145. under the chandelier (6)

How did you get here, why did you find yourself, and where are the people you were with? Theodora had a pile of things she wanted to ask this person who appeared right in front of her. I didn’t know what to say, I hated the mumbled lips. Where did the attitude of admonishing herself that there was still time to talk to him go?

“Shall we walk together for a while?”

I felt like I was caught in a hurry. Theodora nodded to Maxim, who spoke to her in a sweet and gentle voice. Theodora walked first as if leading the way, and Maxim quickly followed her.

First off, it was awkward.

Theodora had never felt this way in her life. It wouldn’t have been as awkward as this when talking to someone I’ve never seen before. The storm that had inexorably separated them had already calmed down, but the distance it separated still seemed distant. Theodora spoke to Maxim, who was walking slowly by her side, and mumbled several times, but failed.

‘I can’t think of what to say.’

Theodora sighed lightly, looking across from Maxim so he wouldn’t hear.

Do you think the same as me? Theodora looked at Maxim beside him again with eyes full of complex emotions. As the day cleared and the moonlight fell softly, Maxim’s eyes seemed to shine together with the moonlight. Normally, I would have sang a little hum while walking around alone, but now I have to worry about not inadvertently singing that song.

How have you been? Is your body okay?

With my fiancé, they seemed to get along just fine.

Theodora mumbled, holding the words that did not come out as voices. There were no easy words to ask. If he brought two knives, it might be easier for the two of them to talk.

“How was the prom?”

It was a stupid question. Theodora blinked and picked the words out of her head. Should I say that I kept watching what you were doing and then went out after a few drinks? Shall I say that I was sitting in a daze, ignoring all the nobles who spoke to me in the middle?

“No big deal. Just have a little drink alone in a corner.”

When I said it, I felt that my situation was pitiful, and my face flushed. The members of the Knights of the Ravens, who were usually close to each other, could not attend the ball this time.

“I like to listen to music and that’s it.”

In fact, the music didn’t even reach my ears, but Theodora had nothing to say, so she added.

“How about dancing?”

Maxim asked in an uncertain voice. Theodora pondered the question the high and low of her voice had. Was it because she was worried that there was no one by her side and that she had just passed by watching this prom? Or, are you worried that you haven’t danced with someone?

“I didn’t dance.”

Theodora’s mouth gave an immediate answer, contrary to the complex thoughts of her head. Maxim raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“You said the nobles around you just left you alone?”

Theodora, realizing that the emotion in her voice was not just surprise, answered Maxim’s question again with a little joy.

“I received several invitations, but I just ignored them all.”

I don’t know how many times it can be counted, but it wasn’t important to Theodora right now to talk about dance requests from all the nobles whose faces she couldn’t even remember. Theodora looked at Maxim. It was an eye with a complicated heart somewhere.

“You seem to have fun dancing.”

Theodora said in a timid voice. An emotion close to jealousy, which should not be revealed now, was at the bottom of that voice. The sight of Marion and Maxim dancing was certainly beautiful even for Theodora to see. Marion looked up at Maxim with twinkling eyes, lowered her head, met her eyes, and smiled softly.

Maxim, answering Theodora’s words, had half-downed eyes, and the corners of his mouth were twisting little by little as if in pain.

“… You were watching.”

“Everyone in the banquet hall was staring.”

Unknowingly, the way I answered became cold. It shouldn’t be like this. I need to answer more calmly and casually. Theodora hated words that did not follow her heart.

“Come to think of it, you didn’t like dancing that much.”

Maxim said so in a low voice. It seemed as if he was speaking to Theodora, or as if he was speaking to Maxim himself. Sword dance rather than dance.

“I didn’t even like banquets that much. Aren’t you like that too?”

Because I don’t have many good memories. The only ball that could be said to be good for Theodora was the one she attended during her academy days. That was the first and last dance for Theodora. Maxim nodded slowly.

“yes. I’ve never been to a banquet in the first place.”

“Still, there was once when I thought the banquet was fun. At the academy, just once.”

Maxim’s eyes narrow. Theodora deliberately refused to look at Maxim’s expression. Just, as the darkness of night pushed his back, he only told me a little honestly.

“I was able to recall that time as a pleasant memory because you were by my side.”

“… yes.”

I’m not alone like today, because you were holding my hand. Theodora glanced up at the half-stricken Maxim, then sighed and looked back. That pleasant memory was a heartbreaking memory, and now it is a memory that leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.

Silence flows between the two. Sabaksabak. Only the sound of footsteps on the grass filled the empty night air. The sound of people clamoring to see the soon-to-be-started fireworks can also be heard faintly, as if it were from a very far place.

‘Did I just say that?’

Theodora reproached herself inwardly. The awkwardness felt by Theodora seemed to increase in size as the silence lengthened. Neither the garden at night nor the occasional moth that flew past my nose came into sight as it spun around.

