0 – what does this mean…

knife.

it was my life

A sword that is sharpened to the limit and emits a dangerous brilliance.

18 hours of training and 5 hours of sleep each day.

A life that repeats the routine like a machine, without saying anything.

A life like hell that has been going on since I was 12 years old.

It was my father who forced that life on me.

My father was a world-class kendo player.

My father, who once held the highest position in the world, wanted me, his son, to reach that position as well.

It’s a common parental greed-

There were a lot of parts that were a little twisted to dismiss it as -.

Followed by beatings for every mistake.

Abuse in the name of sparring.

The cold gaze that flies every time I collapse from exhaustion.

Time to print out malicious comments floating around the Internet every day and force them to read them.

My father used various methods to throw me into pain.

Even in such a hellish life, I endured.

I lived.

I thought everything my father did for me was for me.

Because my father loves me

It’s because my father loves me.

I thought so .

‘If I become number one in the world, my father will laugh again.’

I went through hell with that thought.

Cutting, cutting, and torturing yourself.

I hoped that someday the time would come when I could put a smile on my father’s lips.

However, I soon realized that it was nothing more than my delusion.

Having been proudly selected for the national team as a kendo player, I went on to compete in world competitions.

The enemy did not exist.

Compared to the times I endured, the opponents were so soft and lukewarm.

Winning streak like that, step by step, step by step

I reached out my hand desperately toward the goal that was almost out of reach.

And, the finals of the world competitions reached beyond all hurdles.

Even before I stood on the pitch, I was full of joy.

‘Finally I can see my father’s smile.’

‘I can repay my father’s love for me.’

With such a faint smile on her face, she reached the final stage.

A 10-year dream that has been going on since I was 12 years old.

At the thought of making that dream come true, I grabbed the sword with joy like a child.

And the finals that follow.

A dream I gave my all to.

A dream that was carried on only for my father.

On the final stage to put an end to that dream-

-I was miserably defeated.

without inflicting a single blow on the opponent.

We lost with an absurd score of 10-0.

I remember the look in my opponent’s eyes as they looked at me as I took off my helmet after the game.

His eyes seemed to say ‘It’s easy’ or ‘It’s nothing special’.

It felt like the life I had built up was being denied.

However, my misfortune did not end there.

After the game, he forgot to take off his helmet, and entered the changing room.

Waiting for me there was my father with contempt in his eyes.

He looked at me for a moment, then uttered just one word.

“You trash. You are not my son.”

With those words, my father left the locker room.

I looked behind him and reached out my hand.

However, hands that do not reach.

He walked down the aisle and never looked back at me.

Looking at my bare hand, I asked in vain.

why…?

why are you leaving…?

I’ve been dreaming for you for 10 years…

I lived for your greed for 10 years…

Why are you abandoning me…?

Due to the difference of 1 rank, I couldn’t get to 1st place…?

Because I can’t be the best like you…?

Because I let go of your expectations…?

‘Or why…’

“ah……”

I muttered to myself, but soon realized something and collapsed.

“You… you didn’t love me from the beginning…”

I lived for you, but you didn’t…

I sat blankly and wept.

I realized that I had lived for my father for half my life, but it was a false delusion.

My life has been in denial

Everything I’ve done so far has been futile.

With that thought in mind, I decided to let go of everything.

[2nd place in world kendo, national team player. Suicide by jumping from the roof of a building…]

this was my death

The time marked by lies and delusions strangled my neck and pushed me to death.

Falling off the roof, I wished

If, as they say, there is such a thing as the next life.

I wish it hadn’t been given to me.

Even the one life I experienced this time was too much for me.

I prayed that the next life would not exist.

I shed tears and closed my eyes.

……

…it must have been.

[You possessed ‘Leiden Lisit’, the eldest son of the Duke of Lisitt!]

what does this mean…