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Transformation or Death chapter 73

73 – Severed Traces (6)


I got to see Ahyun’s appearance. There was a lot of water on his forehead and hair, and there were wet marks all over his clothes. His breathing was rough, and his chest was constantly repeating the rise and fall.

It must have been hard work to drag this large body out of the bathroom. I must have been sweating a lot and drinking a lot of water.

“I’m sorry… I had to drag someone twice as tall as you…”

“Not twice as much?!”

Cho Ah-yoon, who had been mentioned about her small body for no reason, cried out in tears. Jaejoong Han smiled bitterly and stood up.


It hurt both mentally and physically. Whether it was true that he had fallen in the bathroom, a lump-like cry was caught in the back of his head.

“It’s not double, really… It’s such a height difference that you might be seen as a lover when you go outside… Seeing me as a kid all the time, that kind of process…”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Not twice as much. Twice as much. Just… well, about 1.5 times…?”

“If I’m 150 and my brother’s 180, it’s not even 1.5 times that!”

“Hey, you secretly round up and I lower it?

“Yeah, I’m proud of myself for growing up! Oppa, he’s so big! He’s so big that I can’t handle it! Is it okay?”

Jo Ah-yoon blushed and screamed loudly. Jaejoong Han looked at himself as his body became numb.

He was covered with only one large blanket and no clothing. It was practically no different from being naked. Suddenly, I realized that I had shown her naked.

“Only the real size is so damn big…”

Jo Ah-yoon, whose ears were as red as a pomegranate, murmured, not knowing where to look. In response to that meaningful reaction, Han Jaejoong took the blanket and hugged him.

‘Isn’t that sexual harassment? …Ah, that can’t be.’

Rather, you should feel sorry for dirtying her eyes.

No matter how innocent they were as a family, seeing the naked body of a man must have been hard.

Han Jaejoong felt ashamed and at the same time felt infinite gratitude and pride to Cho Ah-yoon who took care of him without complaining.

“Oh, do you know how surprised I was? I heard a rattling noise coming from the bathroom, but there was no answer even when I knocked… When I opened the door, my brother was naked… I did… how much I cried… oooh, I didn’t cry! Anyway, how worried I was! I even thought about calling 911. But then I think things will get messed up again… Ah, my heart is still pounding! You know?”

“Don’t you know…? I’m sorry…”

“Yes, you should be sorry! You should be sorry! Then!”

Jaejoong Han responded weakly to Ayoon Jo, who cried and protested.

She was right. I should be sorry.

You must have been confused because of your empty memories and yourself, but now you have increased your unnecessary worries.

“What happened? The aftereffects of transformation are so great? To the extent that you suddenly collapse like that? Oh, it’s so dangerous! Oppa, don’t do that! Don’t do anything like that from now on!”

“No, it’s not like that. This is…”

“Then what happened?!”

What happened. Jaejoong Han closed his lips.

‘Yes, I want to know too.’

A memory I just remembered. There, he looked into the mirror and realized that he had become a monster, so he decided to commit suicide.

Perhaps he was in a state where he couldn’t freely transform like Jo A-yoon now.

To be more precise, when I had just signed a contract with Star.

It was strange. Jaejoong Han in his memory didn’t remember the time of the contract, but he remembered what happened before that. It was clear that he probably remembered everything even with Virgo… and Red Spica.

Didn’t he lose his memory due to the star contract?

Let’s go back in time.

Jaejoong Han went into Black Matter after being secluded. It is highly likely that he opened a relationship with Virgo in the process.

Afterwards, he somehow managed to survive there and prepare to study for the exam. contact with the belt in the process.

Shortly after picking up the belt, he was attacked by monsters and was put in a state halfway between death and becoming a monster.

At that time, I made a contract with the star and part of my memory disappeared.

After that, he decided to commit suicide.

But when I woke up after attempting suicide, I had no memory of anything.

‘There was an incident before the suicide.’

if not….


“Huh? Uh…”

“What are you thinking so hard about…?”

“Ah, that’s…”

Jo Ah-yoon smiled. It was a smile, but never meant in a good way.

“You didn’t hear me.”

“Eh, ah, what… Why did I drown Ah-yun’s voice? Even if I could hear the voice of God, I couldn’t concentrate more than now? I guess I was too focused while listening. So Ah-yun had the illusion that I was thinking about something else. …”


A light laugh returned. Jaejoong Han averted his gaze.

“Tell me again exactly what I just said.”

“Tell me again exactly what you just said.”


“What, what. You did.”

“Do you want to get behind?”


As soon as he lowered his head without the slightest delay, Jo Ah-yoon replied with a deep sigh.