Could it be that we just broke up while walking like this? Theodora’s heart pounded with nervousness. As the walk continued, Theodora’s agitated mind slowly subsided like tea leaves sinking under a teacup.

“… A story I couldn’t tell back then.”

Maxim opened his mouth. In the cold night air, Maxim’s words came through clearly.

“Can we talk now?”

Theodora nodded. The two of them sat down on a bench next to a beautiful tree without asking anyone first. Theodora looked at Maxim, who had an expression as if he was trying to choose something.

“Roberto is your father… It was Leon Benning’s.”

The story of Roberto’s betrayal and his rescue by his master after wandering while holding the dying Christine. Christine is kidnapped to the Mage Tower and rendezvous with the King. The story of rescuing Marion from the east, the story of returning to the palace with the name Arsene Bern, the story of meeting Adeline and rescuing Christine.

Theodora bit her lip as she watched Maxim calmly tell her what had happened. It seemed that his efforts could not be compared to the hardships Maxim had gone through.

“Sorry.”

Theodora, who had listened to Maxim’s story, could only say that apology. Even though everything was lost, Maxim was slowly regaining the lost time and relationship.

“I… .”

what can i say I tried my best to find you. In order not to succumb to my father’s plan, I fought to protect the remaining members of the Raven Knights somehow. To Maxim, who now met his eyes, even if he said anything to Theodora, it would feel like nothing but an excuse to protect his pride.

“thanks.”

And the answer I heard from Maxim was an unexpected thank you.

“It disappeared on its own, and while talking to you, there were still a lot of things to solve.”

A sad expression appeared on Maxim’s face.

“Anyway, until I come back. Thanks for holding out. Thank you for not breaking down.”

Why does he always give the right answer? Theodora’s voice trembled a little.

“… From that day on, I have never forgotten you, not even for an hour.”

So I was able to endure it.

Maxim smiled bitterly. Their relationship couldn’t be written like this. In the end, even after turning around and meeting again, only this bitter aftertaste remained. Maxim, who had been silent for a while, opened his mouth.

“Actually, I still have some regrets.”

Theodora tilted her head.

“regret?”

“At that time, if I hadn’t said goodbye to you. If only I had revealed the truth to you at the risk of everything that would happen after that.”

The distance between Maxim and Theodora’s shoulders. About a span and a half. It was the closest they could be. Maxim lowered his eyes and looked at the empty space. A distance that could not have existed originally. For Maxim and Theodora, this distance seems too far.

“Your fate and mine would have been different, I mean.”

Wouldn’t it have been less likely to hurt your chest? Wouldn’t there be something we had to keep this distance from?

Theodora shook her head at Maxim’s words.

“It’s not something you’ll regret, that’s it.”

I, who didn’t try to look back at you any more, shouldn’t I have to regret that I really let you cut off just because you were trying to cut it off.

And the two looked at each other.

We are all regretting it.

Even though I regret it, I was struggling to move forward.

Their eyes were saying that. Neither Maxim nor Theodora dared to open their mouths. Just, you can’t dismiss the old days as nothing. Because there are still many issues that need to be addressed.

“There is one thing I do not regret.”

Maxim said. Theodora turned to Maxim and faced him. The distance between them is one span. If you stretch out your hand, if you raise your arm resting on the bench, you can reach it right away.

“what is that?”

“The very fact of meeting you.”

In this messed up twisted story, the only thing that could be said to be right was the beginning. We can’t go back to the beginning.

Should I start over again?

Theodora held out her hand, which had been clenched into a fist, from her chest. Maxim, unable to understand the meaning of the hand, looked at Theodora’s outstretched hand.

“handshake.”

What is a handshake for? I didn’t mean to leave the past behind and leave behind everything that happened between them. I needed a feeling. I needed reassurance. I needed the conviction that I could continue, the certainty that promises that severance is not the end.

Maxim took Theodora’s hand.

Come to think of it, have you ever shaken hands like this before? In that unfamiliar feeling, Theodora rose from her seat. The impatience and shadows cast over his face seemed to have been erased.

“Shall we walk a little longer?”

Theodora recommended it. It would be okay to greet the New Year together. Maxim rose from his seat, led by Theodora’s hand.

“Let’s walk a little longer.”

walked again The backyard was quite large, but I don’t know how many laps I ran. Theodora smiled a little, as if she suddenly thought this situation was funny.

By the time the two of them were walking in the backyard with such a feeling of taking a walk, Theodora suddenly felt a gaze and looked to her side.

“yes?”

Maxim was quietly looking at himself. The footsteps of the two stopped. The rustle and the sound of stepping on the grass also stops. In the time when everything seemed to have stopped, Maxim and Theodora were looking at each other.

