104 – Stand up, advance, love (part 1 completed)

So, time passed again.

After the day I kissed Rachel in the late evening darkness and twilight moonlight.

I was busy every day trying to keep the promise I had made with the brown-haired girl.

—-I won’t try to run away anymore.

ㅡI promise you, Rachel. Not only now, but in the future, I will be by your side.

A promise not to run away from the dark life.

Its beginning was to face the mistakes I had made in the past.

‘I’m sorry for all this time.’

For the past few days, I’ve been apologising.

I visited the employees who had been harmed by me one by one and offered a sincere apology.

He was not afraid to kneel down if necessary.

To show that it is different from the past days.

To let you know that the boy from the past that you all remembered has returned.

I lived diligently every day,

He wandered around the mansion and helped the servants with their work.

Laundry, cleaning, food preparation, dishes, etc…

It wasn’t a job that the eldest son of a duchy would take on, but he didn’t mind at all.

Because I thought these things were also the atonement I had to shoulder.

Because I thought it was a process to receive love again from you who I pushed away.

ㅡDo, Bocchan… You don’t have to go this far.

—-It’s because we’re burdened, if it’s the past, it’s fine now…

ㅡThat’s right, young master, take a break…. You’ve been working too hard lately.

Fortunately, my sincerity reached me.

At first, the servants who were wary of me and behaved hard began to open up to me little by little.

As much as I spend my daily life busy, time also passed quickly like riding the wind,

The time that passed like that reached the point where the academy’s start of school was about two weeks away.

December is running towards the end.

Now that the end of the year is right around the corner, I was spending time with the people around me.

“So, my brother at that time… won first place in the academy practice sparring…!”

“Heh heh, are you really talking about the young master?”

“That’s right, old man!”

“Raiden at the academy… Hmm, that’s unexpected.”

In a space where warm warmth and soft light melt, three people who are blooming in a harmonious story.

I was sitting at a desk a little away from them, looking at them.

If you quietly chew on the voices ringing in your ears and sip the coffee the old man gave you,

Rachel, who was seated next to me, starts talking to me.

“It’s already the end of the year… Time flies so quickly.”

“Yeah… Maybe it’s because there was so much going on, it passed in the blink of an eye.”

“Are you okay these days? It’s like nightmares or hallucinations…”

“Well, it’s still the same. Things like this don’t get better easily.”

“Hmm… I guess so.”

Rachel’s expression darkened slightly at my words.

In response to her response, I smiled lightly and said in a soft voice.

“Don’t worry, I think I’m a little better than before.”

“really…?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Then I’m glad.”

It was a lie, of course.

The scars in her heart that had been formed during her past life, which was spread by despair and misfortune, could not be erased so easily.

Although he has been living a peaceful life lately, the nightmares and traumas that come every night are still the same.

But, nonetheless.

I raised the corners of my mouth to smile as if I was okay.

With this insignificant smile, I want you, who is standing in front of me right now, to be a little reassured.

“It will get better and better in the future.”

I believe so.

I want to believe that

try to believe that

“Everything will be fine.”

“Of course it should.”

Rachel, who waited for me unchangingly after I disappeared.

Ariel and Lucy who hugged me tightly when I returned.

My father and Gilbert made me realize that I can still be loved.

Even for the sake of those who held my unbalanced, staggering hand, I had to move toward hope.

That is the only repayment and atonement I can give.

It must be the best and greatest gratitude I can express to my mother who left me in this world.

“……”

I put down the coffee cup I was holding, calmly clearing out the thoughts that were running through my head.

Then, he carefully moved his free hand and grabbed Rachel’s hand, who was standing next to him.

“young master…?”

The warmth you feel at your fingertips.

Rachel’s hand was so warm that the heat of the coffee cup she was holding just now was colorless.

I said quietly putting a pod in my hand.

“Thank you, Rachel.”

“Whoa… aren’t you saying thank you too often these days?”

“is it.”

At the bright girl’s words, I let out a shy smile and averted my gaze.

As he fiddled with the small flame in his hand, his face flushed red as he recalled the memories of the past kissing the girl.

“……”

“Bocchan, did your face turn red?”