“What happened… you really can’t tell me? Something I shouldn’t know? Oh, I can’t help it when my brother says that…”

Her face grew more and more sad. The eyes mixed with sadness and a sense of shame stimulated sympathy.

“No. Not that.”

Jaejoong Han immediately corrected his posture and sat down. Slowly, the blanket came down a little.


Shouting out, Jo Ah-yoon covered her eyes with both hands.

“It’s suggestive… It’s too stimulating… Eh, first, put on your clothes… Me, I’m wet too… I’m going to change.”

He carefully removed one of his hands from his face and pointed with his trembling fingers at the paper bag next to him. It’s probably an envelope with clothes in it.

Realizing that he had exposed his naked body in front of a woman once again, Han Jaejoong nodded without hesitation.

“…Is that so?”


Inside the paper bag was a cute animal pajama. It had bear ears on it. A typical Jo A-yoon taste.

‘I thought it might contain what I was wearing until now…’

Did you wash everything you took off? Seeing that it’s pajamas, it must mean going to bed.

Since he was not in a position to cover his clothes, Han Jaejoong wore them without complaint.

It felt a bit tight, but it was the right size to wear. Maybe it would have been perfect if I was in high school.

When I opened the door and went out into the living room, there was Cho Ah-yoon wearing a pajamas similar to hers.

“How are you? …It suits you well.”

A pink fur pajama with a bird’s beak on the hood, whether it’s a duck or a parrot. As soon as Jo Ah-yoon’s eyes met Han Jae-joong’s, the hoodie was pressed down, he turned his head away.

“I managed to find men’s clothes that fit my size… Ah, could it be a boyfriend? hahahaha I’m so sorry for this…”

“I’m a motherfucker, who are you teasing? I’m busy with work…”

Jo Ah-yoon glanced at Han Jae-joong and turned her head again.

“Ah, anyway, I’ve been busy with work, so I haven’t had a relationship with a guy. Besides, dating is a relationship…

“What do you mean, Jo Ah-Yoon, whom I admire? There is a man who likes you right in front of your eyes. But then why is this?”

“The pajama I bought for my older brother as a present. Why. What. If you don’t like it, take it off! Oh, no, don’t take it off…”


I was impressed. Do you still keep a present for yourself?

Come to think of it, didn’t he change his number for himself? He must have been robbed by bad fans or reporters.

Along with the excitement came a feeling of regret. Didn’t he show his face to the person who remembered him so much?

Han Jaejoong, who suddenly became solemn, playfully hid his feelings and revealed them.

“Oh~ Jeongseong~ It’s very commendable that you tried to gift this oppa with a pair of pajamas.”

“Keep, they’re not a couple! Look! A company and a series are the same… But, animals are different! My brother is a bear! Mine is a red crowned parrot!”

“Ah, that’s a couple. Did Ah-yoon hate wearing the same clothes as her brother?”

“That sound… Oh, anyway, get to the point! What’s wrong? What’s the point of collapsing in the bathroom! High blood pressure? Is there such a thing?”

Jo Ah-yoon’s voice, which she shouted out of embarrassment, gradually began to mix with water.

“…Brother, you tried to commit suicide. Did you get some kind of fatal disease…? Or, as expected, as a side effect of that transformation…”

In an instant, his worried face changed. Emotional changes are intense.

It’s probably because he’s been emotionally unstable as he’s been through a lot of confusing things.

Loss of memory and changed old people are things that no one can control their anxiety about.

“It’s not like that. It’s tied to this belt, but…”

“As expected! Oppa, don’t transform like me! Just ignore it!”

“Listen to the end. There’s something I didn’t tell you before.”

Han Jaejoong knelt in front of Jo Ah-yoon. Then, as before, he wrapped her hands in his own. Jo Ah-yoon took a deep breath and met his eyes.

A face hidden in shadow under the hood, moistened eyes and slightly red cheeks greeted him.

Han Jaejoong, who smiled slightly at that appearance, opened his mouth.

“Calm down for now. Ah Yuna. Now I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be with you. Huh? I’ll come back whenever you want. I’ve already shown you all the things you can’t see, but where are you going?”

I gave a little more strength to the hand I was holding and spoke strongly.

“I’m not going anywhere, Ah Yoon. Of course, the fact that I’ve made you anxious all this time won’t change… but I hope you believe in me. Lastly, give me a chance.”

He gently caressed Jo Ah-yoon’s hand. It was a soft hand. To the point where I couldn’t believe it was the hands that had done so many rough things.

I didn’t want to have blood on my hands again.

“Ah Yuna. You can speak slowly. There is no need to rush. I will answer everything I can.”

“Sniff. Really…?”

“Then it’s real.”

When Jaejoong Han nodded softly, Ayoon Jo bluntly pouted.

“Are you not sick to death?”

“of course.”