She wasn’t even looking in the mirror, but Theodora could see that her pupils were shaking. Moonlight descends from the tops of their heads, caressing them. To Theodora, Maxim’s face was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

didn’t speak No, it is more accurate to say that it could not be done. Theodora, who faced those golden eyes with writings in the moonlight, was usually at a loss for words. The first time I met him at the gymnasium, the first time we spent the night together, the time we exchanged swords, the time we said goodbye in the snowy gymnasium, and the time when we met again, sword-to-blade in the rain.

I always seem to have become a person trapped in your eyes.

you make me stop like this again

Dark clouds in your eyes were always quietly lurking in different shapes and colors. There were times when the bonfire was turned off and the warmth was the color of ashes, other times it was the color of an infinitely cold blade, and other times it was the color of the morning mist quietly rising over the lake.

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Now Theodora’s eyes were swirling with confusion. Midnight clouds with moonlight. It soaks up the flowing rainwater and invites me in, making my eyes wet as well. The wind blows your grumpy hair little by little, and your lips part slightly.

Unraveling the story of the past and talking about the present. I can not do it. You attract me, and I am irresistibly drawn to you. I have no choice but to stare blankly at the eyes that insist on looking at me.

“Today, you are pretty.”

I had no choice but to say that. He did not know how his words would resonate with her. Eyes continue to vibrate. I don’t know how her complexion changes in the dark. Theodora, hearing Maxim’s words, blinked as if she had misunderstood.

say it’s pretty

A few years ago, it was a phrase I had heard so much that scabs landed on my ears. Of course, every time I heard it, Theodora’s heart beat loudly with joy, but it didn’t feel like I was used to it basically. pretty, beautiful It’s just a familiar word, just, it could be a word that came out of habit.

By the way, did that simple statement make my heart tremble this much? An uncontrollable heartbeat throbbed through Theodora’s body, as when she had heard those words from him for the first time. His face was flushed with redness. The rising blush and urge overlap. Theodora moved closer.

“… again.”

The first voice I heard was small. What kind of expression was he making when he casually asked for it? Even when he tried to smile, his expression stiffened with tension, and his face was stained unnaturally bright red.

Theodora raised her head.

Just this time, is it okay if I pamper you again?

“Listen to me one more time.”

Theodora’s hand touched Maxim’s collar. What have you been looking for, what have you been longing for? The hand that had been wandering without knowing finally grasped the collar as if it had found the correct answer.

“Pretty.”

I wanted to hear it. I missed those words that were being told to myself. He missed the gentle melting whispers, those eyes that only he could see. Even now, why can’t I tell you an answer so honestly?

“Ten! 9! 8! 7!”

I heard the sound of people counting down. Theodora was getting closer and closer to Maxim. Approach. in my longing arms. With those eyes that look at you.

“one more time.”

“It’s pretty, Theodora.”

“Listen again.”

“Pretty.”

Eyes got wet. The moonlight seemed to reveal that expression so vividly that Theodora turned her head away from Maxime.

“6! 5! 4!”

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to face him with a smile, but why? Her heart still couldn’t smile at him. Because I’ve always been honest with him.

“I want to hear it over and over again.”

“I’ll keep listening to you if you want.”

Talking to him again. It was slowly filling Theodora’s scarred heart.

“3! 2! One!”

The number counting down reached 1. It was the moment when the new year began.

Piying-!

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Near the palace, I heard the sound of someone launching fireworks going up. The night sky was black and clear, creating a perfect drawing paper. Dozens of fireworks are shot up into the sky as the moon shines brightly.

pop-!

Fireworks bloomed in the black sky. Red, bright yellow, deep blue. Fireworks bloomed in the sky like that. The world becomes brighter as if it were daytime. For a very short while, the flames that rose up in the sky poured down, giving way to the next one.

That moment was slowly etched into Theodora and Maxim’s minds. Theodora was weeping. Maxim slowly held out his hand. Their interval, which remained a span, converges to zero. For now, at least for now, I wanted to force this gap to zero.

Maxim’s fingers touched Theodora’s cheek. Maxim wiped away the flowing tears. The last time, when she was crying in front of him, he couldn’t wipe it away, so Maxim caressed her cheek more carefully and gently. Maxim felt the warmth overlapping the back of his hand.

“I still seem to like you this much.”

Theodora said. Her face is clearly reflected in the fireworks rising up in the sky. Those warm glowing black cloud eyes, platinum hair flowing down. A nose with a pretty line, small but lovely lips, and white cheeks with blush. There was no distance left for them. Theodora’s free hand rested on Maxim’s arm.

“When this is all over, can I hear you again?”

Theodora asked. Maxim rubbed her cheek and nodded.

“yes. any amount.”

“I will not collapse. I will no longer yield to my father or the count. And,”

Theodora mustered up the courage to say so.

“I will run to you again.”

For now, that was enough.

Fireworks were constantly burning in the sky. And the two people who finally succeeded in connecting the broken road were looking at each other as if they would stand there forever.