“Noisy…”

i was crazy

Why did you suddenly kiss me then…

I sighed softly and covered my flushed face with the other hand.

While biting my lips like that for a while, I was holding a lukewarm silence in my mouth.

Ariel, who was sitting on the sofa in the center of the room, jumped up and ran toward the window as if she had discovered something.

“It’s snowing! It’s snowing!”

“Heh heh, it’s true. It’s the first snow of the year.”

When I turn my head and look out the window, I see a landscape where white snowflakes are falling from the dark sky.

The first snow of this winter.

At the scent of the season that came unexpectedly, I let go of my calm feelings and put the white dust in my eyes.

“Brother, let’s go outside tomorrow! Let’s go see the snow after a long time!”

Ariel said as she turned to me.

I smiled weakly for a moment in my twinkling red eyes, then nodded.

“Yeah… then. I had a place I had to go to.”

“Where to go? Where is it?”

“It must be a place you know.”

I gave a vague answer to Ariel, who tilted her head, and then looked out the window.

Between the snow clouds blooming in the night sky, the blue moonlight was leaking sparsely.

Capturing the snowflakes dancing fluttering in the soft lighting, I chewed on small thoughts.

.

.

.

early the next morning.

Nie, Ariel, and Rachel left the mansion neatly dressed.

Maybe it’s been a while, if I’m fiddling with my tie while wearing a suit that feels a bit awkward,

Ariel, who was walking beside me, asked me a question.

“So Oppa, where are we going? Dressed up neatly like this.”

“……”

Come to think of it, yesterday I was just evasive and didn’t tell you.

I opened my mouth as I looked down at the red-haired girl walking by, holding my hand tightly.

“It’s not that far away… Forest of rest, I’m going there.”

“ah….”

When the word ‘forest of rest’ came out of my mouth, Ariel let out a dumb voice.

She put on a blank expression for a moment, then came to her senses and began to look at me.

I patted the girl’s head while smiling at the red eyes that licked my lips and glanced at me.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”

“However….”

“And because it was a place I would visit someday.”

I deliberately spoke calmly.

To hide the trembling inside.

A place we had to stop by someday, we were now moving towards that place.

ㅡSabaksabak….

Every time I take a step, piled snow touches my feet.

The snowflakes that had fallen the night before had become a thin tent and covered the whole world in white.

I walked along the white paved road holding Rachel and Ariel’s hands.

After a while, the white footprints reached their destination.

Staring at the small forest spreading out in front of us, we paused for a moment.

“I have arrived…”

“yes…”

Forest of Rest.

A small forest owned by the Lisit family.

Various types of trees and flowers bloom throughout the four seasons, and this place exuding the beauty of nature,

It was a place where only members of the Lysitt family knew about the most beautiful snow scene in the world.

and….

It was also the place where my deceased mother was sleeping.

“Let’s go, don’t stand there blankly.”

“…..yes.”

“…..yes.”

Sabaksabak….

With the sound of snowballs crunching, as you cross the bare trees.

In the midst of the pure white landscape, a lonely tombstone stands out.

We approached it in silence.

On top of the light gray tombstone, only a few lines of sentences inscribed in straight letters remained.

[The most brilliant flower in the empire]

-Philippa Lysitt, Sleeps Here-

“……”

I held my breath for a moment as I looked at my mother, whom I hadn’t seen in a long time.

Although it was very different from the image of her in my memory, it was definitely my mother.

ㅡCome here, my baby.

ㅡWhoops…. You’ve become a child these days, you’ll soon become an adult…

ㅡRaiden, my mother really loves you.

The old voices of the past brush my ears.

I had to put the traces you left behind in my eyes and try not to spill out the overflowing emotions inside.

“Bocchan, are you okay…?”

“…..I’m fine.”

“Take this, the boy should do it.”

“Yeah… Thanks, Rachel.”

What the brown-haired girl handed over was none other than a bottle of wine.

I looked at the red bottle while chewing on my complicated feelings, and then quietly accepted it.

The cold air running through my fingertips made me shiver slightly.

“Whoa…”

Taking a deep breath, I unscrew the cork.

Stand up straight and hold a bottle of wine.

The place where the gaze is directed is a gray tombstone.

