplessness and loneliness that had been engulfing me just now had been washed away.

I felt secure and comfortable with him.

At the same time, I felt uneasy.

I remembered clearly what kind of eyes the people who looked at me today were looking at me.

I also clearly remembered what they were talking about when they saw me.

They feared me, loathed me, hated me.

Wouldn’t Rachel be the same?

She’s always kind to me, but on the inside, wouldn’t she also be looking at me with contempt and disgust?

Rachel has plenty of reasons to hate Raiden.

After Raiden turned into an idiot, the one he treated the most severely was Rachel.

Because he didn’t try to turn his back on Raiden until the end,

Because it was she who was bullied the most by Raiden.

When I thought of that, I bit my lip.

Rachel is the person I’ve been closest to since I came to this world.

She always smiles brightly and supports me,

If the truth is that you hate me deeply…

Can I stay sane?

“You should dry your hair well before going to sleep~ The pillow smells like water.”

Rachel is drying her hair while talking softly.

I mumbled for a moment, then opened my mouth.

“……Rachel.”

“So, the hair… Huh?”

Rachel stopped talking and answered my call.

I asked quietly with a trembling voice.

“You… do you hate me…?”

“yes…?”

“You… do you hate me…”

“……Why do you think so?”

Rachel asked my question in a more subdued voice.

The high-pitched voice I had heard earlier disappeared, and when I heard a low-pitched voice, my stomach trembled even more.

I said what I was thinking with my mouth leaking slurred because my tongue was stiff.

“Before I disappeared, so… when I was still a fool, you were the one who bothered me the most…”

“So it is.”

“Even people I’ve never seen before hate me, but if you were directly bullied by me…”

“Do you really hate the young master?”

“Uh… uh…”

I nodded, and Rachel looked at me with a slightly heavy expression.

Rachel, whose usual childlike smile had disappeared, felt slightly frightened.

ㅡGulp…

As I swallowed his dry saliva,

Rachel smiled and relaxed her expression.

“young master.”

“……yes.”

“How could I hate you, the young master?”

ㅡ Mr. Doryun,

“You are the one who saved my life from despair.”

Rachel said that and smiled brightly.

It was her usual, flawless, clean smile.

She asked me, gently brushing my curled hair.

“Do you remember back in the day? How me and the boy met.”