The existence of the quest was a bit of an obstacle, but I ignored it because it wasn’t a disease.

“Then, brother, why did you collapse?”

“Yeah, about that… Ah Yuna, did I mention I have amnesia before?”

“Yeah. Like me, it got caught on the wrong belt…”

“It’s a little different in my case because I said it was wrong… but if you put it that way, that’s it.”

Han Jaejoong at least wanted to sign a contract with Byul himself. In order to realize the dream that came to mind right before death.

As for Jo Ah-yoon, I don’t know yet. She did not hastily conclude that she had signed a contract with Byul because she wanted it on her own.

“This contract includes not only losing your memories, but also a way to regain them. To light up the stars. If you gather starlight from the monsters you defeat and create stars, your memories will be restored.”


Oblivion is a blessing, but white paper is a curse. In the case of Han Jaejoong, it was the latter.

Bad memories, good memories, who you are and how you were formed are all gone.

If a person is made up of the body and the soul, then it is no different than having met the death of the soul.

The existence of ‘I’ is created by accumulating various learnings. Learning is experience, and experience is memory. The various clays that made Han Jaejoong disappeared in an instant.

Without ‘I’, it is no different from death.

Until now, I thought the cause was the belt, but I had to change my perspective a bit.

The only memories that disappear at the time of the contract are related memories.

It is the same in the case of Jo A-yoon.

Now, she has lost only the memories related to the magical girl, but the other memories are intact.

Things like remembering that she was busy while forgetting about her work as a magical girl, buying presents in the past, and what she heard from me before using the black dwarf.

Except for certain memories, other memories are kept relatively intact.

‘But I lost all my memories…why?’

Han Jaejoong was even more confused by the memory he had just recalled in the bathroom. However, this confusion did not show on his face and he desperately comforted Ayun.

“The process of replaying those memories is forcibly flashing back your consciousness… sometimes my consciousness fades. That’s why I collapsed. I startled you so much. I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

After going around a lot, I ended up making excuses. Jo Ah-yun stared at him.


“Then it’s real. Did you see me lie?”

“Yeah. A lot of fucking.”

“You’ve learned well. No one in the world only speaks the truth. Let’s always be that vigilant.”

“Shameless things really don’t change.”

A line was drawn on her face.

“Huh? It doesn’t change…”

Her voice as she smiled and looked at Han Jaejoong’s hand was sweeter than before.

“Then, like my older brother, I have to tear monsters to pieces and find memories? Just… Transformation?

“I don’t know about that yet… but if that happens, I’ll turn the monster into a half-corpse and let you just stop breathing. Otherwise… you don’t have to look for memories.”


That too. I retired from magical girl work anyway. Even if you don’t have magical girl knowledge, it shouldn’t be that much of a problem.

Even at that time, I made quite a bit of money, so my bankbook is plentiful.

It was just a matter of setting up a store with my brother in a secluded place.

Do we really need blood to retrieve our memories? It’s bad that he suffered instead.

“But… shouldn’t I still be looking for memories?”

For some reason, Jo Ah-yoon thought so. It was more of an emotional reason than a logical one. It wasn’t that I was desperate to remember, but I felt the need to.

“…Is that so?”

Jaejoong Han laughed bitterly as if he said something useless.

“Here brother.”

“Yes why?”

“Today’s information… what did you get?”



There was silence for a moment.

He opened his mouth again when the sound of the second hand ticking once resonated in his eardrums about four times.

“I heard suspicions that you might have made the Star Contract with your own will.”


Jo Ah-yoon could not understand for a moment.

The meaning of finding a star with one’s own will means, in other words, that there is a great wish.

A wish to come true, even if it means finding a shooting star or finding someone else’s power.

“I made a wish with my own will…? Why? I have no dreams and just want to play?”

“So it’s a suspicion. Just forget about it.”

Jaejoong Han agreed with her. I don’t know if it’s acting or sincerity, but the fact that he always reminded me that he has an ally who is stronger than anyone else hasn’t changed.

“…Ayunah, I told you today. I’ll protect you no matter what. I’ll add one more here.”

His expression was a soft smile.

“Whatever you choose, if that’s what you want, I’ll follow you without saying anything.”

Even if I step into hell myself, he gave me the assurance that he would be by my side.

“So don’t worry too much. I will always be your ally.”

A large, firm hand is wrapped around hers. From those thick hands, the warmth that lightly erased the winter was transmitted.

A warmth that seems to melt any coldness.

Jo Ah-yoon smiled softly as if melting at this.

“Don’t form. Bathroom riot.”

“Originally, when a person is like this, he should also hold the form.”

“It’s because you catch it too often.”

The night deepened as the darkness and moonlight mingled in the sky slowly, as if their body temperatures were mixing.


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