Seeing my mother standing undisturbed even in the bitter cold, I slightly raised the corners of my mouth.

An awkward smile hangs on your lips.

“It’s been a while, mother…”

A hazy greeting spreads through the winter air.

In the corner of my eyes, I slightly bit my lip and continued talking.

“It’s the first time I’ve been visiting since the funeral… I’m sorry, things have been a bit complicated.”

ㅡWell, but I think I’m a little better now.

“Now I’ve decided to stop hurting myself.”

like i’m looking at you right now

are you looking at me too

above the sky from the other side of the world.

Breathing heavily, I wonder if I am looking down at myself as I am running on the road of life.

if so….

“It’s thanks to my mother. The reason I’m alive like this, and the reason I can dream of the future with hope…”

I wanted you to accept this humble thank you.

A little tribute to your love that I couldn’t say when I was young and foolish.

“Haha… It’s the first time I’ve said something like this. Every time I went looking for my mother, I just complained about why she sacrificed herself for me.”

With a bitter smile, I tipped the bottle I was holding onto the tombstone.

The liquid pouring out through the small holes covers the top of the tombstone and reddens the gray surface.

Carrying the smell of alcohol wafting from the tip of my nose into my heart, I muttered quietly.

“Thank you, Mother. I really wanted to say this…”

Pouring wine on an old tombstone in the Empire has two main meanings.

The first is to remember the blood of the departed and the sacrifice.

The second means that you will not forget the existence of the person you miss for the rest of your life.

“I’ll remember…and, I won’t forget…”

I made a quiet promise in front of my mother who didn’t answer.

I will remember your blood and sacrifice that saved my life by throwing my whole body.

I will never forget the longing for you who loved me, for the rest of my life.

“Please watch over me, mother…”

It’s still very clumsy and difficult, but I’ll try my best.

I will be clumsy and have a hard time in the future, but I will not give up now.

live and live

I live like a tenacious person so that I don’t have any more stupid regrets.

When time passes and the time comes to be held in your arms,

To the extent that I can run towards you with a bright smile without a drop of tear.

.

.

.

“Whoa… I’m back.”

“Ugh… As expected, home is the best. It’s so hard and cold outside.”

“I agree.”

“Brother… my leg hurts…”

The house where I came back after seeing my mother.

We each let out a shrill groan and massaged our sore legs.

Perhaps it was because I hadn’t been out in a while, a fairly heavy recoil tormented my body.

As I sat on the sofa to calm my throbbing legs for a while, Gilbert approached me and handed me a letter.

“Brother, I have sent you a letter from the Philor family.”

“Um…? From the Philor family?”

I tilted my head at the name that suddenly popped out and accepted it.

Letter paper sealed with luxurious patterns and stamps.

Above it was the name ‘Rayman Pilar’ written in small letters.

If it’s Rayman… he’s the head of the Duke of Pilor.

It’s not Maharet, the duke sent me a message directly…?

I looked at the Philor family seal engraved on the letter for a moment, then carefully broke the seal.

ㅡTuduk…

A piece of paper sticking out from between the stationery with a single break.

What was written on the paper was as follows:

“invitation”

[To my dear eldest son of the Duke of Lissit, Leiden Lissit]

– Hello.

-I don’t know how long it will take to send you a letter.

-The last time I exchanged a marriage breakup with my daughter, so it’s been about 2 years.

-Please forgive me for suddenly sending you a call like this after no news last time.

-And about the rude favor I will ask of you from now on in this sentence.

– I’ll tell you straight forward.

-I would like you to visit the mansion of the Philor family.

– My daughter’s condition is not normal.

-I can’t even eat properly, and I’m sick while moaning alone.

– I heard that it has something to do with you.

-Please, could you come and see your daughter just once?

– Please.

[From Rayman Pilar, the head of the Pilar family]

“Bocchan, this is…”

“…It looks like I’ll have to prepare a wagon.”

I folded the paper I had finished reading and put it in the stationery, and said that to Gilbert, who was standing there blankly.

Recalling the texture of the remaining paper with my fingertips, I quietly stood up.

It was time to untie the knots that had not yet been untied.

the story is,

It had only just begun.